MikeC Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Ok. I have been dating this girl now for almost a month and a half. Recently (last week or two), I have been developing stronger feelings for her. Almost to the point where I can just look into her eyes forever and get lost. Now, I realize that a month and a half is a short period of time, and there are no real time limits on how I should feel, but I didn't want to rush anything. We both rushed into these feelings (I've taught her to be open with her feelings, as she usually kept them inward), and it did cause problems with my head (mind games). She has a child, which bothered me alot (as I've never been in this situation before). However, the way I feel about her makes anything negative seem to disappear. Holding her is like heaven. Anyways, on to my question. How long, on average, would you say is an appropriate amount of dating time before becoming real serious (I mean like saying the L word or talking about further plans). Right now, both our life situations aren't suitable for long-term stuff, but I can wait and just continue to see her as I do now. I didn't want to get too many specifics, or else it would confuse everyone. Thanks for any responses.
Krytellan Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Thanks for making this post. We are in quite the similar situations. I have been with my gf about 5 weeks and have been fighting the urge myself. It's really kind of funny because it's so painfully obvious to me that we are both doing the same silly things to avoid saying it. We say things like 'I care so much for you' and things like that... kinda funny. It's like we try to invent new and interesting ways to not drop the L bomb. Anyway, I'm curious to see some of the responses you get to this post.
so gutted Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 i think 3 months...............by this time from a womans point of view u know if the guy is a stayer/serious. All the guys that have fled or changed their feelings for me have done so at the 3 month mark!
Lauriebell82 Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 well i think saying it early can be a good thing. my boyfriend told me he loved me after a month and we are still together and head over heels in love 6 months later. u should tell her how u feel but make sure u really really mean it if u do. saying it early can be nice but i have had an ex say it real early to me but he ended up really hurting me. u take a chance when u say it early like that but if u really do love her than u should tell her. hope i helped.
Spinderella Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 If you see her child as a negative, then I don't think you should say it at all. You love her, you love them as a package. What you are feeling is not love, if this is not the case.
Author MikeC Posted December 9, 2006 Author Posted December 9, 2006 Oh it is. I'm not saying the child is a negative, just something extra to think about. She already told me that she isn't expecting me to be a father-figure any time soon. But, this does not mean that I don't want anything further with her because of the child. Her little girl is great. Hyper, but fun to be around. The only reason I made this post was because I really think I am starting to have true feelings for her. When I'm not with her, I'm thinking about her. Sometimes I get depressed when I'm alone and thinking about her. When I see her for the first time in a day, its such a good feeling. I care about the way she feels, and it bothers me when she is upset about something. I don't know. I mean, this is the first time this is happening to me. My mind feels like a tornado of thoughts.
nicki Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Sounds like looove You've been dating six weeks? If you are getting the same signals from her, then tell her you love her. If not, wait a few weeks. I usually don't trust a guy who says "I love you" within a month of dating. He doesn't know me well enough yet. Two or three months is best for me. Like the other poster said, I know the guy has staying power and doesn't say it to every girl. But, I've had a guy say he was "falling in love with me" at six weeks. I felt the same way and said it back. And then I've had a boyfriend wait six MONTHS to say it to me (and I felt it for him and told him at three months. I had three months of hell waiting for him to say it back.) So, enjoy how you feel. It's wonderful and exciting! But, continue to get to know her....there's still so much to learn, as you know...and the real love starts when you know someone fully.
daphne Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I'm with Nicki. I think you don't truly love someone until you get to knowthem. I don't trust guys that say it after a month or so of dating. What they really meant was that they were really infatuated with me. This is an awfully male thing. You said you want to take it slow, but it sounds like you're doing anything but. Higher chances of success occur in taking your time to get to know someone without falling in right off the bat. In my experience, the rushing relationship has never worked out without massive heartache in the end.
Author MikeC Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 I think that the first month or so was rushed, regarding feelings. I know what infatuation is, and what I have been feeling is so much more than that. I went ahead and told her last night that I was falling in love with her. She sat in silence for a second and just said 'I'm speechless'. This morning, I get text from her saying that she only said that because it was hard for her to express her feelings to my face. She then told me that she felt the same way about me. I'm excited, nervous and scared all at the same time. It feels great to care about someone and have them care about me. I feel like I'm on a path never taken before. We will see what happens.
nicki Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 That's GREAT, MikeC! How wonderful she feels the same way. Isn't the world grand when things like this happen? I really like the the whole idea - if it's early on in the relationship - of saying "falling in love with you" instead of "I love you." "Falling" sounds like love is beginning to bloom, like it is in progress and not quite yet a final declaration of love. It seems less threatening and one can easily move in or out of love depending on more information. p.s. -- I am turned on by the rose picture...it's very sexual, you know... Daphne, you are right about the whole infatuation thing. That's exactly it. They don't know you enough yet to love you, but are completely into you. That's cool, too....but that's why I like the whole "falling in love with you" statement instead of a too early "I love you." Either way, congrats, Mike!
