Am I a psycho B*tch ??

[Cupcake]

Yesturday, my date and I were having a quiet evening at his home. Then a strange woman knocked on the door. He answered and talked to her for like two minutes and she went away. He came back inside and text messaged someone. A few minutes later, a woman text messaged him back.

 

He left his cell phone on the coffee table while he went to the bathroom. The cell phone was silent, but the phone lit up when the text message came through. I simply looked at it a saw that it was a female. When my date returned, I told him he had a text message from (the woman's name). He was upset that I had seen it. He told me not to touch his cell phone again.

 

Later, I just happned to notice his cell phone light up again, but that time, it was someone calling him. It was a different woman. An XGF that he swore he no longer spoke to. I didn't say anything about it. Instead, I called his phone from my own cell phone and attempted to unlock the password. It didn't work and he recieved a message from the phone company letting him know that I had attempted to gain access to his account.

 

He was very mad. He called me a psycho b*tch and told me to leave. He said I was the most evil person he ever met. I begged him to let me stay because I had nowhere else to go in the middle of the night. I was only visiting him for the weekend. He lives far away from me. He felt sorry and allowed me to stay.

 

We've been dating off and on for over three years. The last time we broke up, it was for two years because he cheated. Last night, we basically narrowed our problem down to two things: He lies and cheats. And I invade his privacy by snooping. He agreed to stop lying and cheating. I agreed to stop snooping. For starters, he came clean about everything. He told me about all the other women he's dating besides me. One of those women is his XGF.

 

Now that I know everything, I don't have to snoop. But I have conflicting thoughts about being with him. I don't feel special. And to make matters worse, this morning, after we had make up sex, he was getting ready for work. I was still in bed. He called out to me from the bathroom to wake me up (he didn't know I was already awake). And he called me twice by his XGF's name. When I didn't answer, he realized he was calling me the wrong name. I was very insulted. All he did was apologize and say he had a lot of things on his mind. Then he left for work like it was no big deal.

 

I don't know what to do. When he comes home from work today, I don't know how to act or what to say.

[norajane]

So he's admitted he's lying and cheating - though first he had to call you a psycho bitch before he admitted to it - and you're wondering what to do???

 

Pack up your things as fast as you can, leave him and don't ever look back. Why would you stay with someone who cheats on you. He's not going to change.

 

And get some therapy to figure out why you would even consider staying with someone like that! You should be very angry right now, you should be getting tested for STD's, and you should be leaving him. Since that is not what you're thinking, you need to get therapy and try to understand why you don't believe you deserve much, much better than a guy like him.

[Cupcake]

What about the fact that I tried to check his voice mail? Wasn't that a really bad thing to do? I'm not sure if he only said those things because he was angry.

[blind_otter]

I doubt it was "no big thing" to him - he most likely tried to play it off like it was no big deal.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't be there when he got back from work and I would leave no explanation. But I'm thinking that's probably not your style.

 

Ultimately, if you can't trust him, how can you build a relationship? I'm not saying you should trust him, I'm saying -- I doubt he's stopped his lying.

[norajane]

What about the fact that I tried to check his voice mail? Wasn't that a really bad thing to do? I'm not sure if he only said those things because he was angry.

 

It really doesn't matter that you tried to check his voice mail. What matters is that he lies and has been cheating on you with more than one woman.

[HennyPenny]

I think I'd like to hear what his redeeming qualities are.

[InspectHerGadget]

What about the fact that I tried to check his voice mail? Wasn't that a really bad thing to do? I'm not sure if he only said those things because he was angry.

 

What’s worse cheating on somebody or trying to check somebody’s voice mail. Cheating. And the fact you were right in guessing he was cheating on you makes it fine in my eyes.

 

He told you about all the other women is dating besides you… Did he call all of them and break up with them before you had sex with him? He is going to cheat on you again. Don’t be stupid. Get away from that loser.

[Cupcake]

We haven't been together for the past two years. During that time, we both have other people in our lives, including people we've dated. Since we've been back together for the past 6 months, I've been honest with him about other men in my life. On the other hand, he has been telling me that he's lonely and isn't dating anyone. He made me believe that he doesn't have any women in his life. But the first time I spent more than one night at his home, all these things happen. And I actually did start to feel insecure. By the end of the night, my suspicions got the best of me. I feel really bad about what I did. But I also feel bad about the way he handled it.

