j_nelson Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Alright..please help me here! I'm out with some buddies eating lunch at a fast food place and the best looking girl I've seen in months walks in...she was unbelievable...As I walked by to throw some of my stuff in the garbage and leave she calls me over and asks me to take a picture of her and her friends.....this leads to more small talk - turns out we were planning on going to the same place later that afternoon for drinks. Sure enough, she shows up with her friends...I play it cool and wait for a bit before I go talk to her...said whats up etc., and made my way back to my friends for some more drinks...an hour or so later I go back and talk to her when she was sitting alone...conversation goes great, I start playing some drinking games with them.... I was making a concious effort to not touch her first or be all over her...shes a model who I'm sure has a million guys after her, so I was doing my best to relax and let things happen....as the night when on she started touching me a little bit, putting her hand on my leg, leaning into me etc... My buddies are about to leave and I told her I was thinking of taking off with them..she asks me to stay for a bit...I convince a friend of mine to stay (her friend was all over him anyway)....eventually my friends leave, and same with hers....it was just the 2 of us.... We decide to go up to watch a band for a bit on the upper level....not sure how it happened but eventually we were making out upstairs...not normally my style in a bar, but she made the move and obviously I was going to reciprocate... Then she says "Let's get out of here"....I didn't think at one point throughout the night I was going home with her....but when she said this I was surprised...I was actually hoping not to, cause I would think less of her if I went home with her on the first night. So we're walking out to get a cab and she turns to give me a hug or a kiss or something, I can't remember exactly..I just know that it was kinda an awkward moment and I knew at that point I wasn't going with her....so got in the cab, and then I realized she hadn't given me her #...I asked her if she was seriously going to leave without giving me her # and she kinda laughed and then wrote it down and gave it to me....we kissed after that and that was it...I jumped in a cab and went home too.. So my question is this...everything seemed to be going great, and I think she showed some interest, but why would she leave without making and hints at staying in touch....was she testing me to see if I would ask her? I'm interested in hearing what people have to see, and what you think I should do from here....I am planning on calling her in a few days...I'm thinking I should try to meet her out somewhere with some friends and see how that goes before I worry about any 1-1 stuff.....whats your play?
Star Gazer Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Honestly, it sounds like she was drunk to me. Don't read into it...just go with it. Call her in a day or so.
Pyro Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Just go with the flow. Maybe she was testing you, or she felt as though it was your job, being the guy to get the girls number. Either way, you got it and be sure to call her. Good luck.
gfto Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 My buddies are about to leave and I told her I was thinking of taking off with them..she asks me to stay for a bit. This is when you should've said "what's your phone number?" and then split with your buddies. By following her around the rest of the night, you showed no self-control. But, what's done is done. There's no way to say for sure where her interest is. The only way to find out is to call her on about Thursday (and spare me the lecture about "playing games"), and ask her out for coffee Sunday. If she accepts, then take it from there. If she waivers without giving you a definite yes, then move on. Good luck.
crazy_grl Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I'm thinking I should try to meet her out somewhere with some friends and see how that goes before I worry about any 1-1 stuff.....whats your play? If you want to ask her out, ask her out. Don't invite her out with friends. That's lame.
gfto Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 If you want to ask her out, ask her out. Don't invite her out with friends. That's lame. Absolutely. Group dates are a big no-no.
Author j_nelson Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 You're right, I should have left with my buddies at first... The things is, I don't really mean a group date...I dont want to bring a bunch of my friends and meet up with her friends.... See...we are in a foreign country...and with everyones work schedules and locations (about 40 min from each other) its hard to do anything during the week...pretty much live for the wknds, and everyone goes crazy.... Typically we all go to the same city in the wknds, and party there...its pretty much in the middle....my thinking was (and maybe I'm wrong) that we will both be there this wknd (Saturday night)...I was going to say something along the lines of "I'm going to be out in ___ on Saturday night, let's meet up somewhere"....I was going to see how that went and then see if she wants to go out the next week.... So you guys seem to think that's a bad plan and I should just skip that and go to the solo thing?
Author j_nelson Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 And don't worry, I wasn't planning on calling before Thursday anyway...I was actually going to call her after the wknd, but my girlfriend says that's too long....and she will think I'm not interested...which is part of what I want anyway....but Thursday it is
crazy_grl Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Well, I think you're more likely to get her to go out with you if you make it a group thing, but I also think you're more likely to end up as just a buddy or a drunken make-out partner. If you're into a relationship, then ask her on a date. That way you know where you stand. If she accepts, she's interested. If not, she's not. my girlfriend says By girlfriend, you mean girl friend right? If you're getting dating advice from your gf, you've got a really cool gf.
Author j_nelson Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Hahah thanks buddy...and yeah, i meant a girl friend...my fault...
