I can't make it like this...

[Mitchell24]

My boyfriend and I broke up exactly 7 months ago today... we were high school sweethearts, dated over 4 years, did everything together, our families loved each other, ect. About a year ago, he started getting to be a braggart about his talents, and it began to really bug me- he's always been one to get attention, or try to, anyway... I confronted him about it in private. After a year of this, I was sitting in his car with him in the parking lot at his workplace.

 

We stated that we had been arguing- petty things, yes- and though they did not last for more than 10 minutes, we knew it wasn't good. We also both stated that we knew we had a lot of areas to mature in, and he was afraid he was holding me back from whatever it is I wanted to do in college, although that subject had never been brought up.

 

We agreed to think about breaking up, and he'd call me when I got home. He did. Somewhere in the conversation, he began talking past tense, as if we had really broken up... I asked him if that's what he wanted, and he said that he didn't want anything getting in the way of us getting married in the future, and he wanted to be sure that I was "THE girl for him". So it was over- just like that.

 

In two months he began dating a nice girl who lives an hour and a half away from us. Her mom is a well-known author, and the girl has just started a singing career, with her first CD being issued right after they started dating. I met her while I was representing a Christian radio station that I volunteer for. I was in front of a bunch of prominent people when he walked up with her. He never introduced her, just walked up to me and asked me a question. I ran from the building and began sobbing. His mom came up and told me he just needs to find what he wants because he was so confused with college...

 

He had given me a diamond ring that his grandpa had given to his mom as a prelude to an engagment ring. Everyone knew about it. He's the only one I've ever kissed for cryin out loud!!

 

The other week, he began showing an interest in me again, with flirting and nice comments with how I looked. I try not to let it spark hope again, but I still love him. Last night he had the other girl with him. I sat as far away as possible. The last time he did that, I got so depressed I seriously thought of ending my life. My pastor told me I'll meet someone else one day and everything will be ok, but I'm scared!!!!!

 

Some say they think he's trying to get me jealous over this other girl becuase he's still immature and craves the attention of two girls' affections. They say if I date someone else, he might change his mind. But I'm afraid of hurting someone else!!! I need help!!!! I cry every night... if I see him, I know I look like a silly schoolgirl swooning or something...

 

What should I do????? I need advice!!!!!!!!!! Please help...

[ThatAin'tRight]

First of all, stop the whole "ending my life" talk. Nothing is worth that kind of sacrifice.

Secondly, it's ok to cry every night, you're mourning for crying out loud.

Give yourself time to heal, and get positve with yourself. Think of it as a test in which you're about to find out exactly what you're made of.

[Mitchell24]

But I want that relationship back... I'm scared that he'll get all wrapped up in this girl because of her new career... Others have told him that I still love him and I've been taking it really hard. They said he just responded with "I still care about her and I don't want to see her hurting." Not long after he began dating this other girl I made brief mention that someone else was interested in me (maybe not quite as interested as I may have made it sound to him). He got kinda upset about it and those who talked to him after said he got shaken over the idea of me in another relationship...

 

Should I tell him that I still love him, cry every night, and miss him terribly, or what??

 

I'm a very traditional girl- in that I believe the man should be the leader of the relationship. I don't want to seem that I am chasing him. That's another reason I'm afraid I lost him... he had talked to my dad about us getting engaged during college. Both our parents were fine with that. his dad even treats me like his daughter. I've talked to my still-hopeful-future-father-in-law. He said he don't know where his son's head is at either, and for me to concentrate on finishing college...

 

What's even more complicated is that a month after we broke up, my ex volunteered one last parting kiss which I agreed to- that was a mistake. His dad interrupted us... he gave us wise advice over the situation, stating that we had to get this thing resolved on our own.

 

It's like "he loves me, he loves me not..." It's like at times he can feel us getting close again, then he runs away.....

 

Should I confront him or not?? I hate my life like this....

[Cossette4]

Sorry to hear you are not doing well...

 

I am going through a very similar situation. I dated my boyfriend for almost 5 and a half years (since I was 16) and he was my highschool sweetheart and my first and only love. Things were totally fine from a drama standpoint, but we were slowly drifting apart because I started getting really serious about college and internships and careers and he really didn't seem to want to grow up. We got into some heated discussions about it at times I know I put him down and probably made him feel "not good enough" for me.

 

He decided it would be a good idea to lie and say that he was doing really well with school and work, but I'd always discover his lies and be really hurt by them and then end up yelling more.

 

Things continued like this until this summer when I lived in NYC. He came to visit me for a week and things were great, but two weeks later he calls me, and cold as ice, tells me he doesnt think we are going to work out, and that I'll find someone else b/c "it's not like I (my ex) was amazing or something." Then he refuses to talk to me for the next month and a half, tells all of our mutual friends that he "went through hell" dating me, and then refuses to see or speak to me because he is "bitter." We've had a couple forced meetings and phone calls, but he acts like our 5 years never even mattered.

