Mermaiden Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 A guy I really thought I had a connection with seems to be playing games. We're LDR right now until Jan 1st. Suddenly he says he either busy, very busy, crazy busy or he's not around at all when I IM or call. It seems pretty simple to guess that he has one or two other women right now and is trying to either fade away from me or put me on hold while he 'tries' them out. Are guys ever too busy to call ? And if a guy tells you he is busy more than half the time is he "just not that into you" ? I feel jerked around by a guy who disappears and blames his stressful workload. But while he tells me is busy he is also logged into Match.com Whats the rule on guys saying they're busy ? Like the guy who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You said" does Busy equal being an A$$ ?
Lauriebell82 Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 ok so are u actually in a relationship with this guy? in my experience if some guy says he is too busy, its usually an excuse. my bf and i are in a LDR and only see each other on weekends. we are extrememly busy during the week but still send text messages and call each other at night to talk. some guys are just too busy for relationships, but in my opinion and experience a guy saying he is too busy to talk to u is either A)real busy and doesnt want a relationship or B) saying he is busy as an easy way to blow u off. either scenereo sucks so my advice is just to probably move on if he keeps giving u excuses about being busy. find someone who isn't!
Author Mermaiden Posted December 11, 2006 Author Posted December 11, 2006 ok so are u actually in a relationship with this guy? in my experience if some guy says he is too busy, its usually an excuse. my bf and i are in a LDR and only see each other on weekends. we are extrememly busy during the week but still send text messages and call each other at night to talk. some guys are just too busy for relationships, but in my opinion and experience a guy saying he is too busy to talk to u is either A)real busy and doesnt want a relationship or B) saying he is busy as an easy way to blow u off. either scenereo sucks so my advice is just to probably move on if he keeps giving u excuses about being busy. find someone who isn't! No we used to date years ago. He found me online several months ago. We started talking again and went to dinner & had a couple pg make outs. He told me he was totally single after bad break up last Spring. I had to go away for 3 month work assignment. But he said he wanted to date me the second I get back home. Kept telling me wonderful stuff and now its tapered off. If I contact him he's busy or not around at all. And I ask he wont elaborate. Now Im doing my best to ignore until he contacts me again. So instead of being weak and emailing or calling or IMing, I'm posting this question on LS.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Stop contacting him and walk away. He isn't into you at all. If he contacts you, it's to see if you'll take the bait - then he'll run off and hide again. This guy is playing a game with you and I'm glad you see this! I know it sucks but his actions are telling you WHO HE IS. Yes, he's an A-Hole. What is it that you actually like about him? Does he make you feel good? If so, for how long? He just doesn't seem worthy of your attention, so think about ending it and finding a guy who will treat you the way you deserve and not ignore you!
Lauriebell82 Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 ah..ok well then maybe u should just wait and see what happens. if he wants u back and is really serious he'll do whatever he can to get u. and if he doesnt then u could jsut move on and find someone who isnt too busy for u.
Author Mermaiden Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 What is it that you actually like about him? Does he make you feel good? If so, for how long? Im letting my old memories of him cloud his current bad behavior. When we dated he was the nicest and most respectful guy whom I ever went out with. I remembered him fondly and was thrilled when he found me online. Now my good memories are also ruined.
Author Mermaiden Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Well tonight I figured out his game. He is trying to be very clever and show interest in me tonight when he called while feigning that he is tired, busy, worn out, stressed. But really really really he thinks I gorgeous and thinks of me often. Good thing Im too cynical and smart to fall for that kind of spiel. Dealing with some pain now, to save bigger heartache of putting any faith in him.
Porn_Guy Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Whats the rule on guys saying they're busy ? Like the guy who wrote "He's Just Not That Into You said" does Busy equal being an A$$ ? i tell girls at school i'm always free (except when studying) but they still won't go out with me. i'm a nice guy and they re still not intrested.
Krytellan Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Yeah, if we're intersted in a girl, we will make time. "Busy" is only true in someone who isn't interested.
Porn_Guy Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Yeah, if we're intersted in a girl, we will make time. "Busy" is only true in someone who isn't interested. i would make time for any girl who will go out with me.
lindya Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 No we used to date years ago. He found me online several months ago. Maybe because he has a history with you, he probably doesn't think any effort is required. I'm pretty sure one of the reasons guys like to maintain contact with their exes is that whole Friends with Benefits crap. The benefit being that, in theory at least, it's hassle free sex with someone they know, feel comfortable with and don't have to spend too much time persuading into the bedroom.
DanielMadr Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I had to go away for 3 month work assignment. But he said he wanted to date me the second I get back home. :D :D no comment. You did make out? What does it mean?