Sand&Water Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 RE: Typical. She was testing you, determining where your limits/boundaries lie. The fact that she was up-front with you all night, confident, and took the lead in almost everything suggests she likes to play the game, with two. She must love it, being the centre of attention. J_nelson, don't get your hopes up -way up. I don't want to crush your image, but I think she'll flake out on you in the near future. Plus, you've got to show game too. It was almost like you were a rag doll in her hands. Turn you left and right. You don't want a woman that can step all over you. It is dangerous and lame. Show her what you've got! Good Luck. Sand&Water
Author j_nelson Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Typical. She was testing you, determining where your limits/boundaries lie. The fact that she was up-front with you all night, confident, and took the lead in almost everything suggests she likes to play the game, with two. She must love it, being the centre of attention. J_nelson, don't get your hopes up -way up. I don't want to crush your image, but I think she'll flake out on you in the near future. Plus, you've got to show game too. It was almost like you were a rag doll in her hands. Turn you left and right. You don't want a woman that can step all over you. It is dangerous and lame. Show her what you've got! Good Luck. Sand&Water Sand&Water, thanks for your reply. I am interested in what you have to say. I'm wondering if you can elaborate a little more.... you may very well be right. It's funny that you mentioned the attention thing, because I noticed that and called her out on it too...I told her that I think she loves attention etc...and she laughed it off and told me how she was always ugly in high school etc and no one wanted her........ I guess it sounds like I was doing whatever she said and kissing her a$$ all night, but I definitely wasn't. I will call her on Thursday and let you know what happens.
typical Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Why do I get this overwhelming nagging sensation that the only reason you want to go out with her again is because she is a model and she is hot?
Author j_nelson Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 typical, I'm not sure why you feel that way, but obviously it's a big part of it. But from our conversation that night, I know she's not just a hot chick...she's actually cool...which is rare....I've dealt with enough hot girls who were dummies so it's not just the fact she's a model....but honestly, if she wasn't hot I wouldn't be as pumped about seeing her, so you are right about that.
blind_otter Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 typical, I'm not sure why you feel that way, but obviously it's a big part of it. But from our conversation that night, I know she's not just a hot chick...she's actually cool...which is rare....I've dealt with enough hot girls who were dummies so it's not just the fact she's a model..... God I've heard that so many times from dudes. "She's hot, but she's actually cool." Which leads me to believe that the number of "hot cool chicks" is either absurdly skewed to the higher end, or that guys tend to think hot chicks are "cool" more than non-hot chicks are cool, mainly because of the previously mentioned hotness. No offense or anything, but if I had a dime for every time I heard a guy friend say that, I'd be filthy rich.
Author j_nelson Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Hahaa...okay..well...you don't have to believe me...but I am saying what I know....at least this far....so I don't know what else to do..
blind_otter Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Oh no offense meant, dude. I've had my share of drunken hook ups in the past. One of them ended up lasting 3 months before my alcohol soaked brain realized that the dude I was dating was a total choad. But I would recommend hanging out sans alcohol at least once, before determining the coolness factor of anyone.
Guest Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Sounds like you got game boy! Just love it when those ym's are sweet but confident, you know? Now, if I just had s'thing to say, instead of all that yak. Better luck next time. If the time is right, I mean. Talk is cheap, but those moves, will grab yo. Thursday, huh? Why not Friday. Ummm, payday, I mean wish it was. Sundee
Author j_nelson Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Okay...so I called her Thursday night. I didn't really play it well at all, and she didn't really give me a lot to work with...here's basically what happened... Called her around 9:40 or so....said hey, whats up etc...asked her what was goin on and how her day was...she said it was really long, she was just getting in from work and was kinda tired cause she works everyday 2-10 or so..but she got off a bit early....a couple seconds later i asked what her schedule for next week looked like...she responded along the lines of "well..long.."...and I cut in and said something like "that's too bad, i was thinkin we could have met up for a drink or two"...no idea what i was thinking there.... Anyway, she asked me what i was doing tonight (thursday night) and said she had promised her gfs she would go out with them...and told me where shes going to be on saturday night....not sure if that means anything... I'm thinking if she was interested she would have said a bit more than "long" but I forget exactly what happened after that and what i said...but I didnt give her a specific time/place...kinda felt it out and was going to tell her when if she seemed a bit more available.... Anyway as irony would have it, it turns out that my group of friends already made reservations at this place where she is going earlier in the week, so there is a good chance i will see her...if i do i'll definitely see what's up... Is that considered getting shot down or did I bail her out by making that comment? One of my female friends says she would have played it the same way if she was into the guy....kinda confused...