[HopefulOne]

We haven't been together for the past two years. During that time, we both have other people in our lives, including people we've dated. Since we've been back together for the past 6 months, I've been honest with him about other men in my life. On the other hand, he has been telling me that he's lonely and isn't dating anyone. He made me believe that he doesn't have any women in his life. But the first time I spent more than one night at his home, all these things happen. And I actually did start to feel insecure. By the end of the night, my suspicions got the best of me. I feel really bad about what I did. But I also feel bad about the way he handled it.

 

So he manipulated you... cheated on you... lied to you and you feel bad???? Your suspicions are probably dead on... You can feel bad that you invaded someone elses privacy, understandable, however... if he had nothing to hide, it truly wouldn't have been a big deal as he made it and he would have let you see his phone... well that's my take on it...

[crazy_grl]

What about the fact that I tried to check his voice mail? Wasn't that a really bad thing to do?

 

Yeah, it was bad. And you should feel horrible IF he didn't have a history of cheating, hadn't behaved incredibly suspiciously, and had turned out not to be cheating.

 

Since it turns out that he's a lying, cheating sack of filth, you should only feel slightly embarrassed about your behavior and vow not to ever do it again with your future boyfriends. You should learn from it and decide that if you feel the need to do something like that again, then you should step back from the relationship until you feel secure and trusting again.

 

And you should dump him and get into therapy to figure out why you'd even consider staying with this guy like norajane suggested.

[YellowLioness]

And he called me twice by his XGF's name. When I didn't answer, he realized he was calling me the wrong name. I was very insulted. All he did was apologize and say he had a lot of things on his mind. Then he left for work like it was no big deal.

 

I don't know what to do. When he comes home from work today, I don't know how to act or what to say.

 

Ewwww.

 

 

For real, even if you stay with this sociopathic scumbag, get yourself an STD pannel.

[Bella36]

Ok well you checked his voice mail OH WELL. i mean if he is cheating on you then you have a right to know. im not saying snopping is right, bc its NOT, but hes cheating on you and lying, theres nothing worse then those too things in a relationship, LEAVE HIM . /

 

"Once a CHEATER, ALWAYS a CHEATER!

 

I hope sometime soon you can find someone that will be good to you, and treat you good.

 

And if your really upset, Pick up the book, "it's called a break up because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt

it might help you get over the cheating lying a-hole!

[MOMMIE]

you said yourself that you are tired of being cheated on. It sounds like your bf will keep on cheating on whoever he's with. You don't deserve to be called out of your name by anybody; certainly not your boyfriend....And I just have to ask: How do you have a relationship with a man and then have other men in your life as well? In any case, Norajane and Crazygrl(you two are very funny by the way) are right. I'm sorry if you're hurt but you've gotta let him go for your owe good.

[nicki]

If you feel like someone is lying, then I see no problem with snooping. How can you trust what they say, especially if they have lied and cheated before?

 

I look at it more like seeking verification for what they SAY is the truth, not necessarily what IS the truth.

 

So, I would only feel bad if the guy was acting like an angel, never gave you a reason to doubt him, and you snooped....BUT,

 

Your guy IS lying, therefore, the snooping is besides the point. Oh, he'll try to make you think it is the whole point, but it's not.

 

Don't even apologize for it. You were right, anyway. He doesn't have a leg to stand on.

 

I'm with the poster who said to not be there when he gets home. Easier said than done.

 

But, if you stay, at least don't let him get away with making you feel bad for snooping. Tell him his lying and cheating is the point. He'll try to distract you with the the fact HE is hurt you snooped. Don't even fall for that crap.

 

You have a much bigger reason to be hurt. Personally, if he's lied before and is doing it again, I could never trust him again. Can you?

[someone2]

He agreed to stop lying and cheating.

 

Sweetie, this will never happen

 

I agreed to stop snooping.

 

You know this one will also never happen (because he WILL cheat on you again).

 

This is the classical case of the girl falling for the bad guy. I hope you wake up before it is too late.

[Walk]

You know.. I never hear about someone snooping and feeling bad because they didn't find anything. How many times do you hear of people saying, "Well, I snooped and found out that all his time has been spent to donate his kidney and hair to the needy." I only hear how someone feels guilty from the ones getting cheated on, or where the partner has definitely crossed the line.

 

I don't even consider it a moral dilema, having done my fair share of "snooping" in my life. Except, I call it protection. I do draw the lines at some things, but that's mostly due to laziness rather then moral fiber.

