What Type Of Guy Is Insecure & Intimidated?

[chill chic]

Why is it that a guy can become insecure and/or intimidated by a girl, to where it makes him "runaway" from the relationship? Like if he was insecure about not making as much money, or knowing that the girl likes nice things-but can afford them herself without his help-because she has a good paying job & can buy her own things.

I don't know if I'm making sense here, but all I'm trying to figure out is what type of guy would feel inferior if a girl earns just as much as him or more, her parents are wealthier than his, but all that doesn't matter to the girl because the girl likes him for who he is. So why would a guy runaway from a girl that can help him out financially or at least make life less harder for him, financially?

I guess I don't understand the guy's gotta be a "man's man" and make more money than the girl. Or beating him at things...Hello this is 2006...so what type of guy is so insecure about this? Immature & has low self-esteem?

[jerbear]

Rome wasn't built overnight or over a few years; more like decades and generations.

 

The guy could be anyone, tends to be more "academic" though.

 

A guy was bought up to be the breadwinner. Can you imagine a mechanic dating a VP? He'll get pressure by his compadres while getting high fived because he moved up. The female VP would get criticized behind closed doors and say she is getting free service(S) and can do better.

 

Not many women are happy being the sole bread winner, some are still programmed to be doll house versus hammer toys.

 

Some cultures are still male dominated and a female making more than the male makes him inadequate, lazy, and a smooch.

 

I'm sure there is more, but this is a start.

[chill chic]

Rome wasn't built overnight or over a few years; more like decades and generations.

 

The guy could be anyone, tends to be more "academic" though.

 

A guy was bought up to be the breadwinner. Can you imagine a mechanic dating a VP? He'll get pressure by his compadres while getting high fived because he moved up. The female VP would get criticized behind closed doors and say she is getting free service(S) and can do better.

 

Not many women are happy being the sole bread winner, some are still programmed to be doll house versus hammer toys.

 

Some cultures are still male dominated and a female making more than the male makes him inadequate, lazy, and a smooch.

 

I'm sure there is more, but this is a start.

 

The "compradres" part really makes sense, I guess I could see that happening, but to me, who cares what people think, but I'm not a guy so I wouldn't be able to understand the whole breadwinner concept, when in fact if they were with a financially stable girl, it would make life easier for them?

[ddnnee]

im that guy! yea, i think its society and family. most of us are taught that the father is the one working while the mom is at home. when the woman works while the father makes less or doesn't work, most people would think he's a pussy.

[InsanityImpaired]

when the woman works while the father makes less or doesn't work, most people would think he's a pussy.

Perhaps in a one-horse town. But praise apple pie the whole world is not like that. It depends on the area, social mores there, et cetera.

[alphamale]

...so what type of guy is so insecure about this? Immature & has low self-esteem?

almost every man will be insecure about this stuff whether he admits it to you or not.

[Road Rage]

There was a scorpion that went to a frog and asked for a ride to the other side of the creek. He bargained with the frog by saying let me ride on your back and we will be friends for life.

 

The frog said but you will sting me because you are a scorpion.

 

Nonsense said the scorpion. If I sting you we both die.

 

So, it made sense to the frog to give him a ride because he could always use a friend like the scorpion and it certainly made no sense to sting him.

 

Half way across the river the scorpion stings the frog, and before he gasped his last breath he asked. Why did you sting me, now we will both die?

 

The scorpion replied....It`s my nature, you knew I am a scorpion before you gave me a ride.

 

It`s the same with men. They know instinctively that it is a woman`s nature to always want a man that exceeds them and although it may appear that they will be friends for life, one day the scorpion will appear.

[alphamale]

It`s the same with men. They know instinctively that it is a woman`s nature to always want a man that exceeds them and although it may appear that they will be friends for life, one day the scorpion will appear.

ha ha ha RR....yes it will appear and it will be wearing lipstick and heels

[Guestola]

Hello this is 2006...so what type of guy is so insecure about this? Immature & has low self-esteem?

 

There are a kazillion insecure women, despite it being 2006. Read John Gray if you want a window into the male brain. People mock his 'Mars and Venus' books but they ought not; he does a very good job of explaining the sexes to each other. The most important message I took from it is that men need to feel useful.

[Pyro]

Why is it that a guy can become insecure and/or intimidated by a girl, to where it makes him "runaway" from the relationship? Like if he was insecure about not making as much money, or knowing that the girl likes nice things-but can afford them herself without his help-because she has a good paying job & can buy her own things.