Author j_nelson Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 by the way, she mentioned the night i met her how she was in an abusive long term relationship roughly a year or so ago...not sure if that has any effect on anything...or where her self esteem is at...
nicki Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Seeing that she was in an abusive relationship, I might surmise that she either: 1. Will go for another abusive type guy (whether she realizes it or not. Please run away from her if you see wants this kind of guy.) 2. Wants to be treated well and wants a guy who will love her for who she is, not what she looks like (she will need to have done a lot of "work" on her mental health to get here...better for you, though) I was in an abusive relationship for many years. I will always be attracted to men like that and have to make a conscious decision to say "NO" to those guys. Funny thing is, that we can't tell what someone is like until we get to know them. For women, that means we don't see whether a guy is abusive or not upfront. They are usually very charming and seem caring at first...until they get the woman hooked. So we have to run at the first sign of controlling, abusive behavior. Anyway, I don't think you have to worry too much about this stuff right now. I think if she was interested in you, she would have picked up your cue about plans for the weekend. If she is playing games, then you don't want her anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't go where she and her friends will be on Sat. Let her miss you and see that you didn't show up. Call her next week and ask her out for a specific day...Don't ask if her weekend looks busy or anything like that. Just straight out ask her out for a particular night. If she can't go out that night, she should offer up another night she is available. That's what interested women do, or at least confident women who don't play games do. Good luck. Personally, I think she sounds high maintenance and like she might want a guy who will push HER around, no matter how take-charge she seems to be...and you are wanting a mentally healthy woman, right? Not just a hot one, right?
crazy_grl Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Called her around 9:40 or so....said hey, whats up etc...asked her what was goin on and how her day was...she said it was really long, she was just getting in from work and was kinda tired cause she works everyday 2-10 or so..but she got off a bit early....a couple seconds later i asked what her schedule for next week looked like...she responded along the lines of "well..long.."...and I cut in and said something like "that's too bad, i was thinkin we could have met up for a drink or two"...no idea what i was thinking there.... I think you did you shoot yourself in the foot, but it was just a graze. You should have let her finish. You also could have offered to help her relax from her long week by taking her out. Don't worry about it though. Anyway, she asked me what i was doing tonight (thursday night) and said she had promised her gfs she would go out with them...and told me where shes going to be on saturday night....not sure if that means anything... It sounds like she at least wants to see you again. If she didn't, she wouldn't have told you where she was going. Not sure if it's because she's into you or or not though. Hard to tell, because she was suggestings times when she could see you, but only as group things. You didn't exactly ask her out on a date though. She might have suggested the group thing because she doesn't want to spend time alone with you or it could be that she doesn't ask guys on dates. Some girls don't. Anyway as irony would have it, it turns out that my group of friends already made reservations at this place where she is going earlier in the week, so there is a good chance i will see her...if i do i'll definitely see what's up... When you see her, tell her you can't make it to where she's going Sat, but that you'd love to take her out to [specific place] on [specific day]. If she accepts or offers another day/place, then she's into you. If she just turns you down or suggests another group thing, then she's not interested. Just don't get too wrapped up in this girl. Don't let the fact that she's hot get you too carried away. Remember that you're just getting to know her right now.
Kinger25 Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 OOh Im intrigued by this one.!!! Not got a lot of time to comment but do let us know how it went on the weekend wont you ?
Author j_nelson Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Thanks a lot for your respones, I really do appreciate them. nicki & crazy_grl - I think you are both right about a lot of the things you said. I will cool it a bit and see what happens. The only way to really find out what she's thinking is to ask her out at a specific time and not bail her out by cutting in....see what she says, and go from there. You're right, if she's interested she will accept or make a counteroffer, if not, at least I found out early. I have never been so vague in a first phone call before, but I was on purpose here just because of the situation (her getting lots of attn all the time from guys etc.)...I was making a councious effort to not be all over her like 99% of the guys that try and pick her up....but at the same time I suppose I have to be direct to see where she's at....anyway, I'll keep you posted. Thanks again.
gfto Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 i asked what her schedule for next week looked like. A huge, huge mistake. As Nicki said, when you ask a girl on a date, you MUST ask for a specific time and place. When you begin by asking her what her schedule is, you're basically telling her, "I have no life, and I really want you to like me, so I'll meet you anytime you can fit me in." Instead, you should simply ask her "would you like to go bowling Tuesday night?" and then shut up and listen to her response. This is how you determine whether she's into you. If she is, she'll either say, "sure, sounds like fun," or "I can't make it Tuesday, but could we do it Wednesday?" Any other answer means she isn't interested. she responded along the lines of "well..long..". This tells you very little about her interest in you, because you didn't ask the right question. You gave her too much wiggle room. Your question was vague, and you got a vague answer. Show a little confidence. Again, be SPECIFIC: "Hey, let's go see that Christmas light festival Monday night." Anyway, she asked me what i was doing tonight (thursday night) and said she had promised her gfs she would go out with them...and told me where shes going to be on saturday night....not sure if that means anything... When a woman tells you where she's going to be with her group on Saturday night, she is most likely not interested in you. But, it'll definitely stroke her ego if you show up and follow her around all night like you did the night you met her. I wouldn't go to the same place she's going to be Saturday night. Call her one more time in the middle of next week and ask her out for a SPECIFIC TIME/DATE/ACTIVITY.
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