 

Anyway.. if you snooped and found out he lied and cheated, then drop the whole "I'm a bad person, I suck" facade. All your doing is using it as a way to excuse his behavior. You don't want to leave. You don't want to place fault on him, so you buy his crap about how you crossed the line.

 

It's a delay tactic. You don't want to face the fact that he's screwing someone else. He doesn't want to be the only one to go down in flames.

 

You snooped. Big deal. I lied to my bf about how well I'm doing in my classes this semester. Does that mean I deserve to be given an STD by my bf? Should I flog myself? And to go even further... I flipped through his phone last weekend looking at his recent call list!!! By your logic, then I would deserve to have him sleep with several women.

 

How about No. Your bf chose to lie to you. He got caught. Deal with that now. You can flog yourself for snooping after you leave his worthless butt.

 

Anyway.. point is, what are you going to do now that you know some of the truth? And I'll guarantee you only know about 60% of it at this point. If you like living your life like this then keep on focusing on the fact that you snooped. If you don't like your life, then start looking toward changing it.

[Trialbyfire]

It's up to the cheater to earn your trust and respect back.

[Gala]

Cupcake -

 

One word:

 

RUN.

 

Run. Run. Run. Run. Run.

 

Women showing up and texting him while you're THERE. OMG.

 

I can't even imagine the horror of his calling you by his ex's name.

 

 

Please know that you deserve someone who won't do these things to you.

[typical]

I am sorry, but perhaps I have read things wrong....

 

I was under the impression that you guys were casually dating....

 

*Ahem* as follows:

 

Yesturday, my date and I were having a quiet evening at his home.

 

Strange word for "boyfriend"

 

Since we've been back together for the past 6 months, I've been honest with him about other men in my life. On the other hand, he has been telling me that he's lonely and isn't dating anyone.

 

So basically, you guys are only "dating" and not officially "together" as a couple??

 

Because, if this is the case, will drastically change my advice...

 

as in,

He made me believe that he doesn't have any women in his life.

 

He might have possibly done this because although you guys are not a COUPLE and are only DATING, most likely, he didnt want to make you feel bad, so he told you that he hasnt been dating anyone, though it seems that you clearly have:

Since we've been back together for the past 6 months, I've been honest with him about other men in my life.

 

In which case, I would have to say yes, it is just a little tiny bit odd for you to behave in this manner when you are only DATING without a COMMITMENT.

[Cupcake]

I would have to say yes, it is just a little tiny bit odd for you to behave in this manner when you are only DATING without a COMMITMENT.

You're right. For the past 6 months, we have been dating without a commitment. But all of our discussions have been about us taking it to the commitment level. In fact, he has been pushing the commitment issue much more than I have. Since I've been hurt by him in the past, I have been taking things slow with him. It's like, I want to make sure that we are both feeling the same things and are ready to commit to each other.

 

When we dated before, our lives were hectic. We didn't take the time to get to know each other before jumping into an exclusive relationship. Besides his lying and cheating, many other things were wrong in our relationship, which he now blames for his lying and cheating. Now, we are both settled in our careers. He recently moved to a new city with a new home. I recently started a new job that I love.

 

After over two years of being apart, he feels that a lack of focus is what caused him to lie and cheat. He also said that I was too dramatic, judgemental, and insecure. For the past 6 months, I've been giving him the benefit of a doubt. Rather than breaking up with him based solely on my suspicions (like I did the last time), I wanted to be more certain this time of my decision to stay, or leave.

 

For the past few years, I've been wondering if I'd made a mistake by leaving him. Lately, he has been telling me that I was wrong in my suspicions. So now, I asking for proof, because even now, nothing seems to have changed. There's still strange women in his life whom he has no logical explaination for. The private phone calls and text messages. I dealt with this since the day I met him. Rather than dumping him, I'm trying to get him to open up to me. If he ask, I could prove to him that nobody else is special in my life. I want the same thing from him.

[Love2share]

If he says that he wants to commit to you, then he should be willing to prove it, espcially when things in his life appear to be different than what he says. Anyone would be suspicious under these circumstances. It was definately a bad idea for you to check his phone messages. Think about it, that's not the way you want to get information if you trust someone. You should have allowed him to give you permision to view his personal information. If he doesn't want to prove that he is man enough for you, then you should move on to someone who can. With love, everything is earned, and deserved. Love doesn't survive without effort.

[redjunebug]

I don't know what to do. When he comes home from work today, I don't know how to act or what to say.

 

 

Go home and try to salvage whats left of your weekend...this guy is a loser and you deserve better..