I don't know if I'm making sense here, but all I'm trying to figure out is what type of guy would feel inferior if a girl earns just as much as him or more, her parents are wealthier than his, but all that doesn't matter to the girl because the girl likes him for who he is. So why would a guy runaway from a girl that can help him out financially or at least make life less harder for him, financially?

I guess I don't understand the guy's gotta be a "man's man" and make more money than the girl. Or beating him at things...Hello this is 2006...so what type of guy is so insecure about this? Immature & has low self-esteem?

 

Some guys couldn't deal with their SO making more money than them, or they were taught while growing up that the man should be making the majority of the money. I can understand how some guys would be insecure about this because they are afraid that the woman will look at him like he is inferior just because she makes more money. But if the woman likes him for who he is, than there shouldn't be a problem. I for one have enough confidence i myslef, so I wouldn't be intimidated if my SO made more money than me. As long as the bills are being paid and we are living comfortably, who cares who makes more than the other.

[daphne]

Ok Riddler, bring it. I could use a guy who doesn't give a #@$! about it. Cos I've dated millionnaires and I've dated poor men. I just want one that doesn't expect to change me and gets me. Money will always come.

[Pyro]

Ok Riddler, bring it. I could use a guy who doesn't give a #@$! about it. Cos I've dated millionnaires and I've dated poor men. I just want one that doesn't expect to change me and gets me. Money will always come.

 

What is it that you want me to bring?

[monkey00]

you would probably have to rewrite history since teh dawn of man for everyone to accept it. Some guys do some dont, the majority of men still dont.

 

Instinctively it is within our ego to be on top of things and on top of the pyramid. anything less will be a compromise to their ego...to everything and anything they know about being a man, husband, and father.

 

You can say most of such 'insecurities' are based off what otthers think, as in society it is expected for the man to be breadwinner.

 

What kind of example would a guy be setting to his sons if his wife was making more than double his salary. What kind of role model would he be to his children and those that look up to him...or would they look down on him? perhaps even lose their respect?

 

Especially in society, social status does mean a lot whether or not people choose to recognize or admit it...it meant everything since the age of cavemen and it will still continue to do so in the present and future.

 

Out of both sexes, women recognize more often than men that social status is important for themselves and their offspring. So instinctively men know what should be expected of them by society.

 

just my 2c.

[Pyro]

you would probably have to rewrite history since teh dawn of man for everyone to accept it. Some guys do some dont, the majority of men still dont.

 

Instinctively it is within our ego to be on top of things and on top of the pyramid. anything less will be a compromise to their ego...to everything and anything they know about being a man, husband, and father.

 

You can say most of such 'insecurities' are based off what otthers think, as in society it is expected for the man to be breadwinner.

 

This is a sad reality. So many guys put so much emphasis on doing what society will accept, rather than doing what is the right or better thing.

 

What kind of example would a guy be setting to his sons if his wife was making more than double his salary. What kind of role model would he be to his children and those that look up to him...or would they look down on him? perhaps even lose their respect?

 

I don't know about anyone else, but I tend on (hypothetically speaking) teaching my son to be respectful, honest, loyal, and ready for the real world. I am not going to teach him that he must make more money than his future spouse.

 

Especially in society, social status does mean a lot whether or not people choose to recognize or admit it...it meant everything since the age of cavemen and it will still continue to do so in the present and future.

 

Out of both sexes, women recognize more often than men that social status is important for themselves and their offspring. So instinctively men know what should be expected of them by society.

 

just my 2c.

 

Yes social status does mean alot, but IMHO, I think that doing what is better for the family comes first before doing what society expects them to do.

[Guest]

Instinctively it is within our ego to be on top of things and on top of the pyramid.

 

Sorry but there's not a shred of truth to that. There are several societies where the women are 'on top of things and on top of the pyramid'. It's not 'instinct' at all, but rather custom.

 

anything less will be a compromise to their ego...to everything and anything they know about being a man, husband, and father.

 

Because this particular society taught them to have that expectation.

 

What kind of example would a guy be setting to his sons if his wife was making more than double his salary. What kind of role model would he be to his children and those that look up to him...or would they look down on him? perhaps even lose their respect?

 

Oh. So you're saying a man should be measured in dollar signs. Nice.

My dad didn't make a lot of money. We weren't rich. But he was a man of integrity and a man of his word. It was his CHARACTER that earned him the respect I had for him.

 

What's pathetic about Western society is that it has placed far too much importance on cash. And when it comes to valuing men in terms of how much cash they can produce, that's just sick. So the answer is that if he was a good and honest and productive man, he would be well respected - if he brought his kids up to value human beings as people, not as monetary objects.

