Rooster_DAR Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Wow! Rooster. You are strong. Really strong. You think so...just wait until tomorrow and my whole POV will change.
Author shakenandstirred Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I didn't get caught & then confess but I did struggle for weeks re: whether I should tell him or not. No one believes it but it did have a lot to do with not wanting to cause him any pain. But the simple fact is that I was dying inside & I truly believe if I hadn't confessed that our marriage was doomed for sure because it was eating at me like a cancer & it was causing more of a distance to come between us because I was avoiding him due to the guilt. I'm sure some people are capable of moving on & burying what they did deep down, I wasn't one of them. Of course the affair has caused things to be seriously broken. They will never be the same & I live with the guilt of that every single day of my life. I live with hating myself & feeling I'm not worthy of anything I have every single day. But I also know that if I can't move past this our marriage may be doomed even though he has forgiven me. Yeah, wish I could give words of advice to anyone thinking of getting into an affair. Wish I could explain to them how it has changed everything but most of all it has changed me & I don't like the person I feel like I became & there ain't NO going back. The original topic tho, of keeping it a secret being 'easy'...it wasn't easy for me at all. Being honest is difficult that's for sure, fessing up & taking responsibility for what I did was much easier than keeping that horrible secret inside of my head & my heart. I actually feel sympathy if there are people out there trying to live like I was before I told him. It's a lonely & miserable place if you let yourself feel it. InaPanic, I was one who followed your posts about your situation. I admire your courage and how you handled the situation even though it was not easy. Which brings me my clarification. By saying it's the easy way out I mean that its the road that a coward may take. Someone who doesn't want to take responsibility for the actions they took, regardless if it is hurting them or the other person involved. I've seen them take this route in order not to hurt the BS, truth is they have already hurt them. The BS just doesn't know it yet. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future:D
Madeamistake Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 InaPanic, Someone who doesn't want to take responsibility for the actions they took, regardless if it is hurting them or the other person involved. I've seen them take this route in order not to hurt the BS, truth is they have already hurt them. The BS just doesn't know it yet. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future:D I agree with you. I remember thinking the same thing before confessing. I knew that I had aready hurt her and it was all a matter of time before she knew about the pain that was already there!
basket Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 hello. Keeping it a secret will only eat the person up from inside. For me, after having been found out, i felt that just telling everything cleansed me of some evil buried inside. But of course, this meant tremendous pain for my SO, and a traumatising period for me not knowing what the outcome will be. My advice is dont keep it inside, deal with it, no matter how long it takes. The pain will be unbearable, the tears will be aplenty, and most will part ways, but if there is a will, there surely is a way. The painting may be spoilt, but you will still be able to appreciate it even if you SO, decides to throw it away. If you truly love her, you will spare her the pain of living a lie. Its up to her to decide what she wants from the wonderful relationship that you have ruined. Never cheat and if you do, come clean. It may come back to haunt you and thats when the whole world comes crumbling down.
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