Guest Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I need help. I am so confused. I met what I thought was a really great guy. We met for coffee one day and the following weekend we met for breakfast. At that time he told me he had not broken it off with his girlfriend so I told him I was not into triangle, therefore I was not interested in a relationship with someone who was already involved. He broke it off that day and we started dating afterwards. We met online line. I asked him why he was looking on line if he was already involved. He said that she had small children and he did not like children. So I accepted this. A few months later, I notice that he was moody so I asked what was wrong. He said that he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend but was not going to do anything about it. The day before we went on a cruise and at my graduation she was there; but I did not know. He told me that he hugged her and that was it. We went on a cruise for a week and we really enjoyed ourselves. Since we returned it has not been the same. We spend less time together, he is in and out of depression, and now he tells me that he has talked with her three times. I told him he had to make a choice, he could not have us both. He told me he chose me and has told her that it is over. I now find out that he has his profile on-line again under his middle name. I asked him about it and he said that entered his profile out of anger at the vendor because they had charged him after he had canceled. He told me he would delete the profile. I said okay. Now a 1.5 weeks later I receive an email notification that he was last online in the last 24 hours. The night before, he told me that even though he had broken it off with his former girlfriend for good, he is having a hard time. He adores me and does not want to hurt me but tells me that he still loves her. I asked him then why is he with me, and he said because I am the good woman and the best person for him. Right now, I am so hurt and confused. I want to say goodbye but I am so afraid that I would be throwing in the towel too soon. We have plans of being together over the holidays with our families. He and I are cooking dinner for his family for Christmas and I will be entertaining his children who will be visiting. I really like his kids and they like me. My children like him also. Sometimes I think I should give it through the holidays to see if we can get this behind us. There is one more concern. All of his friends and family like me but his best friend. His friend has stated that he does not want to be around when I am there. They spend a lot of time together -- lately he has been spending more quality time with his friend than with me. His friend is going through a divorce and had wanted to move in with my BF for a second time. My BF asked my opinion, and I told him the first time he allowed him to move it was the right thing to do. The second time around, it was my opinion that it was not a good thing because he would be delaying his friend from having to make choices about where he lived long-term and his marriage. BTW, the first time, he and his friend fell out over his young child and the fact that he did not pay any rent. We are all in our late 40's. I am too embarrassed to share this with anyone so I come to you for advice. Please help.
daphne Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I can't tell from your post how long you've been dating. I can tell, however, that your boyfriend is a really wishy washy guy. He doesn't know what he wants and he wants what he can no longer have. He's roped you into this relationship but now he's getting cold feet. This isn't love. Guys like this don't have a whole lot of that to offer to be honest. They look at people as an opportunity. I don't know how you feel about it, but I like feeling more important than an opportunity.
snowdiamond Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 If he adores you so, then why can't he make up his mind? I think you should go ahead with your holiday plans with him and both your families. If he's still on the fence after spending the holidays with you, then you should let him go. If he's being wishy-washy and can't make up his mind, make up yours and do no contact. Not to get him back, but to figure out for yourself if you want to keep being treated like a yo-yo. You sound like a cool person and you can do better than him.
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