corny1 Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 So me and this girl are dating. We have been together for 5 months and she has stayed at my house for the last three. Never once did I make her pay a bill or help out with the mortgage. I own my own business and things got a bit slow the last couple of months due to my own lack of ambition. So anyway I guess I leaned on her a bit to help out. Ya know pay for groceries, stuff like that. She payed for the christmas tree and lights. Anyway, last saturday she up and leaves me at three in the morning. She says that she cannot be with me because my level of debt scares her. I own a business and a house and have a couple of personal loans. Isn't that part of being an adult? I told her that I would bust my ass the next few months to prove to her that I could get the business booming again. We had the best relationship. She is 26 and I am 38. She has been sheltered (spoiled) by her parents her entire life. I mean they payed for her education, car insurance, etc... Now faced with the reality of the real world with me; she bails. We had talked kids, marriage, etc.. I mean if it scared her that much shouldnt she have talked about a pre nup? Not just get up and leave? She hasnt contacted me since. Im devestated. Are people in general not loyal anymore? Any words of wisdom would help. Thanks.
norajane Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Whether money is or isn't more important than love to anyone else, it does seem to be very important to your ex. She saw what kind of life she'd have with you, and decided she wanted more financial stability so she could continue to live her life the way she has been used to with her parents. Since they paid for her education, I imagine she also has a job which supports her well. If she couldn't imagine herself contributing to your lives together, or didn't want to contribute because you'd be contributing less, then she's calculating more than she's loving. Not everyone is like that. Next time, get to know your dates longer than 2 months before moving them into your house and planning a future with children.
Guest Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Thank you that makes alot of sense. We just never saw the warning signs, she was such a nice girl.
climbergirl Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I'm not sure how to decipher this post....... on the one hand you claim she's spoiled and imply that she wants someone to support her (parents support and you paying all the bills) But on the other hand, and by your own admission, you've slacked off with your business and have a few personal loans (not to mention a mortgage). I think that bills should be split down the middle and she should be pulling her weight, but maybe it scared her that with your lack of ambition recently that you were accumulating more debt??? Or maybe she is a spoiled brat and saw that you wouldn't support her. Anyway & IMO-If I love someone, I could give a rats a## how much money he makes. But if he's bad at managing money and not living within his means---well, that would be a dealbreaker. Debt scares the crap outta me.
ThatAin'tRight Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 It's absolutely true that money isn't the most important thing, but it is an excuse for people to leave. Maybe your ex bought into the idea that you were financially set and a real go-getter (I'm am not implying that you're not) and when your business started to take a turn to the slow side and your ambition did as well, maybe she felt like she was sold a false bill of goods. It could be anything at all that made her want to leave, but the money was her excuse. I would advise that you get going on your business, focus on it, get it back up to speed and get on with your life. Use this as fuel.
Guest Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I was in the same boat. Still am kinda. My ex and I (6 months) broke up recently for a month. We are now talking again, but taking things slow. She was spoiled her whole life. Her family is pretty wealthy and she is very materialistic. She judges everything and everybody. I hated the the most about her. She even used to judge me because I never finished college. Anyways, we are about the same age difference as you and your girl. She is 22, I am 30. When she met me I was living with my mom temporarily. I lost my job a couple weeks after we met. In that 6 months I got a new better job and was able to get back into an apartment on my own. I was talking about starting a business for awhile. Money wasn't allowing at the time so it came out just as talk. She is the kind of person that needs proof. When we broke up, I took that month and did everything I could for ME. I got my DBA, started my business, and kept myself super busy. My confidence built up again. She saw this and sort of latched onto it. Like I said, we are talking again. I'm not saying it will happen to you. I'm also not saying its the best thing in the world. I'm not sure what to make of things right now. I'm always afraid of not living up to HER expectations. Thats the worst feeling ever. Don't fall into that rut. Do whatever you can now that you are on your own. I know I'm not a loser by any means. She made me feel like one....
gfto Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 You shouldn't be talking marriage and kids after only five months of dating. And, she was already living with you?! From what I've seen, usually (but not always), with that kind of age difference, she's thinking sugar daddy. As soon as she found out that you're not necessarily rich, she dropped you like a hot potato. If you hadn't been moving so quickly with this girl, and had stepped back and taken a harder, objective look at her, you might have sniffed this out before you got your heart broken. At this point, I'd block her e-mails and phone calls and move on to a new girl. Next time, SLOW DOWN.
notmakingsense Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Corny -- you did get involved very quickly here.... it is not unusual for many women to expect an older man to be a stable provider -- especially if they were raised in that type of family themselves. In hindsight, you should have spent more time figuring out if that was what she needed. In the future, make sure that the women you get involved with can be significant contributors (financially) if you still fall on hard times now and again. Otherwise, get yourself more stable financially before involving yourself seriously -- unfortunately, that's just how it is -- money will make your playing field larger.... and I'm not saying that women who expect providers are bad.. they are just raised that way, and many men like women who play that role. If you aren't one of those men, then look in a different field. There are many fields to choose from.
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