addicted2love Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 So I haven't heard a peep from exMM in 31 days. Last thing I heard from him was a dial tone after he hung up on me. I waited 3 weeks until I couldn't stand the built up emotions anymore and sent him an email. Basically saying I'll always love him, I wish he would have said goodbye but since he couldn't/wouldn't I said it for both of us. Told him take good care of himself, I'll miss him. I told him he didn't have to respond to the email other than to please let me know he at least read it. Tonight I get an email from him (a week later) one word..."Hi" that's it. As ususal I am over analyzing this. This was not in reply form...this was a seperate email from the one I sent. I really didn't expect him to even acknowledge reading the email in the first place and if he did I expected something more along the lines of "I read it". So I am wondering if he was just being kind enough (finally!) to acknowledge me or what. If it was a simple peace offering then I'll take it. If he wants to finally talk about all that has happened it's going to take a lot more than "hi". But like I said. I'll take it. At least he didn't ignore my heartfelt goodbye. I'm debating between not responding at all (of course I really want to) or waiting a week and then sending a simple response like..."Thanks for reading my email...take care". Opinions anyone? A2L
oyster Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I think he read it, "hi" was a form of acknowledging your existence. Turn the page, unless you want to bite on the small hook.
bonehead Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I think he read it, "hi" was a form of acknowledging your existence. Turn the page, unless you want to bite on the small hook. With a HUGE carrot on it.
oyster Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 With a HUGE carrot on it. this huge carrot "hi" does actually work. Good for office romance rekindling:D
pureinheart Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Oyster and Bonehead are TOTALLY RIGHT.....he is playing some serious and cruel games with your head and heart. I hope you choose being void of a relationship at this point in your life vs the relationship from hell (I know that sounds dramatic, but I feel dramatic tonight)....wow, that fool is cold blooded
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 You know what this reminds me of? High school. I remember when I was 15 or 16 years old, really liking a guy, and we were sort of friends but he didn't like me like that. He would be mean to me, turn it on and off like a light switch - To make him dislike him. He did a good job of that too, by the end of the school year I hated him. Your exMM is doing the same thing to you. Make your own closure, he isn't going to help you with that.
kymberann Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 He's testing the waters, to see if you will jump. To see if you will fall right back in where you two left off. Do you want that? And I get it of course you want to. Sometimes we do have to fall back into it a few times before we really realize "What the hell amd I doin here!" If my MM came back after what happened my limbic system is telling me "GO GO GO" But now my logical part of my brain is taking over. Sounds like yours is too. Take some time to make a decision that is right for you. Ask yourself, do you want to be played anymore? And when are you getting PMs? Best to you!
kymberann Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Ohh i had a laugh!!!! Private Messages!!! NOT PMS, although this is my week for that crap. Chocolate here I come.
Guest Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 my exMM broke NC after 3 weeks with an email with maybe 3 more words than hi, but same story. It took everything I had, including forwarding it to people that know the situation and told me WHAT A JERK- nowhere does he say he misses you, loves you, cares about what you feel!! I could read all of that into him breaking the NC at all, no matter what the words said. But I listened to them, and they listened to me whine for a week- that email set me back so much that one day i had to take a day off work just to pity myself (and take care of me!). But I DIDN'T RESPOND!! I am so proud, so don't respond and keep the power. Ball is in your court, keep it! He's never going to tell you what you want to hear!! Best of luck!
GreenEyedLady Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I am with everyone here...don't respond...
frannie Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 So he put the phone down on you, and ignored your email. And now he says 'hi'..? I'm with everyone else too... just bin it. And put him on blocked.
