Lauriebell82 Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 hi guys i need some advice. my boyfriend is so wonderful and we have been together for 4 months. i have yet to meet his parents, mainly because they live 5 hours away and my bf doesnt go home that often. they wanted to come up one weekend to meet me and he said that he was real busy and that they should come some other time. (granted my boyfriend is busy, he is an accountant and works very long hours, but i still think he may be making excuses). does he not want me to meet his parents? he keeps coming up with all these reasons for them not to come here (justified or not they sound like bs). he told me he doesn't bring girls home often, that i'm his first serious gf in like 4 years so maybe that is why he is hesitant. did i do something to make him feel this way? i'm so confused because i love him so much and i know he loves me but this parent thing is really bothering me. do u guys have any advice?
che_jesse Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 If hes not ready for you to meet his parents then why are making an issue out of this? Your relationship is between your boyfriend and you, not between his parents and you. Some people bring everyone they meet on the street corner home, you sound like one of those people, other people bring someone home once every 5 years. Your boyfriend sounds like that type. I have been in 3 serous relationships (serous as in we were either engaged or about to be), my parents did not meet a single one of those men until we were almost a year into it. Yes, a year. There have been plenty of men that gave me **** about not letting them meet my parents after 1, 2,, 3, 4, or however may months. To me there is a difference between just dating someone and making them a part of each and every aspect of your life, only when we get there is when I take them home.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 well i guess i'm just confused. i have never had a bf who's parents lived out of town so i'd always just met my boyfriends parents when i would be over at their house (all my ex bfs have lived at home). so i guess this is all new for me. its ok if he doesnt want me to meet his parents yet i'm just confused cause he said he is so excited for me to meet them but then contradicts himself by saying that he doesnt bring girls home and telling his parents that he doesnt want them coming out to see them. i am not going to pressure him, but i do really want to meet them.
typical Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 they wanted to come up one weekend to meet me and he said that he was real busy and that they should come some other time. How did you learn this interesting little tid bit?? Did he tell you that they wanted to come up and meet you but he said no?? Because if that is the case, then I have the feeling that he was trying to feel you out to see what you would think about the whole deal. Sort of like introducing the idea to you, and trying to capture that feeling that you gave off from that comment to further gauge future interactions...Knowing that "meeting the parents" always (or usually) means "i am getting serious about you".... Its all good.
My Fair Katie Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 It might not be you. It might be his parents. My own husband is actually embarrassed by his parents sometimes and was VERY apprehensive about me meeting them. Interestingly enough when I first met them my (now) mother in law exclaimed, "WOW, you have such HUGE feet for such a petite girl!" To which my husband, shocked, yelled, "MOM, that's was rude!" She answered, "What, it's not like she doesn't know she has ENORMOUS feet." For the record my feet are a woman's size 7. Anyway, I'd recommend asking him. Or start making plans with him for a meet and greet on his terms. Signed, The 5'2" Sasquatch
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 well yeah he told me that his parents wanted to come up and meet me. i actually talked to his mom on the phone and she sounded so sweet. he said that his mom is so thrilled that he has a gf and she wants to meet me so bad and has asked all about me. maybe he is embarrased that his mom would make a big deal in front of me and embarrass the hell out of him which could be true. he said he is really serious about me and he says he really wants me to meet his parents. i told him that i really want to meet them too, but when his mom suggested coming up to meet me he kind of said in a little bit of a harsh manner, "mom i am so busy some other time." so i dont know what his deal is. i'm willing to meet them whenever he wants me to but its like he is saying that he wants me to meet them but then telling them not to come. i'm very confused.
climbergirl Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 It might not be you. It might be his parents. My own husband is actually embarrassed by his parents sometimes and was VERY apprehensive about me meeting them. Interestingly enough when I first met them my (now) mother in law exclaimed, "WOW, you have such HUGE feet for such a petite girl!" To which my husband, shocked, yelled, "MOM, that's was rude!" She answered, "What, it's not like she doesn't know she has ENORMOUS feet." For the record my feet are a woman's size 7. Anyway, I'd recommend asking him. Or start making plans with him for a meet and greet on his terms. Signed, The 5'2" Sasquatch This (in bold type) could be it. Perhaps there is something within the family dynamics that you are unaware of at this stage. Or maybe at 5 months it's too early for comfort (for him) to intertwine the relationships. I dated someone for 2 years, and he never mentioned to his family that I even existed. But, then, they also lived in a different state and he wasn't close to them (emotionally). Still made me feel bad as he was very involved with my family. It did give me a sense of insecurity. Does your bf seem to have a close relationship with his parents? How does he talk about them?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 well he talks to his parents like every couple weeks so he is semi-close. he really misses them cause he barely gets to see them since they live like 5 hours away. i guess i will wait till he is ready for me to meet them because i def. want to. i love my bf so i dont want to pressure him to meet them its just hard cause he is sending me mixed messages. he tells me how great his parents are and how much they want to meet me and ask about me, but he said he isnt used to talking about his personal life. do u guys suggest i talk to him about this or let it go? anymore insight would be wonderful!
che_jesse Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Let it go, nagging him about this will do you no good at all.
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