outofdarkness Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Hey you all, I know some of you are probrably mad at me and some doen't even know who I am, but I am back and need your help. I posted a new thread on infidelity titled, Question, answer...I would love it if some of you could give me some input on m delimma...I am very upset and my head is spinning. I am afraid that I am being set up big time, and don't think I can go through another D day. Our son is still sick after being in the hospital for 10 days late last month, and I can't risk falling apart over a potential set up. Please read my new thread and let me know what you all think. I would really appreciate the help... Thanks in advance..
GreenEyedLady Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I don't know anyone who is mad at you, OOD...You have never been rude or hateful to anyone here... I am sorry that you are so upset...I don't really post freely on the Infidelity board, so I'd rather give you my input here... The issue that I see here is that you don't trust your H and he doesn't give you any reason to trust him... I don't see why you have to be the martyr all the time...he really doesn't seem to respect your feelings at all...He finally wants you to attend a function because HE needs you too? And what is up with him and the chick in the picture on his desk? THAT IS JUST WRONG... OOD...I am sorry that you are faced with this dilemma...but I think that you need to start thinking about YOU...what he is doing is taking AWAY from you...You need peace and happiness, not dread and lies from the one that you love... You are a very sweet and compassionate woman...but don't let him walk all over you...
silentalways Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 he had already been driving around the city for three hours and now with the sun finally tucked in bed the rain made everything harder to see - hadn't that car just turned and now was backtracking so Joesph after driving and dismantling the tracking device that had been planted there so his movement towards those he would do anything to protect and as he jammed the blue pen thru the heat exchange dial he pulled the car over without worries of proper parking and sprang out of the car as quickly as he could and through the garage carport of someone house while the tv screen glowed and flickered thru the transparent white curtains. then it was up and over back yard fence and shrub until it felt like a rainsoaked steepchase and whenever he would stop to catch his breath, another car would slow down and he would toss another item on clothing or a watch, until he found himself in the middle of a medium with traffic going by in both directions his feet cut and trying to see where to move to thru the rain. but at every turn there was another red pointer beam to be seen like a sharpshooter marker and he hid behind tree, pressed hard against the ground, and did so until there was no strength left from days spent on sites like this talking to the woman he no longer knew, no longer tried to contact, just some he had hurt so bad had become silence. and as he turned his head the flashing red light of police cruiser blinded him.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 SW: Is there some reason that you have to post nonsense all over the forum?
silentalways Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 oh sorry i was just trying to make something sound novelish that's just something i wanted to share to highlight how dangerous cocaine is that's all u don't think that's me do u? geeee...thanks! lol
Author outofdarkness Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 he had already been driving around the city for three hours and now with the sun finally tucked in bed the rain made everything harder to see - hadn't that car just turned and now was backtracking so Joesph after driving and dismantling the tracking device that had been planted there so his movement towards those he would do anything to protect and as he jammed the blue pen thru the heat exchange dial he pulled the car over without worries of proper parking and sprang out of the car as quickly as he could and through the garage carport of someone house while the tv screen glowed and flickered thru the transparent white curtains. then it was up and over back yard fence and shrub until it felt like a rainsoaked steepchase and whenever he would stop to catch his breath, another car would slow down and he would toss another item on clothing or a watch, until he found himself in the middle of a medium with traffic going by in both directions his feet cut and trying to see where to move to thru the rain. but at every turn there was another red pointer beam to be seen like a sharpshooter marker and he hid behind tree, pressed hard against the ground, and did so until there was no strength left from days spent on sites like this talking to the woman he no longer knew, no longer tried to contact, just some he had hurt so bad had become silence. and as he turned his head the flashing red light of police cruiser blinded him. That's irritating and annoying when people have real problems and really want to use the forums to get advice and help..
MOMMIE Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings....But I've gotta say that I think your H is crazy, and I don't think he really cares about what he's doing to you; He only cares about himself...I would not go anywhere with him. If I were you, I would leave him, and not look back....He's dangerous to be with because you can never know what he's up to, and not every woman is going to take his crap and let him get away with it. You are worth so much more than this.
Author outofdarkness Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings....But I've gotta say that I think your H is crazy, and I don't think he really cares about what he's doing to you; He only cares about himself...I would not go anywhere with him. If I were you, I would leave him, and not look back....He's dangerous to be with because you can never know what he's up to, and not every woman is going to take his crap and let him get away with it. You are worth so much more than this. You have NOT hurt my feelings, I welcome any and all responses...Well except the posts that are completely random and rambling, like the one on here yesterday...Thanks for the advice...and for caring enough to reply.
