Abbo Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Well, its been a few months, but here I am again! Got my third chance with my ex after I had started moving on, and enjoying life. She begged for me back, asked me to marry her, promised she knew what she was missing, wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, leaving me was the biggest mistake ever. After a while, I let her back, and started to love her again. After all, we had been together for 5 years. I honestly started to believe the rest of my life was sorted! 5 months later, she's losing interest again. No sex for six weeks (RED FLAG), not picking up the phone when I call etc etc etc. I was aware of all of this and spoke to her about it, wondering what was wrong. The last conversation we had on the matter was 2 weeks before the split. She said she was just OFF sex at the moment, and I explained that it totally wouldn't be a problem if I knew we were safe and happy in our relationship, but that she wasn't showing me any interest at all from her end. No cuddles when watching tv, no "hey, how is your day" messages, nothing, we were like room mates sharing a bed! I told her at that point that if she couldn't just at least make me feel wanted, or at least like her boyfriend by just doing the little things, then she should leave because it was all give give give on my behalf! She did not want to leave, and didn't Two weeks later, I sat down next to her and asked her "why are you still with me?" explained that she couldn't say "I love you" to me anymore, no interest in sex, and no interest in socialising, or having fun with me. Her response was "I don't know" needless to say she left that night, moved all her stuff out of the apartment the next day while I was out (at my request) and I haven't spoken to her since. (two weeks today). I said to her (very calmly, no anger or shouting etc) that I didn't think I ever wanted to see her again, and that she can't do this to people, it's just not nice. Anyway, here's the quick question!! Her Grandma sent me an Xmas card today. Should I send one back? Her Gran is great, and I have no hard feelings at all for any of the family, they are such nice people. But is this breaking NC? She doesn't live with her Gran, but i'm sure she will know she sent me a card, and will also know if I send one back. (they only live 5 minutes apart) I see her Gran quite a bit at my work place (she uses the sauna etc) and even when me and the EX have been split in the past we've always had a quick chat about her latest trip, and life in general etc, and she always gives me a kiss on the cheek! Bless her, she's great! I actually want to send the card, but not sure what all you guys and gals will think! Thanks for reading, any advice greatly appreciated! -ABBO-
KittenMoon Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I actually want to send the card, but not sure what all you guys and gals will think! You know your situation best. If sending a card won't rock the boat, and isn't a cry for attention, I don't see the harm. I think especially with the older folks (who probably see a lot of this relationship stuff with a sort of amused nostalgia) it's ok to keep things casual with them. You said you've said hi and such with her before when youve been split- why does it matter if your ex knows you sent a card now? Just make the card entirely about the grandmother- leave all mention of the ex, etc, out of it. Keep your stuff between you and your ex.
Author Abbo Posted December 11, 2006 Author Posted December 11, 2006 Thank you Kitten, It is merely about not offending a very nice old lady! And it will simply say, "Have a great holiday" or something like that. I guess you're right, who cares if the ex knows or not. The only thing that is playing on my mind is that I was strong in the break-up, and I don't want her thinking that i'm trying to get her family on side. Weird I know, but the EX may see it that way, and I lose the strong stance I have now. She thinks I said "enough is enough, out you get" but do I seem weak sending her Gran a card after that!? Hmmm i'm clearly overthinking! -ABBO-
Ssheena Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 No, I think you are fine sending the Gran a card. You have a seperate relationship with her which doesn't include the x. Send a card. She probably knows her granddaughter is a flake anyway and it's not like you did anything to deserve the treatment/behavior of her granddaughter anyway.
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