 

Especially in society, social status does mean a lot whether or not people choose to recognize or admit it...it meant everything since the age of cavemen and it will still continue to do so in the present and future.

 

People who are not independent base their self-worth on others' opinions. My dad was fully confident in himself which means he didn't give a flying flip about 'social status' or any of that stupidity. Nor do I. You want to be a real man? Then don't follow the rest of the sheep. Be your own person.

[monkey00]

Sorry but there's not a shred of truth to that. There are several societies where the women are 'on top of things and on top of the pyramid'. It's not 'instinct' at all, but rather custom.

I agree there are, a specific example would be the amazonion society.

However the reason why i claim instinctive is a few hundred or thousand years of societal structuring and upbringing doesnt instinctively change milleniums or even millions of years of human evolution. We may be bound by laws and social norms but regardless underneath it all we still possess our ancestors' survival instincts.

 

Oh. So you're saying a man should be measured in dollar signs. Nice.

My dad didn't make a lot of money. We weren't rich. But he was a man of integrity and a man of his word. It was his CHARACTER that earned him the respect I had for him.

I'm not implying anything, I was giving food for thought, hence the question marks. Character of a person does say a lot, but it doesnt mean as much as it may have in the past because well, as you state below society is always changing.

 

What's pathetic about Western society is that it has placed far too much importance on cash. And when it comes to valuing men in terms of how much cash they can produce, that's just sick. So the answer is that if he was a good and honest and productive man, he would be well respected - if he brought his kids up to value human beings as people, not as monetary objects.

Well we're living in a materialistic society. Whether or not people admit it money does equal power. it also ensures our means of survival as well as our offspring.

 

 

People who are not independent base their self-worth on others' opinions. My dad was fully confident in himself which means he didn't give a flying flip about 'social status' or any of that stupidity. Nor do I. You want to be a real man? Then don't follow the rest of the sheep. Be your own person.

 

Nobody has to follow the sheep of the world. From what you stated you make it sound as if it's easy to do a complete 360. Regardless everyone is a sheep in one form or another, as part of society's pyramid. We all act and behave a certain way in response to social norms. Subconsciously we still care a certain amount of what people think of us. But yes being a man is about doing what you want and when you want, as long as it's within certain boundaries. If people were to be 100% mentally and physically free/independent, society would be in chaos.

 

But back to the main topic, any guy that cant handle a woman making more than him just has to deal with his insecurities, if he cant get pass it then it's his problem.

[daphne]

People who are not independent base their self-worth on others' opinions. My dad was fully confident in himself which means he didn't give a flying flip about 'social status' or any of that stupidity. Nor do I. You want to be a real man? Then don't follow the rest of the sheep. Be your own person.

 

Move over Riddler. I think I'm in love.

[Pyro]

Move over Riddler. I think I'm in love.

 

Wow, I was dissed for a guest.

 

He did give some great advice so I hope that the two of you are happy.

[DanielMadr]

Why is it that a guy can become insecure and/or intimidated by a girl, to where it makes him "runaway" from the relationship? Like if he was insecure about not making as much money, or knowing that the girl likes nice things-but can afford them herself without his help-because she has a good paying job & can buy her own things.

I don't know if I'm making sense here, but all I'm trying to figure out is what type of guy would feel inferior if a girl earns just as much as him or more, her parents are wealthier than his, but all that doesn't matter to the girl because the girl likes him for who he is. So why would a guy runaway from a girl that can help him out financially or at least make life less harder for him, financially?

I guess I don't understand the guy's gotta be a "man's man" and make more money than the girl. Or beating him at things...Hello this is 2006...so what type of guy is so insecure about this? Immature & has low self-esteem?

 

Some guys are immature and insecure. They are that way even if they are richer etc. than th girl

 

I know a couple of guys who stay with their children meanwhile their wives make the money. And they are OK. Because they are not insecure or immature and they are still more dominant in the relationship. When women is the boss who makes all decisions and acts like (or actually is) smarter, better or whatever.....it is turn off for every guy, except for submissive type of guys.

 

Most of girls wouldnt go for a less educated, poorer, dumber, less dominant guy.....it is 2006....you cant beat 200 000 years in 40 years of relative prosperity.

 

Relationships 50/50 are nonsense. 55 man/ 45 woman is more likely to work than 55 woman / 45 man.

[DanielMadr]

The most important message I took from it is that men need to feel useful.

 

Of course we do. And so do women. They feel useful when they foster child. We feel useful when we protect them and feed them both.

[silentalways]

for so long!