Author addicted2love Posted December 9, 2006 Author Posted December 9, 2006 Thanks everyone...I'm hanging on to the "ball" for now. Let him sit and stew for a while...see what it's like to be ignored. Whoever said the "hi" didn't say I miss you, I love you etc. is right. Can't read too much into one word. To me it's almost sheepish KWIM? Like "I know I've been a complete a**hole but I'm gonna dip my toe in the water and see if it's still warm!" Well it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than a "hi" for this iceburg to melt! On one hand I'm sick of the "game" but on the other hand it's a little bit empowering to have even a little bit of control over the situation. Feels a lot better than being ignored ya know! I'm hanging on tight to my dignity at this point! Yes Bonehead I do want your opinnion. Thanks, a2l
Author addicted2love Posted December 9, 2006 Author Posted December 9, 2006 Yes I've been known to have PMS (putting up with mens S*IT) but no I don't know how to get PM on this forum. Someone said I'd have to post a lot more until I"m an established member. That's going to be a while since I'm still fairly new here. A2L
frannie Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Thanks everyone...I'm hanging on to the "ball" for now. Let him sit and stew for a while...see what it's like to be ignored. Whoever said the "hi" didn't say I miss you, I love you etc. is right. Can't read too much into one word. To me it's almost sheepish KWIM? Like "I know I've been a complete a**hole but I'm gonna dip my toe in the water and see if it's still warm!" Well it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than a "hi" for this iceburg to melt! On one hand I'm sick of the "game" but on the other hand it's a little bit empowering to have even a little bit of control over the situation. Feels a lot better than being ignored ya know! I'm hanging on tight to my dignity at this point! Yes, he is dipping his toe. The problem with what you're writing here is that you're saying "It's going to take a hell of a lot more"... but why? He's showing you how he is with what he's doing. How will him saying the right words make it all ok again..? It won't. He'll still be someone who didn't respond to you and then said 'hi' ages later, hoping you'd be in a different frame of mind. He's being very cowardly. Don't hope or hold out for the right words. Because they don't mean anything.
norajane Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Hi? Jeezus, there's nothing to analyze there! So stop giving him so much power over your thoughts! He sends you a two-letter word and you're now imagining him stewing waiting for an answer, and how he needs to put in more effort and blah blah blah. If he wanted to put in some effort, he'd have already done so. Why are you falling for this sh*t?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Men speak with actions not words. I agree, carrot. Don't bite and DONT follow that carrot.
Author addicted2love Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 Well it's been four days and I'm still hanging in there. I haven't responded but dear God I want to. Call me crazy but I do want this man in my life. I've loved him for 17 years it's not so easy to just turn it off. I don't want to play games anymore...I just want to have a civil conversation with him...work things out one way or another but I can't do that if I'm ignoring him can I? I'm losing my grip on this one!
bonehead Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 write an email and send it to yourself, post it here, send it to someone who wont send it on. But follow the course your on.
Guest Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 don't do it. i am the guest (without pm) that went for 4 weeks. got the similar "hi" then this week i got the "i love you/miss you" and i let loose, basically begged him to tell me what else i needed. to which i DID NOT get a good response, more like "you're crazy i just wanted to say i miss you and you meant something". i was incredibly dumb. my friends are still behind me and now i don't want him back, i want it all over and done with. i am so mad. PLEASE, for me!!! who you don't even know, KEEP THE BALL IN YOUR COURT. He will just hurt you more. I didn't listen to my friends and responded, I wish i had, it just hurts worse now, or did yesterday, today I AM DONE!!!! I am standing in the gap for you and trying to give you strength b/c of our weird parallel stories! (at least with the current no contact trials if nothing else). And, i am paranoid that my MM is reading this thread b/c it was just too weird that the next week i get the "i love you/miss you" that i said was lacking from your and my emails received first breaking no contact----- so if you happen to get this one A, go check your private email, my friends have something to say to you. i am losing it, but i am going to have a GREAT 2007!!! with no drama!!!!
Mrs. Jones Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Deep within you, there is a very hurt person who thinks they deserve no better than what this man has offered you, which is absolutely NOTHING! Although, I do not know you I can certainly tell you that you deserve much better than the scraps this guy throws at you. Do not be a fool, conquer your weakness towards this man and move on. Occupy yourself with more positive things that will help you get through this dark time of your life. In time you will learn that you can live without him and you may find that he will not enter your mind with frequency any longer. When that happens you know that you are truly healed. Think of your well being and sanity and remove this man from your heart, he does not deserve it. Give it to someone who will know how to respect it, appreciate it, and value it. Best of luck.