Author outofdarkness Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 I just posted this on the other thread that I have on infid..."I am in denial again, aren't I?" BIG TIME!
bonehead Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I just posted this on the other thread that I have on infid..."I am in denial again, aren't I?" BIG TIME! Im by no means an expert, but yeah it sounds like it.
bonehead Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Ok, sounds cold, LEAVE. He isnt changing. With how much he is gone how much support is he with the children? Im not talking money here I mean REAL support.
kellyp1 Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I would take this time for yourself. Tell him you just can't do it, explain why. He shut you out for so long and now wants you there. It is making you ill and stressed and for what, someone that has disrespected you to the utmost degree and now wants you there? At the end of the day, I love greeneyed's advice, take care of you. You are the only one that will...
Chapter2 Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 We've disagreed before but OOD there is no reason I have at all to be mad at you for anything. You've simply given your opinion without judging anyone... I read your thread on the other board and think you need to think about exactly what is the very best thing for YOU right now. Only you know if you can physically or emotionally handle this party. If you can, I would try to go, but at the same time, I know there are times when I cannot keep my composure in certain situations and end up doing more harm than good. I feel so badly for you because its so unfair that you are having to think strategically in what should be a safe place~~your marriage. I'm sorry. I can imagine the irony of hearing that from an xOW but I am sincerely sorry for what you are going through. If you were to remove "fear" from the equation and allow yourself to fantasize about what is absolutely the best thing for OOD, what would that look like? What is the very best thing for YOU? He has taken so, so, so much from you. Stand up. Don't take anymore of this sh*t. Throw it back on him OOD. If you were standing in front of another OOD and she were asking you what in the world to do, what would you tell her? If you had a daughter standing in front of you, what would you tell her to do? You are worthy of the VERY best OOD. Hey you all, I know some of you are probrably mad at me and some doen't even know who I am, but I am back and need your help. I posted a new thread on infidelity titled, Question, answer...I would love it if some of you could give me some input on m delimma...I am very upset and my head is spinning. I am afraid that I am being set up big time, and don't think I can go through another D day. Our son is still sick after being in the hospital for 10 days late last month, and I can't risk falling apart over a potential set up. Please read my new thread and let me know what you all think. I would really appreciate the help... Thanks in advance..
Author outofdarkness Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 We've disagreed before but OOD there is no reason I have at all to be mad at you for anything. You've simply given your opinion without judging anyone... I read your thread on the other board and think you need to think about exactly what is the very best thing for YOU right now. Only you know if you can physically or emotionally handle this party. If you can, I would try to go, but at the same time, I know there are times when I cannot keep my composure in certain situations and end up doing more harm than good. I feel so badly for you because its so unfair that you are having to think strategically in what should be a safe place~~your marriage. I'm sorry. I can imagine the irony of hearing that from an xOW but I am sincerely sorry for what you are going through. Thank you If you were to remove "fear" from the equation and allow yourself to fantasize about what is absolutely the best thing for OOD, what would that look like? What is the very best thing for YOU? I really don't know anymore...I don't know if I ever have. I've been with this man since I was 16..All through high school, college, grad school, etc..I've never known anyone else... He has taken so, so, so much from you. Stand up. Don't take anymore of this sh*t. Throw it back on him OOD. I have stood up to him before and it has ended up terribly.. If you were standing in front of another OOD and she were asking you what in the world to do, what would you tell her? If you had a daughter standing in front of you, what would you tell her to do? You are worthy of the VERY best OOD. We do have a teenage daughter, and I would tell her to pack her things and come home with the kids. Unfortunately, my parents are divorced, my Mom depends on us for financial assitance, my Dad is homeless and I don't have any other family to go to...He told me constantly that I would end up like my parents if I left...I know that it would eventually work itself out, but what harm would I do while it's playing out? Our son is already very sick...Thanks for the input to all...I REALLY appreciate it...I believe I will attend the party, but I will have to have a better attitude than I do now, or I could embarrass myself...
