Vincent T Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I moved this post from another thread. I thought it might get more of a look on it's own. Been looking at the forum for a long time. Good advice. Me and my girl have been together many years... broke up many times, but always got back together even though it seemed hopeless. We were about to move in together, stuff happened, and haven't spoken in over 6 weeks. One day we just stopped calling and seeing each other, no fight or anything. I was ok for a while, but then it hit me last week. Feel like dying. Love her. So used to breaking up, we both have extreme personalities. I always looked at it like we love hard, we fight hard, but in the end, we LOVE. I know we need to work on not breaking up, and working out problems. Anyway, like I said, been over 6 weeks with NC. I called her today and hung up on 1 ring. I wanted to see if she would call back. Phone rang in 5 seconds. She called back 3 times, but I didn't answer. Her quick dial button is next to my best friend, so I plan on telling her I meant to call him, called her by accident, and hung right up, but call must have gone through. Or, I could not call and wait it out. She obviously still has feelings, otherwise she would not have called right back. Not sure what to do, so I figured I would ask the experts. Well, I called back later in the day. Her voicemail picked right up, and I did not want to have her see another missed call from me with no message, so I left a message like "Hi, it's Vincent, I was so rushed this morning I accidentally hit your speedial, anyway hope you are well, maybe we can talk sometime... ok gotta go..." I have not gotten a response, but that's ok. I am going to let it go for another 3 or 4 weeks and work on me even more. I only wanted to know if she still cared, and by her calling me right back, not once but 3 times, I think she does. Does this mean we are getting back together, way too soon to tell, but, it's a start. Any advice on what I did? Should I have not contacted her at all? What do you think? I'm too blinded right now to think the way I should be, but I am trying. Thanks.
Confused5433 Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 You need to stop playing around before it's too late. I went through the same scenerio with my ex, broke up many times, got back together and he did the same call/hang up. I called back we talked, went back and forth for a while and then he gave me silence. I took it as it's over and decided to move on. He tries to talk to me through IM 3 months later, I ignore it and don't want to take it anymore. It's too late, I won't be here forever. So I say, if you love and she loves...then be the man and do the right thing instead of playing the guessing game. Be straight shooter and call her to see if there are still feelings and tell her 'don't be scared' how you feel. Don't worry about being humiliated or rejected,...Love is such a powerful feeling that only comes to us very few times, and when it does fight for it, be aggressive and don't let something good pass you by. Unless of course, deep down you know she's not really the one even if you do love her. It's your judgement, but be careful not to push her to far away that she won't want to come back. So try....call her today....Best of luck
silentalways Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 do not let your healing process take a back seat to a phone call - one is way more important. i think people sometimes don't take these things into consideration at times - usually when someone says the old 'i need a reply by x or t - or else!' what an understanding guy? and a great way to try again! NOT! HEY, if you both believe that you will try again, sometimes its better to just make a plan, if one needs more time: [small example] today is december 30th and we will agree to discuss this again on Feb 1 in the meanwhile, no past relationship talks - just safe and fun things and we agree to met x amount of times and because you are healing do not think that u can not cancel at any time if u are feeling well. i on the other hand, will commit and do what we agree to. No dating others. No dating site profile, blue movies, etc. if you can hold the fort for a month - then see a doctor! i always find it funny when people say THEY ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and the other one healing says, i might be able to this april and the other says 'what? no way. i'm gone.' silly eh
notmakingsense Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I've been in a similar situation for about 3 years. Broken up many times, gotten back together. Which each passing break-up, no-contact gets easier and easier. Is she really "the one"? That's the question I'm asking myself now. My brain says "no way -- how can you possibly have a long term commitment with someone that you break up with all the time?" , my heart says "she's meant for you". So..... head vs. heart. Who wins? Our latest NC has been 2 weeks. This time, I did the breaking-up (usually her in the past). I think I need to stick with it. My head is winning now, because it remembers the pain my heart suffers each-time we broke up before. Don't want to do that again!
CaliGuy Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Not sure why you chickened out, but to me you should have talked to her when you called and then not refused to pick up her return call. To me at least (in her shoes) it looks like you're playing games. How do two people who have been together for years just float away with little or no communication? Ah, you're both stubborn. Someone has to initiate a conversation and try and repair the damage or walk away. Either way sounds like you need closure. Talk to her if you can and stop beating yourself up over it. It's better to get an answer now than drag it on forever. What would be the point in that?
Author Vincent T Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I am going to try to talk to her probably after the new year. We have been together so long. I probably should have picked up her call and told her right then that I dialed her by accident, but anyway how are you doing? I didn't, so we are back to NC. I have been praying a lot, and if it is in God's will for us to get back, we will. I don't think there is too much I can do right now, except pray and leave it in God's hands. I can't change her mind, but I can push her further away by doing stupid things. Everything everyone says is good advice. No contact, work on yourself, pray, go out, flirt, build up your confindence, and get to the point where you no longer need your ex to make you feel like you are worth something. Once you get that swagger back, it changes things. I got a taste of it tonight, and it felt great. Went out, had a great time, had a few drinks, flirted with a few girls, let it loose. If this keeps up, before you know it, I won't even remember my ex! Well, I don't know about that, but you never know! I think right now I want to remember her because I feel like if I forget her, she will forget me. In the long run, if it's in God's will, it will happen, but in the mean time, why not live it up and be happy. You can't change anything, you can only make things worse by contacting them and making a fool out of yourself. Trust me, go out and have a few drinks and have fun. You won't believe how much better it will make you feel!
Recommended Posts