oyster Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 write an email and send it to yourself, post it here, send it to someone who wont send it on. But follow the course your on. great suggestion, I have been posting to get opinion and view from other members and also to help me on track with my NC. post the letter, we will try to comment, reply as if we were him
Author addicted2love Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I'm not trying to start anything up again...what I really need from you is an explaination. I need to understand why you would contact me in the first place and say you can't "quit" me and then avoid me and hang up on me. I need for you to understand how badly this has messed up my head and my life. I realize that you are doing major damage control at home. I remember all too well the steps that my husband had to take to get back in my good graces. But to his merit he at least had the decency to say goodbye to his "girlfriend"...he was kind enough to appologize to her for hurting her feelings. He gave her closure. He says his situation was physical not emotional (I'm sure you've claimed the same thing) but she clearly had feelings for him and he didn't leave her wondering where she stood. He took the chicken **** route and sent her an email but it was as kind as it could be and she was greatful to him for letting her down easy. I'm not saying he's the greatest for doing that but I have to admit it was the respectful thing to do. I guess I've kind of put myself in her shoes for the first time ever...it's not fun. The situation of an affair isn't fair to anyone but I truly feel like the biggest loser in the end. I believe that with you and me the physical aspect was the smallest part of it. It's the emotions that I can't get over. (emotions that we've never been able to get over) If it had just been one last fling between us I could get over that...I could say thanks that was fun...good luck and have a great life! But for me it wasn't just a great lay. I don't think it was just that for you either. I don't want to believe that the man I thought was the love of my life played me and tossed me aside like a used kleenex. Sounds harsh but that's exactly what it feels like to me. My heart wants to believe that your feelings for me were/are real but you are just confused right now. I want to believe that you avoid contact with me because you don't want to hurt me. Also I can't help but feel like maybe you won't say goodbye or end it properly because you don't want closure between us. Maybe you want to keep that door open if there ever comes a time when you want/need me in your life again. That would be fine if you could just explain to me happend. I really need to work all of this out and you are the ONLY one who can help me do that. I really need to put this to rest. It took me years to get over the pain of losing you before. I don't have the luxury of time now. This has effected everything in my life in the worst way. It's all I can think about, my business has suffered, I have no patience with my daughter and I tear up at the worst possible times. You are so much better at squashing your feelings than I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve. You and I have always been able to talk about anything when we we're both calm and open minded. I was angry (very angry) but I'm not anymore. We know each other well...you don't want to deal with things when you are hurting and you know that I wan't nothing more than to deal with things when I'm hurting. You know that I won't criticize you or make you feel bad about how you feel. I just need to know for my own peace of mind. I can get over this myself...it will take time but it will happen eventually. But I'd much rather deal with it now...get over the hurt feelings now so that if there ever comes a time when we run into each other or you decide you want to get in touch with me again I'll be able to leave the door open. That is if that's what you want me to do...I just need to know. I hate that things turned out this way and I'd really like to have a nice ending with you if that makes sense. I don't want to hurt or have hard feelings between us. I'm not sure if you even care but if you do it would be nice to know that. Please respond. I would appreciate it very much.
frannie Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Also I can't help but feel like maybe you won't say goodbye or end it properly because you don't want closure between us. Maybe you want to keep that door open if there ever comes a time when you want/need me in your life again. That would be fine if you could just explain to me happend. In my opinion this is most likely what it is about. He doesn't want to explain... he just wants to know you're there if he needs/wants to say 'hi' at some point and get some uncomplicated attention. There was a thread on here a little while ago about Narcissists..? As I said on that thread, reading about people who do these things explains an awful lot, and I think a lot of the confusing behaviour from some MM can be put down to this kind of thing. I'm not suggesting diagnosing people, just being aware there are patterns of behaviour that make no sense to most of us, but make a lot of sense in context. Your MM doesn't want (or need) closure. Far from it. And he won't give you any either. You have to decide for yourself that you walk away, with nothing from him, no explanations, no admission of culpability, no nothing at all. I had to do it with my last boyfriend (no, he wasn't married).
Author addicted2love Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 bumping this back toward the top.... Oyster & Bonehead....point of view on the letter I posted please. Here's the thing....as angry and hurt as I am...I still love the dumb SOB. The heart wants what the heart wants ya know. I've tried for the last 13 years not to love this man. He said it's been the same way for him.."couldn't let it go". Call me crazy but I'm split down the middle. Want him in my life one minute the next I want to forget about him. But everytime I think I'm over him something will remind me of him and I'll start to miss him all over again. It's been this way for me for years. I don't think I'd call that a "crush" would you? I truly love this man...always have always will. He knows it and said he feels the same. The situation sucks but we made our beds. Part of me feels like if I tread lightly with him I might finally get the closure I need without the pain. Honest to God just the simple "hi" that he sent has made me feel better then I've felt in a month. I know it's a small guesture but after all of the emotions and feelings we shared with each other it's nice to be acknowledged no matter how small. Might lead to the conversation I so desperately want to have with him. Who knows.
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