AnonymousMG Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 This is a fairly long and complicated story, so bear with me. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me. The reasons at the time were somewhat confusing. She told me that she needed time alone, and that she didn't like that we got into little arguments all the time. The arguments that we had were because we are away at different colleges. This is my second year, but her first. Last year, she was still in high school and I visited her a couple times a week at home. This year, she was much busier with her school work in college, and we had much less time to see each other. She dealt with being apart much better than I did, and I think that was mostly my fault in not being ready to accept the changes that a college relationship required. Five days after she broke up with me, she sent me an email explaining why it happened in more detail. We discussed each thing in her email, and at the end of the conversation we decided to get back together. I went to see her that night, and everything seemed like it was great. The next day, however, everything went wrong. She called me in the afternoon, and told me that she got back together with me for the wrong reasons. She told me that she had been thinking about me, and not about herself and that she needed more time alone. She then broke it to me that she had been having thoughts about another guy at her school. She said that she hadn't cheated on me, and that he didn't even know of her thoughts, but she felt guilty thinking about somebody else while she was with me. She told me that she still wanted to be friends, and that she hadn't made any decisions, she just needed more time to think about what she wanted. Over the course of the next month, we gradually talked more and more. Things started out quite awkward, but a couple of days ago things seemed to be going really well. She told me that she wanted to see me and hang out with me as friends, and when I mentioned that I had been thinking about trying again some day, she told me that she had thought about the same thing too. She told me that she still thinks about me and misses me, but she just wasn't ready for anything yet. Last night, she started talking to me and was very upset. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong at first, but after a while she told me that earlier that night, she was about to talk to the other guy and tell him about her feelings, but then she stopped because "it didn't feel right". She also told me that she felt like she was rushing things. Now I might be seeing her tomorrow evening. A week ago we made plans to go Christmas shopping. When I talked to her yesterday, she told me that she still wants to see me even after what has happened the past couple days. She is the one who wanted to make these plans originally, and when deciding when the plans would work, I mentioned two possible times, and she said that we could do both. Also, I asked if she wanted me to try and find other people to go, and she told me that she wanted it to just be the two of us if it was ok with me. As you can probably imagine, my head is spinning. I love her so much, and my feelings for her haven't changed in the time we've been apart. I will wait as long as I need to, and do whatever it takes to be with her again. She means a great deal to me. Does anybody have any advice for this situation?
bubbalump Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 HEY!!! SOUNDS ALOT LIKE MY SITUATION a few months ago. "I love her so much, and my feelings for her haven't changed in the time we've been apart. I will wait as long as I need to, and do whatever it takes to be with her again." I felt the exact same way. But then i put myself in her shoes, shes was in a new school , was having a hard time away from home, and counldnt deal with a relationship. She broke up with you, give her what she wants A BREAK. Leave her be, let her figure out what she wants. If you stand by and just wait for her, you arent living. As i see it , she has multiple options open to her, shes in a win-win, she has a new guy maybe at school, and hell, if that falls through, she can fall back on you! .....but, if u dont wait around and give her space, then maybe shell say to herself " wow i really miss him". If i were you, id tell her "i have plans" tomorrow. dont go shopping with her, let her experiance the breakup, or shell continue to string you along. Good luck.
u2111 Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 This is a fairly long and complicated story, so bear with me. A little over a month ago, my girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me. The reasons at the time were somewhat confusing. She told me that she needed time alone, and that she didn't like that we got into little arguments all the time. The arguments that we had were because we are away at different colleges. This is my second year, but her first. Last year, she was still in high school and I visited her a couple times a week at home. This year, she was much busier with her school work in college, and we had much less time to see each other. She dealt with being apart much better than I did, and I think that was mostly my fault in not being ready to accept the changes that a college relationship required. Five days after she broke up with me, she sent me an email explaining why it happened in more detail. We discussed each thing in her email, and at the end of the conversation we decided to get back together. I went to see her that night, and everything seemed like it was great. The next day, however, everything went wrong. She called me in the afternoon, and told me that she got back together with me for the wrong reasons. She told me that she had been thinking about me, and not about herself and that she needed more time alone. She then broke it to me that she had been having thoughts about another guy at her school. She said that she hadn't cheated on me, and that he didn't even know of her thoughts, but she felt guilty thinking about somebody else while she was with me. She told me that she still wanted to be friends, and that she hadn't made any decisions, she just needed more time to think about what she wanted. Over the course of the next month, we gradually talked more and more. Things started out quite awkward, but a couple of days ago things seemed to be going really well. She told me that she wanted to see me and hang out with me as friends, and when I mentioned that I had been thinking about trying again some day, she told me that she had thought about the same thing too. She told me that she still thinks about me and misses me, but she just wasn't ready for anything yet. Last night, she started talking to me and was very upset. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong at first, but after a while she told me that earlier that night, she was about to talk to the other guy and tell him about her feelings, but then she stopped because "it didn't feel right". She also told me that she felt like she was rushing things. Now I might be seeing her tomorrow evening. A week ago we made plans to go Christmas shopping. When I talked to her yesterday, she told me that she still wants to see me even after what has happened the past couple days. She is the one who wanted to make these plans originally, and when deciding when the plans would work, I mentioned two possible times, and she said that we could do both. Also, I asked if she wanted me to try and find other people to go, and she told me that she wanted it to just be the two of us if it was ok with me. As you can probably imagine, my head is spinning. I love her so much, and my feelings for her haven't changed in the time we've been apart. I will wait as long as I need to, and do whatever it takes to be with her again. She means a great deal to me. Does anybody have any advice for this situation? If you act all gushy and dont be a man about this she is going to eat you up. shes playing both of you. she is going to take as much as you give her. if she wants space, give it to her. friends now get back together later dont work. make her want you back. make her get you back. she left.
mizzsmiley Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I think she's just using you as a back up in case this crush she has on the guy doesnt work out. She knows you love her that much to wait around as long as she wants you to. That is messed up on her part. You should just try to act uninterested and try to talk to other girls. When she finds out that you're trying to move on...she'll come running back. Girls are like that, we are needy and when all your attention is on another girl, we get competitive and jealous. Well at least for me that is...i wouldnt want someone im still in love with..move on with somebody else and be intimate with them at the same time. If she feels wierd about trying to talk to another guy, obviously that means she's still in love with you too.
silentalways Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 well, according to the post - u both arranged a time, and committed to doing it - so that's what u do silly telling someone u will do something then backing out at the last minute for nervous nelly reasons is stupid as for her with another guy, until u both decide if u want to date she and u are free to do as u please however, if i new i was the 'fall back guy' i would remove myself from having myself be an option for her that's disrespectul - and now one wants to play second fiddle espcially when u probably know what u have in the way of a complete 'package' [no sexual pun intended]
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