MOMMIE Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 okay, i finally found the nerve to tell my s*x partner that i wanted something more, and he got all stupid on me, so he's officially "cut off"...but i care so much about him, and i miss him so bad...now he's calling and driving around my place....what should i do??? should i even talk to him???
notmakingsense Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 What do you mean by "got all stupid with me"? Its hard to tell whether you should cut him off or work with him on this issue. Friends-with-benefits relationships often end up in this type of situation, where one person wants more, and the other just wants to keep enjoying the fun without strings. The most important thing is that you stick to your principles. Don't let him sweet-talk you back into an affair if you know deep-down it won't be going anywhere. Personally, I don't agree with FWB relationships simply because most people aren't equipped to really deal with the other person not becoming emotionally attached. Most of them usually self destruct painfully.
Author MOMMIE Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 by "got all stupid" i mean that he said "i don't know what i want"..."i guess i want whatever you want"...i never wanted him to feel like i was "forcing" him into something...which is exactly what i think i did...i'm sort of out of touch with the whole dating thing...i didn't think we were friends with benefits...i had never even heard of that until joining this click.....i started out just funning around, and dating i guess, and before i knew it we were in this crazy routine of pretty much sex only...i totally plan on sticking to my principles; i guess i should not talk to him at all then? so who's likely to self destruct, me or him???????
notmakingsense Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 No, without knowing more, it sounds like you and he should still talk more about this. You do need to get him to a point where he wants to make a decision, because you are no longer getting enough from the relationship itself. However, I don't think you need to approach this with a tremendous amount of seriousness or a "lets sit down and talk" approach. Instead, why don't you just start inviting him to do more traditional girlfriend/boyfriend types of things -- like meeting your friends and family, dates during the day (which don't necessarily end up with having sex), routine things, and so on. He knows you want more now, so you will be able to measure his response by how he acts from now on. All the while, try to have little conversations about it in an unthreatening way. If you find him unwilling to work on this new phase of your rleationship, you should start cut off the sex and break up with him.
Ssheena Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Agreeing with notmakingsense. Also, please don't use Capital Letters To Start Every Word. Makes it hard to read and keep all your posts to one thread as well as that makes it easier to follow. He's probably in shock that you just cut him off but I think it is good that you realized that it's not what you want and you do have feelings for him. I don't know how you worded it to him or what you said but I'm thinking what you could have said is, hey, I have realized I care about you more than just a Buck Fuddy (which is another slang description for what you two were). I would hope that you would care and respect yourself enough that if you aren't getting what you want out of this, that you cut it off. Might have worked to tell him, ya know, what do you think of taking this to the next level or asking him how he feels about you. I tried doing this with a guy once, the 'ol sex with no feelings/just for sex thing and I ended up feeling like a slut. Not a whore because I wasn't even getting PAID for what I was giving him and he could have cared less about how I felt (he was getting laid good! and for free! and whenever he wanted!). I can't believe I put myself in that situation now but I've grown and have more respect for myself now. Better to post here then give him yourself for nothing.
Author MOMMIE Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 i really don't even know how to use this site(ssssheena)as you so nicely pointed out....all this sh*t is new to me...i think i had my caps on....anyway, the last portion of your reply pretty much sums up how i am feeling....how long did your fling last....how long did it take you to get over it? did he just walk away after you told him you wanted more?....i'm almost too embarrassed to even talk to him now....thanks for the input...
Ssheena Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 It's ok. I hope I told you politely enough about the Caps And All but for me at least to follow it helps to have all lower case/correct punctuation. You're getting it! My fling lasted oh, I don't know, maybe 5 to 6 months. It didn't take me long to get over it because I knew and he had made it clear that that's all it was. I think I even told him that he could call a 900 number if that's all he wanted and he replied this was cheaper. (Slap in the face/wake UP!). Yes, he just walked away. On to the next for him. It seems like you want to give him an ultimative. Either you want to see where this could go and start being boyfriend/girlfriend or I'm not doing this anymore because it's not what I want. I care about you and I want to be in a committed relationship. That way, whatever you want is clearly presented and it is clear that you do not want to continue like you are. How often were you two seeing each other? Everyday? How did it work? Did he just call and come over? Did he show you any consideration? Good luck!
Author MOMMIE Posted December 11, 2006 Author Posted December 11, 2006 hey ssheena, i just had to tell you this...last nite while i was replying to your questions, he called...i answered and he asked me if i would come over and watch "his show" with him. i told him "that we're not doing it" and he said "okay, you act like that's all i want". Long story short...he was all over me..we almost came to blows because i was fighting him off. Granted, we had wine, but i have never seen him like that before, but then i never was fighting him off either. We ended up arguing and he said "find baby, if you want me to leave you alone i will":( He said "come on i'm taking you home", and I said "I'd rather walk".....i'm just out done...and when and if he does call (i'm almost sure that he will be calling, he's one of those who has to have his way...a manipulator) I can't answer the phone or see him..It is officially over and I have the whole new year to look forward to. But in the mean time...I just hope I am to move on quickly...any tips? I could give Beyonce a run for her money(on a good day:p ) and he looks like a monkey's a**...I can't believe that I fell for him the way that I did....
Ssheena Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I probably would have asked him when he said, you act like that's all I want, that if it wasn't (just sex) what did he want? Now you just have to figure out what it is you are looking for and decide that you aren't going to settle (defination is make do with, you want to make do with a man that doesn't offer you what you want??? Heck no!) for anything less. I don't have any tips for you but if you could give Beyonce a run for her money on a good day then you won't need any! Good for you!!!
Ssheena Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I'm bumping this up cause I have the feeling Mommie is slipping in her resolution to hold out for what she really wants which is someone who doesn't just use here....am I right??
Author MOMMIE Posted December 17, 2006 Author Posted December 17, 2006 What's up...I was thinking about you yesterday because I had not seen you posting....What makes you say that? I'm still holding out....
Author MOMMIE Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Well, he called again last nite....and yes, I answered( I know I violated rule #1 of the "LS nc code) ...but I gotta say, that I'm glad I did because he asked me "what do I have to do to be able to see you everyday?".....But I said "I don't know"...The whole nc thing has just made me numb....at this point I don't know what to do or say....I so want to make him suffer like I did, but I don't know about that either....So can I please get a "what what" on this...??? I so don't want to blow it....
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