GreenEyedLady Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 OOD: Don't let him do this to you!!! You have a graduate degree, you are a good woman and a good mom...You will end up like your parents?! He is afraid of you leaving and is trying to keep you beaten down, as if you have no power in the R! As if you are nothing without him and that is the furthest thing from the truth...My exh used to tell me EVERY day that I was nothing and no man would ever want me because I have kids...and I believed it, for a long while...Well, let me tell you that is the FURTHEST thing from the truth... The harm is that you are being beaten down on a daily basis...you can't trust anything anymore...do you really think being without him could be worse than how you are living right now? At the end of the day, you have to live with the choice that you make...but he is making you miserable and your last thoughts are what made me REALLY, REALLY MAD at your H! Doesn't he know what an incredible woman that he has?!
bonehead Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 You will end up like your parents?! He is afraid of you leaving and is trying to keep you beaten down, as if you have no power in the R! As if you are nothing without him and that is the furthest thing from the truth Its all about him keeping control. I went through this with my ex. I was nothing without her, couldnt make it, couldnt be a good dad unless I was with her. Hate to tell ya this, but its his insecurity talkin. He is afraid of what you CAN do without him.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Its all about him keeping control. I went through this with my ex. I was nothing without her, couldnt make it, couldnt be a good dad unless I was with her. Hate to tell ya this, but its his insecurity talkin. He is afraid of what you CAN do without him. I TOTALLY AGREE!!! Same thing with my ex...the look on his face was priceless when I walked out the door...
bonehead Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I TOTALLY AGREE!!! Same thing with my ex...the look on his face was priceless when I walked out the door... Now, take that look out 6 months when I got full custody, and less then 90 days after that bought a house. Amazing what you can do when you break the bonds that hold you down.
Author outofdarkness Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I have a question that goes back to my original post...how many of you think, based on the info that I gave re: the coworker, that an A is going on? Just interested in you opionions...Thanks
bonehead Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I have a question that goes back to my original post...how many of you think, based on the info that I gave re: the coworker, that an A is going on? Just interested in you opionions...Thanks I think it sounds like SOMETHING is going on. Maybe hasnt become a full blown afair but I think its headed that way fast.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I have a question that goes back to my original post...how many of you think, based on the info that I gave re: the coworker, that an A is going on? Just interested in you opionions...Thanks OOD: I think he is cheating and maybe never stopped...he seems to have no problem sleeping with you and whomever else he pleases... I hope that doesn't sound harsh, I don't want to ever hurt your feelings...you are such a humble, good, forgiving woman and he is totally taking advantage and disrespecting you...Is he having an A with this particular co-worker? Maybe, maybe not...How will you ever really know unless he or she confesses...and you shouldn't have to agonize over it, one way or another... You seem to be stuck...you want to know the truth, yet once you get to it, what will you do?...What are YOUR needs in this R and are THEY being met? I don't think so... My prayers are with you OOD...May you make the best choice for you and your children, whatever that may be...
Chapter2 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Trust your gut instincts. You have shown him mercy to say the very least. In a just world your H would see the mercy you've shown him, do all he can to continually reassure you not only of his fidelity but his respect for you and what you are going through as a result of his infidelity. I've read that if you stay with someone who continues to abuse your mercy in this area then it becomes an invitation to cheat. That is not in any way your fault. Its his. Some of us need severe consequences in order to change. He has beaten you down. No one can say if he is cheating except him. But, from what you've posted it sounds like he is. At the very least it sounds like he's not living in complete truth with you. I have a question that goes back to my original post...how many of you think, based on the info that I gave re: the coworker, that an A is going on? Just interested in you opionions...Thanks
lookingforalovethats Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 SW: Is there some reason that you have to post nonsense all over the forum? i know, i realized when it was posted we were talking about someone else and i just pope in that was rude i apologize
Author outofdarkness Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 Just a very quick update while I ran home. We had to take our son to the Hospital again last night...Don't know how long he will be there, but obviously, the party is off. Thanks for all of the support, and I will be back on when all is well with our son...
Chapter2 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I'm so sorry...Lord, your plate is full!! Maybe God answered your question for you?? I do not mean at the cost of your son's health~~please do not take it that way. I just know the times when I've doubted whether or not I should do something, God has occasionally made the decision for me by making something else impossible. Please let us know how he's doing. I'll say a prayer for him myself. Just a very quick update while I ran home. We had to take our son to the Hospital again last night...Don't know how long he will be there, but obviously, the party is off. Thanks for all of the support, and I will be back on when all is well with our son...
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