 

I came home from NYC a month later to discover he was already living with another girl (who is an ugly, unemployed, high-school dropout, skank who posts naked pictures of herself on the internet). He tells me that "she's more important than you," and then has the nerve to tell me, "she makes me happy."

 

Everyone tells me it's a rebound b/c there was no mention of the girl until the day he broke up with me, where he told friends, "Oh yeah there's this girl I'm thinking about but I dunno what's gunna happen with that..." Everyone says he threw himself into this relationship because he was feeling like he wasn't good enough for me, so he had to go to someone that low to make himself feel high and mighty and impressive again.

 

It's been 5 months now, and even though I really in my heart believe this isn't really who he wants to be with and that he is angry at me because he WANTED to be with me instead, I'm still broken to pieces inside. There are days I hate him because the way he treated me and the emotional betrayal he put me through by running to another girl makes me sick. There are days where I feel that I'm partially to blame b/c I was always getting on his case about not keeping up.

 

I feel like I could NEVER take him back, because I can't trust him with his lies, I can't trust that he wouldn't just throw in the towel again some day and turn my world upside down, and I can't even look at him the same way without seeing him as the live-in boyfriend of a nasty trailer trash skank.

 

I don't even know what I want (other than an apology) but some days I feel like I'll never get over this or get better. I wake up every day and this is the first thing I think of.

 

So feel free to keep talking because you are definitely not alone.

[silentalways]

well, no-one should end their life - u only get one of those you know - wink

 

but those moody blues i can relate to only in the way that ive learned how to turn them off

 

gawd - i really have nothing to be sad about anymore - i'm making wicked strides on all myu projects

 

really!

 

for example - the next two nights are new house buying - the sale of the tonka was finalized today

 

amazing eh

 

that alone is huge

 

i should maybe remind people that whenever u see a dramtic posting from me its just filler for someone i know and really q nugde for her to tell me a story - wink

 

she's gotta notice i don'ty write these monster poison pen posts anymore

 

and i am just chillaxing there is no pressure or timeline or expectation here othetr than to be yerself right?

 

and just to remind SO again - i don't do that crying broken guy act - that was LAST WINTER - its been a year!

[addicted2love]

I feel for you sweetie. I dated my first love for 4 years...I met him when I was sixteen. We went through a lot of ups and downs together and broke up and got back together more times than I can count during the last year of our relationship. He was going through a hard time (family stuff) and I tried to be there for him but he was mixed up emotionally and pushed me away. So when I met someone else I ran to the new guy. Moved out of state and got married!

 

I spent the first 3 years of my marriage feeling like I had made a big mistake by not sticking it out and being patient with my first love. I knew the moment I met my first love that I wanted to marry him. A year into my marriage I found out that my first love married someone else too. I was crushed.

 

Now 13 years later he contacted me and we discovered that we still love each other very much but there is nothing we can do....we both are married with children. It's sad... I swear there hasn't been a day that has gone by in the last 13 years that something hasn't reminded me of him. And he's thought of me often over the years too.

 

If you feel this strongly about him and he still feels strongly about you try your very best to talk to him. Be strong, and patient because guys are very stubborn, but if you know he's the one for you (your heart will tell you) then let him know it. Everyone tells me that if it were meant to be it would just be. I disagree, Sometimes if you know in your heart it's meant to be you've got to make it happen! When you find true love you have to hold on tight and never let it go! Good Luck!

[Mitchell24]

Well, I saw him again tonight at church. I him glancing at me from across the room several times. And after the service, I got up with my church pianist to practice a song I'm planning on doing soon... i've never done a solo except for competitions when I was still in school, but that was long ago... I've never sung a solo in front of him- we both had the same vocal teachers, but he was far more outgoing than I. He had always tried to get me to, though.

 

Now that he's dating this girl who's got a new singing career, I've decided to swallow my pride, and use the gift God has given me to the best of my ability-not that i'd be as good as her (even though I know in my heart that's not what's important)...

 

Anyway, he saw me getting ready to practice, stopped what he was doing, and just looked at me for a moment. I could feel my heart completely stop!! Then he kinda snapped out of it, and made some sort of slight remark about how it was about time I sang, then left.

 

His grandmother told me tonight that I "was her favorite grandchild," even if her grandson's dating a perfect model... and that she was praying everything still works out. His dad seems like he don't want me to push it, so I don't push his son farther away- he says to let things take their course. But his mom-- that's another thing... I think she's mad at me... I know she is if her daughter told what I did- her daughter's engaged to a guy 10 years older than herself, against her dad's wishes. She's planning the wedding against what her dad wants, and lying to him about it so he'll still pay for it. For three months, she told everybody about her lies, proud that she was "snowing" her dad.

