sadie b Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 So my MM and I have been seeing each other for over 4 years. I never wanted anything more from him until 4 months go i decided we couldnt keep doing this. I was missing him not being with me when i wanted and needed a more regular relationship. So we broke up, not the first time ever but inevitably couldn't stop seeing each other. We decided that we would get this year out of the way both have real big think and know what we want to do by jan. He knows what i want and i know he wants to be with me however him and his W have no problems and im really not sure that he will leave her. He knows that he has to hurt her by leaving and then he knows he'll really struggle without me in his life. We have spoken about it a few times every couple of weeks it comes up stuff like that the kindest way to do it would be to leave her and live on his own and then few months later introduce me properly into his life. I know all the ins and the outs i have been through every possible view point just really very unsure how this will play out. I know for sure that if he doesn't plan this and play it out then im not continuing the A. just curious if anyone has been where im at now and any advice that may help, im all ears! Think i should be prepared either way.
scaredinlove Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 So my MM and I have been seeing each other for over 4 years. I never wanted anything more from him until 4 months go i decided we couldnt keep doing this. I was missing him not being with me when i wanted and needed a more regular relationship. So we broke up, not the first time ever but inevitably couldn't stop seeing each other. We decided that we would get this year out of the way both have real big think and know what we want to do by jan. He knows what i want and i know he wants to be with me however him and his W have no problems and im really not sure that he will leave her. He knows that he has to hurt her by leaving and then he knows he'll really struggle without me in his life. We have spoken about it a few times every couple of weeks it comes up stuff like that the kindest way to do it would be to leave her and live on his own and then few months later introduce me properly into his life. I know all the ins and the outs i have been through every possible view point just really very unsure how this will play out. I know for sure that if he doesn't plan this and play it out then im not continuing the A. just curious if anyone has been where im at now and any advice that may help, im all ears! Think i should be prepared either way. Believe it or not we are in very similar situation. My MM says January he will decide if he will be with her or me. Four months ago our problems started whrn she found out and we broke up and made up many times and we talk from times to time. I my case I told him I am out. I can't wait anylonger even if is a couple of weeks. I decided to let it go and if he really wants to be with me then he will have to look for me. Good luck, whatever you decide.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 In the end it's more than likely you will walk away with a heartache, and at the very least lot's of emotional damage between multiple parties. I doubt you partnerships will ever work out, they rarely do if ever.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 So my MM and I have been seeing each other for over 4 years. I never wanted anything more from him until 4 months go i decided we couldnt keep doing this. I was missing him not being with me when i wanted and needed a more regular relationship. So we broke up, not the first time ever but inevitably couldn't stop seeing each other. We decided that we would get this year out of the way both have real big think and know what we want to do by jan. He knows what i want and i know he wants to be with me however him and his W have no problems and im really not sure that he will leave her. He knows that he has to hurt her by leaving and then he knows he'll really struggle without me in his life. We have spoken about it a few times every couple of weeks it comes up stuff like that the kindest way to do it would be to leave her and live on his own and then few months later introduce me properly into his life. I know all the ins and the outs i have been through every possible view point just really very unsure how this will play out. I know for sure that if he doesn't plan this and play it out then im not continuing the A. just curious if anyone has been where im at now and any advice that may help, im all ears! Think i should be prepared either way. And what if the answer is that he's not leaving? What are you prepared to do then? No contact? You need to decide that ahead of time... I find your words that he has no problems with his W unsettling...he is having an A, for 4 years...and if there are "no problems" why would he leave? The solution of him leaving on his own and introducing you afterwards I think is a good one...but it's getting him to that point... Plus, I don't think that the R has a chance to be successful if the MR only ends because of the A... Good luck...come and post here...we're here to help...
Touche Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 All of the other issues aside, I'm just curious about one thing: Don't you have any pride? Take a page out of scaredinlove's page and leave NOW. I can't for the life of me imagine myself sleeping with a man and letting him be with me while he takes his time deciding who he wants to be with...ewwww:sick: How utterly humiliating. I'm serious...not trying to be mean or anything but I could never live with myself if I ever subjected myself to that kind of treatment. And I agree with GEL...doesn't sound like the guy has ANY reason to leave whatsoever. Be ready to be disappointed. But I'm sure you're used to that by now in this kind of relationship, right?
frannie Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I agree with those who have said... if he has 'no problems' with his wife, there is no way he will leave. Why would he..? It doesn't make any sense.
oyster Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I am in same boat, I guess mid-January onwards, we will have stories to share
frannie Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I am in same boat, I guess mid-January onwards, we will have stories to share Hey, who just can't wait for that..??
Touche Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Hey, who just can't wait for that..?? I for one, can wait. It's going to be a thread full of disappointment and heartache. Duh!
frannie Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I for one, can wait. It's going to be a thread full of disappointment and heartache. Duh! I was being ironic
sadieb Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 So I guess the outcome is not going to be good, it is a lot easier to look from the sidelines and be objective than being in the middle of the situation. Regards those of you who think he wont leave because his relationship is fine I guess I think he would leave to have it better be happier totally in love than being with his W the way things are. And Touche you said have I no pride and maybe you are right, I have on many occasions told him that if at any point he doubts us being together forever then to let me know we'll wind this up. I guess that by giving him time I have done everything I can to give him the opportunity, I would not want to do something rash and then regret it later. So January is the deadline we are both away over Xmas and New Year so space may give us both some perspective. I spoke to him yesterday about it he says he doesnt want to hurt anyone and he doesnt want to regret this opportunity at happiness. I told him he is going to cause a lot of hurt either way and has to accept that its either home as it is or us. Simplified he decides who he loves the most and rolls with that. In Jan if he doesnt choose then Im ending it all, he knows this. I have also told him if he is not bothered about us we may as well finish now. Im know I want forever with him and I really believe he feels the same just got to really hurt his W and leave if he wants us enough and that is nothing that any man should do lightly without thought. Will keep you all updated.
puddleofmud Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Such a hard thing to have to go through over the holidays! Stand strong and we are here no matter the outcome!
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