Author MikeC Posted December 11, 2006 Author Posted December 11, 2006 Thanks nicki. Your words are very helpful. Lets just say that my days have been much smoother since I have met her. Yeah, I like to use the phrase 'falling in love'. It seemed less intimidating, so I decided to say that instead of the L bomb. Why do you think I picked the rose pic...haha I have felt infatuation before. It is totally different than what I'm feeling now. Even in the beginning, I was never that way with her. I'm so glad that it is more than that. So, we went bowling yesterday before I went to work. I mentioned what she said on text about not saying things to my face. I flat out just said, 'so, tell me how you feel'. She sat, again, for a second. Then, she just blurted out 'I'm falling in love with you too', and just stared at me with those beautiful eyes of hers. It is crazy. You probably won't hear alot of guys say this, but this girl has actually made tears come to my eyes when I've thought about how much I care for her and how amazing she is. Most, and I mean most, guys look at the outward appearances. I, on the other hand, do not. She isn't the best looking person visually, but I can see past that and it does not matter what she looks like. I can see her soul, and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Art_Critic Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 She isn't the best looking person visually, A person truly in love would : A. Never see the person they are in love in any other fashion than they are the most beautiful person in the world. B. Would never say this about the person they love.. It is a horrible thing to say about someone you love. You are just infatuated with her right now.. In Lust if you will... Love has yet to come.. when you don't see her physical appearance the way you just described her then I would think you are in love with her
blind_otter Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 A person truly in love would : A. Never see the person they are in love in any other fashion than they are the most beautiful person in the world. B. Would never say this about the person they love.. It is a horrible thing to say about someone you love. You are just infatuated with her right now.. In Lust if you will... Love has yet to come.. when you don't see her physical appearance the way you just described her then I would think you are in love with her I dunno AC. I would tend to think an infatuated person would be unrealistic about their partner's appearance. People don't all look outstanding, and I think it's nice to be able to admit that someone isn't the hottest person in the world but you still love them. If someone told me I was super hot all the time, I would not trust that they were being honest.
Art_Critic Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 I dunno AC. I would tend to think an infatuated person would be unrealistic about their partner's appearance. People don't all look outstanding, and I think it's nice to be able to admit that someone isn't the hottest person in the world but you still love them. If someone told me I was super hot all the time, I would not trust that they were being honest. when I was in love and married to my wife she put on quite a few pounds.. maybe 60-70lbs ( could even be more.. she was pushing well into the 2's) after we married.. I never noticed until after we divorced then I took a step back and said .. shiot.. she was fat. that is the kind of thing that love blinds you to.. I never once saw my (ex)wife as fat because I loved her for who was.. Until.......... So my point is that he hasn't been dating her that long ( a month ) but he sees her as somewhat ugly.. but he can get over it if he is getting sex.. That ain't love....
nicki Posted December 11, 2006 Posted December 11, 2006 Yeah, Art, I see your point. When I'm in love with a man, I think he is the sexiest, most handsome man on earth. The more my love grows, the more I think it. My current boyfriend says he has put on 30 pounds. I don't care. Honestly, he is even sexier to me now than when I first met him....because I love him so much. But, when I broke up with my last boyfriend, it was like I was seeing him through new eyes. I no longer thought he was attractive. Strange, but true. I didn't love him anymore. It was like looking at another person. He always told me, though, that I was the most beautiful woman in the world, every day for two years. He loved me very much....ahhh, I feel like a sh*t sometimes for hurting him.
Krytellan Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 OK. So I know I "tagged along" on the post, but I wanted to say that I dropped the "L Bomb" over dinner this weekend and it went over great. We were at the 6 week point. I guess the point is it really depends on the person, and you can usually tell when it's the right time. In my instance, I seriously could not hold it in at that moment. I guess that's a good a time as any.
Author MikeC Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Kry, we are in the same boat. I am roughly six weeks in myself, and just last night told my girl that I loved her. She responded with a 'I love you too'. It felt weird to hear that from her, but I think our connection is stronger now.
Krytellan Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 BAM! Well, I guess there's something to be said for goin with the gut. Congrats
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