 

I love her dad just as much as he was my own! I eventually, and very cautiously, told her dad about it. I cried really bad while telling him, too. I knew it hurt him, but he said it would've hurt him more if he hadn't known. I know he discussed it w/ her. She don't care that he knows because she don't care 'bout her dad. But I think her mom despises me because I've tried to talk to her daughter about it. We used to talk a lot anyway. I'm afraid that because of that, she'll push me away from her son, and push him towards the girl with the money, parent's fame, and prestigue (sp?).

 

i asked my ex two months ago if he had to do it over, would he still have ended it, and if he still loved me. (we were in a prelude to an official engagement-including a diamond)

 

He told me, "I don't know.. I don't even know who I am right now... I just need some time to think things through."

 

Me: "Are you just saying that as not to hurt me, or is it the truth?"

 

H: "it's the truth. I annoyed you a great deal-"

 

M:"No! You did not!"

 

H:"I need to mature. I know that's what's wrong with me. I'm scared over college. I don't know what that's going to be like... I wouldn't get to see you as much, and that wouldn't be fair to you."

 

M: "I don't mind that- you have to put that first, just as me. But do you still care for me? If you don't, please just tell me, and I'll move on and not bother you about this again..."

 

H: ":tears in voice: Yes, I do. I do very much. I don't want to see you hurt, and I'm sorry... "

 

M: "Would you consider getting back together in the future to see where it leads?"

 

H: "I would. I think we both need some time apart to be sure we're right for each other. I still care for you. i'm just confused..."

 

Guys, what does that mean???? You date a girl for over four years, you know you're the only guy she's ever kissed, hugged, ect. You've asked her to marry you- without her encouragement or hinting of the matter- she's defended you even if you were wrong, yet you dump her and begin dating a girl with a famous author for a mom, a new singing career, and who's well-off with finances- but you have to drive an hour and a half to see her... WHAT GIVES?!?!?!?!?

 

I'd appreciate any input on this... WHAT SHOULD I DO?? You guys, what do you think is going through his head?? I've been torn apart over this for seven months.... Each day is harder instead of easier...

[jusified]

addicted2love,

 

That is very sad, I'm only a youngy so I would have no idea how you feel. I'm 21 and my first love (20) who i was going out with for nearly 2 years left me 2 weeks ago. Shes overseas for 6 month but basically she left me still confused about herself and needs to discover & experience things herself. I know now that she met someone new the weekend she left me and shes been in contact with him daily atm and just wants to know what else in a relationship she can have/want.

 

I hope my situation don't turn out like yours, but i would like to know what your mentality was when you left your first love for the new guy.

 

With that said you must have loved your new love in some way right? Maybe thats the way life is and we should all just let go of the past and make the best of the present and the future.

[Mitchell24]

Actually, my love left me... just out of nowhere... and it's like at times he's trying to rub his new girl in my face. I haven't had the heart to even think about dating anybody else again. It's like I'm missing one whole side of my body... I just can't figure out what's going through his mind, or even if we my still have another chance.

 

Several people who know both of us have said that if I start seeing another guy, he'll come around and see me differently. I don't really want to do that, because what if the "new" guy got hurt just as I've been hurt?? I don't think I could do that to anybody.

[Mitchell24]

Ah!, sorry, justified!! I misread your post... too early in the morning for me!

[jusified]

lol, Michell I know i was sort of asking addicted2love but it was good to hear your story too.

 

I know its hard but maybe your ex has just moved on, like i think my ex has just lost interest and moved on also (even if it was out of nowhere). Emotions are always hard (how long have you broke up for?) but it sounds like you really deserve someone better and if you keep stopping yourself from letting go then you might never meet and see the great guy for you even if he walks past you.

 

Or simply, his not worth it if thats how he treats you even if there is a chance he will come back.

[Mitchell24]

justified,

It's been seven months and three days since our relationship ended... I'm sorry to hear about your ex. It's rough...

 

Somebody who's seen the whole situation told me today that she believes that my ex's new girl isn't all she makes herself to be, that she's got another nature about her. She thinks she might make herself "available" to my ex... if that ever happens I WOULD completely die inside. This source has a strange knack of reading people.

 

If any of you were my ex, what do you think would be going through his mind? Do you think there still could be a chance of us getting back together???

[jusified]

if i were your ex i would probably try and get with you just because i know there might be a chance if my current gf leaves for an ex (I'm thinking from his perspective because i would never be in his situation).

 

But serious Mitch, it might be good to get back with him at first, but I really don't think it would be a good idea. Just think about why do you want to be with him after all this and what have you realised after the relationship.

 

From the sound of things we really all need to realise we need to move on and there will be better ppl for us all.