So what do I do?

[Bella36]

Ok. I need some advice. PLEASE. First I want to say that i just joined this site, and this is my first post.

 

-> OK So this is the situation, I have been with my boyfriend for a little more then a year and half. Everything is good. We are happy,sometimes we fight. which is normal, but he makes me extremly happy.. and he is something i don't want to lose.

The problem-He recently (4 months ago) Went to jail.(more of a rehab) He is not in a cell, it's more like a progam. He went there for violating probation. (for drugs) I'm going to be honest,he has a coke problem. he has has it for a big portion of his life. So for the 4 months that he has been in there, I have been visiting him 2 times a week. And he writes me and were very much in love, and he wants to move in together when he gets out. (he will have a job, thru the program) ( i won't be supporting him or anything) So he wants to move in together. and i dont know what I want to do. i LOVE being with him, and he will be in this program untill early april. But since he has a history of alcoholism and drug abuse. i dont know what to do? please give me advice. I am confused. he says that he hasnt used drugs since hes been in there.( I guess other people have been using) And he says he wont go back to them. but i know in my heart that he wont be cured with just the rehab. I know hes going to need more help i guess? i Don't know. PLEASe someone give me some advice.. ! thank you.

 

-Very confused

[silentalways]

bella,

 

i was deeply touched by yer post and wanted to tell u something and this is from personal, recent experience and will make a difference in your life.

 

i am going to tell u something right now and i hope u read it as much as u need to until it sinks in....chant it, yell it, whisper it, whatever - but u need to really do what i am about to suggest u do

 

the one thing u are not doing - and if u simply do it, u will be with the man u love

 

trust me on this because i know this to be true for a fact [because i asked a certain woman, the very same thing] so if u truly love this man, want to be with him, marry him, grow old with him - u need to step up to the plate]

 

all u have to do is tell him, now, because u just posted [call, email, whatever] TALK TO HIM - tell him that!

 

because saying u love him on a site is pointless. if u love him,TELL HIM YOU BELIEVE IN WHAT HE HAS PROMISED YOU

 

do u not understand what that means? that is the very thing that will keep him from failing?

 

Trust me. I know. That's all I needed.

 

I hoped that helped. I have to get home now and get some sleep.

 

Sending you positive vibes

[Bella36]

thank you Silentalways

for your advice. you are right, If i tell him that i beleive in what he's telling me that he is going to do, and he doesnt do it, then that obviously doesn't mean that he cares about me. right?

that sounded alittle confusing i hope you understood that. thank you though again.

 

 

any advice from anyone else?

[tikigods]

People can say a lot of things, its up to him to show ihs actions will speak louder then words in this case. You have every right to not want someone that has drugs or booze problems in your house bringing that to you. I say give him a chance to prove he is clean and then move on from there

[silentalways]

tiki's obviously doesn't understand how telling someone u love and believe in them works i guess

 

doesn't understand the power of that

 

allow me to explain

 

most people know my story

 

know what i went thru BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN ME

 

the opposite happens when u believe

 

sometimes women don't understand what a man will do for someone he loves and when they pull the wait and see crap and the tests that is the opposite of what u do to a love

 

i am am example of that [and i will not explain further but just say this, every single thing one would need for proof and trust is always there - the one thing that's missing is the female contribution. you don't get anywhere testing someone and doubting them]

 

i really don't know how to make this any clearer

 

if u had my cell number i would tell you - you would hear the truth from my voice

 

yes, i actually own a cell phone

 

i could tell u why i know u doing that is true and fact, but doing that is wrong because U NEED TO TRUST AND BELIEVE IN YER MAN ON YER OWN

 

i wish u much wisdom as u think this thru but like i said, when u posted that, u had good mojo, if u wait it will disappear, if u call yer man, you both grow stronger and will keep moving forward

[Bella36]

thank you silentalways for thatpost. i understand it better. I can't call him bc there not allowed phone calls. i will see him tomorrow morning at the visit and im going to tell him that. thank you

 

 

 

anyone else have advice?

[silentalways]

bella,

 

just from reading yer 3 posts and your last comment, i want to tell u that, even though i do not know u, that just made my day

 

it is not a secret to anyone that has read any of my posts that the woman i told the very same thing as i just did to you did not say what u just said

 

in fact, she said nothing

 

and everything i told u that WILL HAPPEN to you and your man is TRUE and WOULD HAVE happened for me and her if she had simply done what you just said you will do

 

That's a great way to end the evening on here - with hearing a woman say she TRUSTS AND BELIEVES in her man

 

This has been a great day. Earlier I was driving in downtown bytown to do some christmas shopping and get some new shoes and i saw a couple struggling with three carts full of clothes. I pulled over and asked where they were going. They said to do their laundry. I told them to throw everything in my car and I drove them there. The woman looked at me, and I saw such appreciation in her eyes I was jazzed all afternoon. Her boyfriend was dumbfounded that someone would do that - knowing they were a couple.

 

Sometimes some people GET IT, sometimes SOME DON'T

 

Today

[Bella36]

Thank you. you also sound like a very caring person. thanks again.

[Bella36]

Anyone have anymore advice for me?

[Art_Critic]

I like what Tiki had to say and would like to add that while he is in treatment that you also get some help as well.. Someone who is a relationship with an Alcoholic or Drug Addict needs to learn how to live a non CoDependant lifestyle and also how to live your own life without enabling his using behavior.

 

Please seek help and look into Alanon meetings.. You need them and there will be people in those meetings that can help you keep your life your life and not make it all about the Alcoholic..

 

As a Alcoholic myself and being sober for over 19 years I can tell you that you need to be thinking about yourself and not him at this time.. In april when he gets out you also need to live for yourself and not just for him