 

damn woman - this was somehting u brought up the first time we had coffee in the market

 

why are u so hard and unfair to yerself - u hide stuff ur man should be told about - not to help but to share - its called love and partnership

 

sh-t u are basing my ability to simply understand and make u feel bad this on attitudes from the depreassion still

[SmoochieFace]

Nobody has to follow the sheep of the world. From what you stated you make it sound as if it's easy to do a complete 360. Regardless everyone is a sheep in one form or another, as part of society's pyramid. We all act and behave a certain way in response to social norms. Subconsciously we still care a certain amount of what people think of us. But yes being a man is about doing what you want and when you want, as long as it's within certain boundaries. If people were to be 100% mentally and physically free/independent, society would be in chaos.

 

I think you meant to say 'do a 180'.

 

'Guest' appears to be talking about the 'herd mentality' that is so prevalent in today's greedy materialistic society - not about following 'social norms'.

 

The point is that if you are truly confident and secure with yourself you will have no need to 'follow the herd' in terms of trying to be like others as in listening to the same music, wearing clothes that are 'in', and speaking in the same way as those who are deemed 'cool'. Confident and secure people can simply be unique individuals with their own tastes and not care what others think.

 

Here's an example of 'lemming behaviour' when it comes to clothes: A couple of years back, I saw a couple of people wearing coats with 'The North Face' logo on them. Fast forward to today and I see lots of people wearing them. Why is that? What is so special about a 'North Face' coat that compels people to rush out and get them so that they can wear them like badges?

 

It's just a friggin' coat!

[DanielMadr]

...be talking about the 'herd mentality' that is so prevalent in today's greedy materialistic society - not about following 'social norms'.

 

Every society present or past is greedy and materialistic. I dont think we are more materialistic than before.

 

What I see a problem here is that because of relative prosperity we started to change the society in terms of social engineering. It is quite visible in Sweden and France and of course in former SvoBloc countries which try to repair itself from shocks of social engineering experiments.

 

Roles of men, women and the whole family etc have been changing in western countries in recent 50 years. Some of it is natural due prosperity some of it is artificial in good way (Human rights) and some is not - seeking of equality. This 'Lets be are equal' and 'The evil society was dictating us our gender roles' reminds me of utopistic and very dangerous commie BS.

 

Lets face it. Woman was the mother for 200 thousand years and Man was the hunter and protector. You cant change hows your brain wired and even if you could, why whould you do that? What for?

 

When you frustrate your guy by not giving him credit as bread-winner, than give him more credit elsewhere. I dont think it is big deal if he is strong personality himself and she is still submissive, flexible and loyal person with personal integrity.

[SmoochieFace]

Every society present or past is greedy and materialistic. I dont think we are more materialistic than before.

 

What I see a problem here is that because of relative prosperity we started to change the society in terms of social engineering. It is quite visible in Sweden and France and of course in former SvoBloc countries which try to repair itself from shocks of social engineering experiments.

 

Roles of men, women and the whole family etc have been changing in western countries in recent 50 years. Some of it is natural due prosperity some of it is artificial in good way (Human rights) and some is not - seeking of equality. This 'Lets be are equal' and 'The evil society was dictating us our gender roles' reminds me of utopistic and very dangerous commie BS.

 

Lets face it. Woman was the mother for 200 thousand years and Man was the hunter and protector. You cant change hows your brain wired and even if you could, why whould you do that? What for?

 

When you frustrate your guy by not giving him credit as bread-winner, than give him more credit elsewhere. I dont think it is big deal if he is strong personality himself and she is still submissive, flexible and loyal person with personal integrity.

 

Oh, jeez, this 'caveman-cavewoman' rubbish is just so... fetid.

 

I don't need anyone to give me 'credit' for anything. That's akin to seeking out validation from others and I certainly do not need that. Doing that smacks of low self-esteem and low confidence. As long as I am able to support myself and be happy that's all I need. I don't need anyone to give me any 'props' to my ego because... well, for starters, I really don't have an 'ego' and I can 'prop' myself up quite well on my own.

 

All this yammering from guys about 'needing to feel useful' is just insecurity.

 

Yes, society has always been 'materialistic'. Once again, however, people have a choice as to whether they wish to participate in the collective madness or go on their own path. Just because society 'is' doesn't mean that everyone should blindly follow whatever the 'is' is.

 

Social engineering... what rubbish. I've been told that I am a marketer's worst enemy.

 

Now... 'scuse me while I run out to my mailbox to fetch the 674th post card from the cable company trying to get me to sign up...

[DanielMadr]

All this yammering from guys about 'needing to feel useful' is just insecurity.

 

Living in desert not helping anybody, doing nothing, no sense of life....you are not insecure man, you have depression