Guest Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Common-sense advice from the male perspective I love women, love being around women, listening to them and developing insights to what they think and I have tons of empathy and compassion for all women because society and most cultures brutalize and marginalize women. I have been fortunate to have been told many perspectives on men, emotions, relationships, and love. And through this, I started to understand what "made sense" to them, how they saw the world, and how they looked at and responded to interactions with men. I have heard all kinds of "inside" stuff - the kinds of things that men don't usually get to hear. And that led me to do some ‘research’ on what else is out there regarding the relationships between men and women, and started going to sites like this to see what men and women think regarding relationships, and how to find, attract the opposite sex and to my utter amazement, I discovered there is very little ‘real world’ stuff out there. If I was to use any of the zillion ‘techniques’, ‘tips’, and ‘clues’ offered by online magazines, I would be ashamed of myself and only end up ‘dating’ the kind of women that believe in this stuff. In most cases, they tell you relationships are about power, control, manipulation, deception, tricks and are absolutely some of the worst ‘advice’ I have ever witnessed. These are simply used-car salesmen with no idea how a ‘real relationship’ works. no sane, together guy who has lots of other female opportunity is going to hang around or want women like that. Problem is I have seen post after post of women telling men what they need to win a woman’s love, how to seduce a woman, how to get an ex back – and it is always positioned as a game. Well, gals I am gonna let u in on a huge secret – if you believe and use that kind of ‘advice’ u will attract only men that fit those parameters and I don’t know any ‘good men’ that are willing to play those kinds of games. There is so much bad advice aimed at women and done so at such a young age that they are so confused and brainwashed by incorrect information. I hear everyday that women are always saying its hard to find a good man, but in most cases, once the search is over and they find ‘The One’, they rarely know how to ‘keep’ him and ‘treat him as he is treating them because they have had to wade thru the swamps of loserville during the search. Unfortunately, most women simply don't know how to make a man feel good. Believe it or not, the majority of women have the mistaken notion that advice from rags like Cosmo, or learning the Kama Sutra, or cooking him sumptuous meals "better than Mama ever made" ought to do the trick -- and their man will stay devoted to them forever. That's an outdated mode of thinking derived from the old wives' tale that says "The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach" -- or his crotch, in most instances. If that were true, then sex therapists, prostitutes and professional chefs would have the best marriages, wouldn't they? So first thing is to stop believing in all this ridiculous junk. Start doing real research by actually ‘talking to’ men. The biggest error I have seen is that women constantly ‘think’ they can’t do certain things because it is a reflection back on hem, a weakness – and that simply comes from thinking everything is a game – winners and losers. Games bred insecurity and never get you anywhere. If a man makes you feel desired, attractive, special, and unconditionally loved, and you get all that just by being yourself, you have to do the same in return. Most women can't/won't do that. There are a ton of great men out there – ones that every woman wants. Men that feel secure in themselves. These men don’t need a lot of recognition for treating you with respect and being nice and every other trait and quality you could possibly want, so, why do women say its hard to find such men? Because the harsh reality is that women have been taught and conditioned to associate nice with boring. That is insane. Everything should be in moderation. If a man gives you a gift on a first date, accept it and be grateful he actually did that. Perhaps the one thing that turn off most males is a woman who judges him in the same manner that they rail against men doing to them. Do not listen to advice that tells you your man must be one dimensional like just your lover – he wants to be everything, even a therapist. In general, people want what they can't have rather than what is given to them. Well, if you want to be just another of the mindless masses that think that way, Have you ever noticed that women will say they are more attracted to elusive, hard-to-get men than those who shower them without playing games? The advice given tells women that is a sign of a male being desperate. That makes no sense. What men really want is a woman who have a brain and can see the insanity of these things, a woman that asserts herself and treats him with respect. Most importantly, the game of chasing and pursue will actually make a man think less of you, and believe that you have low self-esteem. Men are not attracted to the chase – when viewed that way, that’s all it is. We don’t to be challenged just to be with you – its not a test! That is disrespectful. Send clear signals - men are notoriously bad at interpreting signals from women. Know what you want when you flirt and make sure your signals are clear and that they convey what you mean. It’s not fair to flirt with someone for the fun of it – unless they are obviously flirty themselves. Flirting for fun is fine when you know someone a little better. If you genuinely want to meet people then by all means flirt, just make sure you know how to separate the sexual flirting signals from the 'hi, I'm friendly' flirting signals. Make the first move . men love to be approached by a woman. If women are looking for equality then it is only fair that they do their share of the asking. It will also give you an opportunity to understand what men have to go through when making a first approach – that tells him that you think he is special and that you know what you deserve. Never make a man pay for an old bf’s sins. Do the work beforehand.
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