allina Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I'm honestly confused about about this one, are the majority of relationships out there really f*cked and twisted? It really seems like it. This view comes from LS and my real life experience, mostly RL though. Out of all my friends, there are maybe 2 healthy relationships. Most relationships I see are a mess. I have a friend who just broke up with her bf of 4 years, who she cheated on most of the time, I have a friend who is sleeping with a married guy, and another who cheats on his long time gf. Others, even if there isn't cheating involved are just unhappy. What's the deal with all that? I know that I have really high expectations when it comes to relationships, but wow, most of them look horrible. Speaking for myself I've never been involved in such a mess, I'm friends with the one serious ex that I have and my current relationship is wonderful. Is that so hard to find? Seems like people are being pretty wicked to one another.
InsanityImpaired Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Relationships are not easy. People tend to get lazy, and afraid to look at themselves and their actions, for they might be *gasp * not that grand. Especially because a lot of people only make the effort when dating, but stop once they are in an actual relationship. They own eachother, at least in their mind. A marriage certificate does not alter things much either, in that respect. The guy who presented himself as Prince Charming, becomes an ordinary office clerk, who is a literal and total bore, with a strong flavour of hipocrisy. The princess of before becomes a "Psycho, constantly PMS-ing byatch." People have the tendency to believe in first impressions, thus needing a lot longer to make up their mind about people who have given a good first impression, but only bad impressions afterward. A lot of people think they must have the highest attainable, whatever that may be. Imagine you would have to make a top notch effort 24/7 to be just good enough for someone. That will not work, and either you would be heading for a stress-disaster, or you loosen up, but then the other may eventually leave. People, for one reason or the other lack the skills to address these issues. Be it to discuss matters, or even the ability to handle the "confinement" in their freedom. Shocking news: it may be the case that your partner thinks having intimacy is a bit more important than video-games, or hunting for clothes and fashion. People may simply want the best of both worlds. The security of the official world, and the benefits of the world of secrecy, adventure, illicit freedom. There is no easy answer to the question, what causes relationships to be bad. It depends on the individual. Although I must admit that modern day reality does not suggest we (as society) have been more succesful (or not) than in the past to form loving and lasting relationships.
alphamale Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I'm honestly confused about about this one, are the majority of relationships out there really f*cked and twisted? In the US they are. You may need to visit and see other cultures if you want to see more healthy relationships...
burning 4 revenge Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I don't know, but it does look pretty bleak. =( There are still a few people out there one can trust. Lately I've talked to some wonderful women. Smart and articulate and with morals, posting on here on LS. This site has been good for me that way, because I think I was starting to hate women and that's no exageration.
Author allina Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 In the US they are. You may need to visit and see other cultures if you want to see more healthy relationships... I've visited many cultures outside of the US I wonder if you're on to something here though, it's a vague observation but seems to have some truth in it. Makes me glad me and the SO are both Europe born.
Author allina Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 I don't know, but it does look pretty bleak. =( There are still a few people out there one can trust. Lately I've talked to some wonderful women. Smart and articulate and with morals, posting on here on LS. This site has been good for me that way, because I think I was starting to hate women and that's no exageration. Awww I'm glad LS was such a positive thing for you
Author allina Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 People may simply want the best of both worlds. I always say that most people lack a sense of balance.
Curmudgeon Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I don't think it's limited to the U.S., nor do I think all our relationships are as you've described the ones you're familiar with. I know mine isn't and I wouldn't be in one that was. While I'll grant you that many are as you've described, too many for that matter, none of yours have to be and not all are. You can make them what you want and deserve by being selective and knowing your boundaries, as well as sustaining them. There are still real, moral, principled people out there capable of loyalty and commitment. It might take some trial-and-error to find them but they exist.
Author allina Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 You can make them what you want and deserve by being selective and knowing your boundaries, as well as sustaining them. There are still real, moral, principled people out there capable of loyalty and commitment. It might take some trial-and-error to find them but they exist. I strongly agree with that, both parts but it appears that many people are happy with disfunction or settle for a relationship that is just not working. I know it isn't true for everyone, and I'm glad it doesn't apply to you. There are many great and loyal people out there, but recently I'm thinking that there are a bit less of them than I thought.
Curmudgeon Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 ... but recently I'm thinking that there are a bit less of them than I thought. I think they're just a bit harder to find. It simply means you have to be more choosy and discerning but they DO exist!
Guest Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 If you spend all your time on an anxiety disorder board, you'd eventually start thinking that everyone has an anxiety disorder. You have to remember that both LS and the circle of people around you are microcosm in a world that is macrocosm. You err when you start thinking that a few hundred people are the example of all people and extrapolate from that particular to the general. I have known many happy couples who have been married a long, long time. All of them seemed genuinely happy, easygoing people who don't waste time sweating the small stuff; people who enjoy life and each other. They are always a pleasure to encounter because they are so good-natured and friendly. I think this sort of personality type lends itself to pleasant relationships and that's why they stay married a long time. I think what you need to do if you want to find a great mate is to acquaint yourself with the qualities exhibited by people with a high Emotional Intelligence score. Of course if your own score is low you might want to do some work on yourself first.
Author allina Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 If you spend all your time on an anxiety disorder board, you'd eventually start thinking that everyone has an anxiety disorder. You have to remember that both LS and the circle of people around you are microcosm in a world that is macrocosm. I think what you need to do if you want to find a great mate is to acquaint yourself with the qualities exhibited by people with a high Emotional Intelligence score. Of course if your own score is low you might want to do some work on yourself first. Very true about the first part, I think a lot of this view has been in part due to my surroundings. And I have found a great mate, we've got the high scores
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