desperate4change Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 He called just now... Get this... he said he had tried to call me at work yesterday a few times and again last night at home to confirm that we were going today. He left one message at work and none at my house, and since I have CID I checked and see that he called one time at 10:34 p.m. but left no message -- I was in the shower getting ready for bed!! Tonite when he called -- he acted all innocent, hey what's up?? What a p**** Last week was really busy my ass... I told him apparently he remembered yesterday and last night, but didn't call at all today... he said "I don't know what else to say I'm sorry" I replied "You should have called!!!!!!!!!" Silence... I told him it was rude, inconsiderate and I will not be treated this way!!!! Damn it!! I am sooo MAD!!!! :mad: :mad:
kymberann Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 How'd the conversation end, did you lay down the law? Are you planning on meeting him. Where does it go from here for you? Did he just not show up because he didn't talk to you directly? And then he just figured you cancelled? If so that sounds like a cop out too. Damn MM, just keep on adding it to the list of "Why I don't want to be OW anymore" Best
stillhere Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 You have every right to be p*ssed, i know i would be. Men sometimes don't realize what an a** they can be. Not all, but some! To them, it's no big deal when it really is. Did you ask him to leave his W? Are you going to? Now is the best time, when you are at the "enough is enough" stage. Keep us updated!! It's hard for me to hand out awesome advice, cuz i know my MM and i know that we would've had a long talk and everything would be ok. Grrrr....He has some hold on me that i can't explain!!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Definitely time for a "come to jesus meeting"!
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 D4C: He SHOULD have called TODAY...NOT COOL...And he knows this...
Author desperate4change Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 BTW, my last post, I was typing away while I had him on the telephone -- I told him I was so mad that I had to take notes so I could refer back to them. I'm beginning to have clarity. Hmm.. maybe I should type out conversations more often. oh, poor thing a really bad day on Friday at work, had a christmas party for his office on Friday night. And although he says he remembered on Friday and Friday night (that's why he called several times) -- he just didn't call Saturday, because he figured since he hadn't talked to me, plans must have changed. If you called 'several times' on Friday, does it make sense you'd drop it suddenly, if you really wanted to go? I said "you should have call Saturday morning" about 10 times to him during our whole conversation -- you know, MM never acknowledged that? I have no way of getting in direct contact with him except his cell and pager -- which were turned off. I told him the action was rude and insensitive and I didn't like it one bit. He apologized for 'ruining' my shopping trip. I told him that he didn't ruin anything, I still went although I got a late start and had a good time alone, got most of my shopping done (although I cried most of the way there). I wasn't about to give him that satisfaction. I told him if he really didn't want to go, he could have left me a message at home on my cell or even at work -- that would have been way better than what he did. There's was alot of silent periods on the telephone, I didn't want to say anything that'd I regret later. I made a conscious decision to hold off on the ultimatum until we are face to face. Probably on Tuesday night -- our date night after my class. I've tried 3 times in the past to call it off over the phone -- I know it just can't work for me. It has to be in person. I did remind him that it's really difficult for me and how much I wanted normalacy. That this relationship isn't a normal one and if one of us doesn't put in our part of the effort, then it dies. If it were a normal day with a normal BF of 3 years, I would have trotted on over to his house to check on things had the same events occurred. I reminded him I've been patient with all the last minute cancellations b/c his son needs this or to do that or I have to work late b/c of this or that... those always came with phone calls and I can always tell when he's going to cancel or be really late... and that's acceptable. But to not call and not answer, What's up with that??!!! I think that's where we are now: He wants to treat me like I'm the W at home, but I'm not. There's a little more effort than that buddy. I'm special UGH!!! I am still ticked even this morning....
kymberann Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Good morning! Of course you are special. I can tell by your post that you are a strong and assertive woman. Probably traits that drew MM to you. My xMM used to tell me that W and me were exact opposites. I am/was outgoing, social, assertive. Not overbearing, but I can come on strong when i need to. ANyway the point is, is if you keep putting up these boundaries, it may force mm to make a decision. Bottom line, Don't Back Down, and cave in! Even though I am a a strong individual, I ended up caving more than once in the R. I know I lost some self esteem through the R because of the cave ins. Always having to wait and wonder. I am recouping. I just don't want to see it happen to anyone else anymore. I look back and go "if I'd only known then what I know now".... My prediction, he will sweet talk you on your date night. What are you prepared to do? Best!
kymberann Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 PS I don't mind the cursing!! Gives us incentive to make a change and stick with it:D
peacelove Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Hey ladies. I'm back. Anyone heard from yousaveme?
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I made a conscious decision to hold off on the ultimatum until we are face to face. Are you sure you are ready to hold up your end of that ultimatum?
Author desperate4change Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 No haven't heard from YSM this morning... everyone, including me, went to bed fairly early last night .. couldn't sleep though Kimberann, I know what you mean.. I'm a strong, outspoken person.. I work with doctors all day in real life. I've had many opportunities to hone my skills! I still, somedays, can't believe that I've let it go on for this long. Yes, my self-esteem, that has suffered as well. I'm not sure if he'll try to sweettalk me out of it or not. But, I've prepared my speech. The highlights are: being in a normal relationship and how I've discovered I really do need that and if he can't give me that, then we are at the crossroad. I've been really patient and understanding, probably to the point of 'training' him this way ( I need to come up with a better term than train, though -- sounds like my dog). I need to feel like I am at least at the top of his priority list (somewhere) of relationships, I want to be his "I've got your back when life really suck" girl. I really do deserve better from a relationship, that I know he loves me, but our relationship can't move any further, it will only start spiraling down from this point, because it has no where to go. What I do know, though, is that he will want to continue as friends. We have alot in common job related wise. Ive been committed to MM for almost 4 years now -- not dating anyone, not looking for anyone else. He's a very nice man, intelligent (Harvard educated), warm, friendly, very giving, very loving, very sweet. I don't regret it, I just wish things could be different for both of us. I'm trying really hard not to end this relationship on negative terms, I'm not about to try to destroy someone elses selfworth and esteem. That's why I guess I need to focus on my needs and not his shortcomings. Make sense?
Author desperate4change Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 Yes, LB, I'm ready. I have replacements ready.. my best friend, who has known from the beginning, has already started planning my NC 'keep you and the kids busy so you can't think about him' period. And, I'll add that she wants to get me 6 months on an internet dating site for Christmas. I told her I'd prefer a trip to the spa What a friend -- I think I'm done with men for a while.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Yes, LB, I'm ready. I have replacements ready.. my best friend, who has known from the beginning, has already started planning my NC 'keep you and the kids busy so you can't think about him' period. And, I'll add that she wants to get me 6 months on an internet dating site for Christmas. I told her I'd prefer a trip to the spa What a friend -- I think I'm done with men for a while. Be strong D4C...you do deserve better than this...I would actually ignore him for a little while now...I don't know your routine with him, but don't do something that you normally do for him...let him KNOW that you are REALLY upset with him... Oh, and stick to your guns!!!
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