DanielMadr Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 if he wants u back and is really serious he'll do whatever he can to get u. WRONG. There is plenty of other girls....better girls. No sane man is really serious about ONE girl, until he is sure of her.
DanielMadr Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Well tonight I figured out his game. He is trying to be very clever and show interest in me tonight when he called while feigning that he is tired, busy, worn out, stressed. But really really really he thinks I gorgeous and thinks of me often. Good thing Im too cynical and smart to fall for that kind of spiel. Dealing with some pain now, to save bigger heartache of putting any faith in him. Why you two got seperated for first time? I know why he avoids you.
DanielMadr Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 if he wants u back and is really serious he'll do whatever he can to get u. Exactly like she is doing now?????
Author Mermaiden Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 I'm pretty sure one of the reasons guys like to maintain contact with their exes is that whole Friends with Benefits crap. . Yeah he actually brought that up several weeks ago. He asked what would I think of that. I told him point blank there is no way I would ever lower my standards to engaging in FWB nonsense. I also said that a rule of FWB is that you don't have feelings for nor should you develop feelings for your Sex Buddy. I then caught him saying yes he had very strong feelings for me but is very stressed and feels he has to give his all in a relationship. Boo fricking hoo. Welcome to the world of adulthood. Where everyone is stressed. My gameplan is now to vanish on him and be very hard to pin down for the next several months. If he's interested he'll come around finally, if not I'll be perfectly fine.
Author Mermaiden Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 :D :D no comment. You did make out? What does it mean? Kissing, boob action (mine), caressing, rubbing and stuff. We never did the deed when we dated and still havent. (cause I have great self control)
Author Mermaiden Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Why you two got seperated for first time? I know why he avoids you. Really why ? ::rolls eyes:: We were seperated the first time because I had just moved to the city and was very young and didnt want to move 150 miles back to my hometown to be near him.
LuminousZ Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 But while he tells me is busy he is also logged into Match.com Sorry, this guy is NOT into you -
Star Gazer Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I don't think "busy" always means that a guy is "just not that into you" or that he's an A-hole. I've dated very busy guys before, LEGITIMATELY busy guys - i.e., an ER doctor, a dude working on a campaign in the months before an election, a guy going through a "training period" where he's in a different city every week, etc. With those men, it truly was difficult to make a call, spend time with me, etc. However, they still DID - it was just far, far less than guys who weren't as busy, and when the call was made or time spent together, there was more quality involved...does that make sense? They also always volunteered or explained what was making them so busy. There were no excuses, it was the truth. On the other hand, I am pretty busy too... but not THAT busy where I couldn't call. I've given the "Oh I'm so crazy busy" line without giving an explanation in the past as well, and THAT was a lame excuse. I've also received the same excuse from guys who were NOT THAT BUSY and was able to sniff it out. What does your gut tell you? Your guy is logging on to Match.com and giving "the line." I would assume at this point that he's not that into you if I were in your shoes... However, doesn't sound like you're even in a "relationship" with him yet AND you live far away and aren't even close enough to see one another. Sounds to me like he's simply keeping his options open. I'm not so sure I can fault him for that either......
Sand&Water Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 RE: Cut and dry response to everything said and done: My gameplan is now to vanish on him and be very hard to pin down for the next several months. Best game plan for you. Stick to it, till the end. Having to squeeze, shift, and toss men in order to get a clear response is too much of a hassle for any woman. Interest is shown in the very early stages -not 3 full moons later. The man needs to be taught a lesson ~where's his mother when you need her. Sand&Water
DanielMadr Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Kissing, boob action (mine), caressing, rubbing and stuff. We never did the deed when we dated and still havent. (cause I have great self control) So you gave him...blue balls? Very nice of you Cuddling and groping only is consideed RED FLAG. We think...she is insecure (emotional baggage) or she is playing power games.
DanielMadr Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Really why ? ::rolls eyes:: We were seperated the first time because I had just moved to the city and was very young and didnt want to move 150 miles back to my hometown to be near him. You ditched him first. You didnt have sex with him even when you were making out. You are still not so sure about him. This hurts. He doesnt want to be hurt again and probably has a few doubts about you in terms of your integrity and interest.
DanielMadr Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Reading this whole thread. It is not about "love" it is about you winning the game. And you want him only because he started to be a challenge - busy. If he is clever enough, he should not be busy he should e running away
IWalkAlone Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 If a guy says "I'm busy" when he is actually not interested is an A-Hole, then why is it OK for women to say "I'm busy" to a guy they don't want to go out with? If I had $10 for every time a women told me she was busy, I'd be rich enough that women wouldn't tell me they were busy.
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