Lauriebell82 Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 ok here is the situation: my boyfriend's family lives about 5 hours away and he doesnt see them that often. i am currently in school so when i'm at school we only see each other on the weekends. i get a month off for christmas break so i will get to see him more. he is going home for the holidays and he had invited me to go with him, but then said it might not be the best idea because his parents dont have much room in their house and i would have to stay there with him for like 10 days and it would be ackward (this is the first time i would be meeting them). my birthday is dec. 30th so when he "uninvited me" he told me he would come back before my birthday to spend my birthday and new years with me. (he was going to stay at home until like jan 2nd.) unfortuantely i overreacted out of shock and hurt and started crying and yelling at him. we got into a fight over it and he got pissed off and said gave me all this crap about how he never goes home and will get to spend 3 weeks straight with me and weekends and will only see his family for 10 days. so now apparently he is staying at home through my bday and new years. i really want him to come back because i would like to spend those days with him. i dont want to ask him flat out because i dont want him to get upset again. i dont know what to do to get him to come back early. i know i cant make him but my question to u all is that should i ask him to come back early? i think he knows i want him to but i'm not positive cause guys dont exactly get hints the majority of the time. does anyone have any advice for me about how to approach talking to him about this? or if i should at all? i really dont want him to have to chose between me and his family especially since he never sees them, but this is so important to me and i feel that if he really loves me he would come back. men especially please help me!
ChampionSound Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Why not just visit his family for a few days, and then return on your own? It doesn't have to be awkward, I'm sure you can think of an excuse to 'have' to go back... then everyone is happy, no?
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 10 days isn't that long and you two can talk on the phone. Don't ask him to come back to see you. He has already made a decision and honestly it's not fair to put him in a place where he has to choose between spending time with you and spending time with his family. I'm sure it's not just family but other friends, family friends he will be seeing as well. I think you both have overreacted and made things worse. Kiss and make-up, and just enjoy that he's your boyfriend. You two can spend a weekend together when the holidays are over.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 yeah i suppose so..maybe he'll come back cause he misses me. part of me just thinks that if he loves me and is really serious about me he would want to be with me on those days cause he knows they are important to me. i hate that he has to chose between me and his family to be with, and i'm sure his family wins. its just upsetting and i want to talk to him about it but would that casue problems?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 well my boyfriend left to go home, and it looks like he isnt coming back. On his last night in town his friend from home called and they started talkig about a new years eve party they were going to right in front of me. i'm going to really be crushed if he doesnt come back, i dont know what to do. should i drop hints that he should come back early? people are saying not to say anything and maybe he'll come back on his own. i know this is a case of him having to chose between me and his friends/family, but its my bday and new years shouldnt he want to be with me? i feel like he doesnt love me if he doesnt come back and i have no clue what to do. i havnt said anything about it so far, but any suggestions guys?
Poboy Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 you made a mistake & you need to apologize to him and it better be good... let him know that you want him to be there otherwise he will make other plans ...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 well i did apologize for flipping out. he knows i think that i want to be with him but he said he never gets to see his family and friends and he'll get to me with me and lot more than them. its just hard to believe he wants to be with his friends on new years eve instead of me. i dont know what to do.
Touche Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 There's nothing you can do. It's his choice. You're his girlfriend. You're not his fiancee' or his wife afterall and sorry but it IS different. It's up to you whether you choose to accept his decision or not. But if it were me, I wouldn't say anything about it. Wait and see what he does and go from there.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 yeah i guess so. this out of town bf thing is sort of new to me and i've never been in a relationship where i havnt spent new years eve with my boyfriend. shouldn't u want to be with ur gf on new years though? maybe i'm a little confused cause i never experienced anything like this before. i'm getting all kinds of mixed responses here and now i'm more confused then ever
Touche Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 yeah i guess so. this out of town bf thing is sort of new to me and i've never been in a relationship where i havnt spent new years eve with my boyfriend. shouldn't u want to be with ur gf on new years though? maybe i'm a little confused cause i never experienced anything like this before. i'm getting all kinds of mixed responses here and now i'm more confused then ever LB, I know what you're saying. Yes, I'd want my b/f to be with me on NYE but this is a different circumstance. He doesn't get to see his family, who live kind of far away, often. So it's his time to spend with them. But look, the bottom line is that you have to do what is right for YOU. Is this out of your "comfort zone?" How much out of the comfort zone is it to you? Is it worth breaking up with him over and NEVER seeing him again? Only you can decide. No one can make that decision for you.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 yeah apparently where his parents live there is nothing to do (its a small town) so chances are he is gonna get bored so then we'll see if he comes back early or not. i dont know i just really want to be with him but i do know how much he misses his freinds and family. i knwo i'd miss mine if i didnt see them all the time. he will have been at home for over a week by the time my bday and new years rolls around so maybe that should be enough time for him to spend with his friends and family. i'm thinking about seeing what he says the rest of the week and if he says he is getting bored than i will maybe say soemthing like "well u could come back a little sooner." just kind of a suddle hint maybe. i dont know maybe i'm wrong
Touche Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 yeah apparently where his parents live there is nothing to do (its a small town) so chances are he is gonna get bored so then we'll see if he comes back early or not. i dont know i just really want to be with him but i do know how much he misses his freinds and family. i knwo i'd miss mine if i didnt see them all the time. he will have been at home for over a week by the time my bday and new years rolls around so maybe that should be enough time for him to spend with his friends and family. i'm thinking about seeing what he says the rest of the week and if he says he is getting bored than i will maybe say soemthing like "well u could come back a little sooner." just kind of a suddle hint maybe. i dont know maybe i'm wrong Actually, no. I don't think you're wrong at all. I'd go with that plan myself. This way, you're letting him know what you'd like but you're not being pushy about it. Let us know what happens, ok? Hope it goes the way you want it to!
lonelybird Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Maybe it is time for you to spend time with your own family? since you are not married yet, it is natural you and your bf spend time with own family. why tried to fight who is most important between you and his family, and pull him from two direction? do you want him to forget his parents who nurture him almost 18 years? no, you don't want a man who forget his family (in future maybe you are)
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 no i dont want him to forget his family..he will have a week to spend with them..he'd only be coming back 2 days early if he came back for my bday and new years..i actually talked to him tonight and he said that he is already bored after one day at home, so later on in the week i'll put my plan in motion.
Touche Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 Work it LB! Ok, way to go...tell us what happens!
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 i will..i'm so nervous that he'll say no he doesnt want to come back early. i actually talked one of my guy friends and he said that maybe because my bf hasnt been in a serious relationship in like 4 years he doesnt get the significance of new years and a gfs bday. i lightly brought up that he's not going to be here for my birthday before he left and he said, "well whats the difference if i take u out 2 or 3 days after?" my question is do all guys think like that? thats is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. maybe its girl thing i dont know. guys maybe dont see the diference. men especially answer this: would u want to be with ur gf on new years and her actual bday? and would u come back early from home for her?
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