need some

[Guest]

Ok so please don't mind my typing im on a blackberry my situation is a real mess and mostly my fault. i married and 25 have a 5 month old son and been with my wife since i was 17 was always faithful and i wanted to leave about a year half ago before she was pregnant but when she got prego i stayed..She just shows me no love or affection and it just feels like i been staying for just my son and i dont want that..So in September i met this girl online and i talked to her no lie 8 hours a day i didn't tell her i was married which i know big mistake i messed up there, I didn't think i wold get close to someone online i was emotionless and just was looking for attention and someone to talk to.

 

Well this girl became like everything i wanted and i love her so much. She left her man of 2 yers for me he was a jackass and he was more of a comfort zone she told me even when me and her where just friends. Well we fell in love and i met her last week went to new york to be with her obviously didn't tell me wife and i didn't feel guilty for it. Like i said in my mind we been done for a while and i stayed for the wrong reason an di know that don't make it right. So we sent the weak together was perfect i told her the truth the first day and how i was not being with my wife and how i was scared on how i fell in love with her n was never expecting this to happen but it did and i didn't know how to go back and tell her this.

 

She said she understood people do things when kids are involved and she said she needs me and still wanted to marry me n have kids and all this and how im her best friend and she cant be without. So the last day we go back to her place and she says she cant do this. She then gets back with her ex and gets engaged one day later he jumped all over this. I know it not the she always loved him cas ei could feel it when she was with me and she still comes to me all the time. I told my wife everything that happened and she knows im not a playa or cheater i only been with my wife n this girl 2 women my whole life i had sex with im a good guy i just thought me n the wife where done and it was still wrong of me but i fell in love with someone who gave me the attention i wanted. I talke dot my wife many times about these issues and tried to make it work.

 

I'm trying to work thing sout with my wife and im confused still i would love to be that happy family but i love this other girl and i know she loves me she was ready to be done school in a few weeks and get a place with me..Now that she is engaged i feel like so much of what she said was not true but i do know it was shes doing it to spite me i think or because she don't know how much of me was fake or not. I talked to her last night on the phone the first time sinc ei left on Saturday and i could hear it in her silence 3 months of tlakin for 8 hours a day on the phone u know someone better then most people know someone there whole life most people don't talk like that that i know. I know i gotta leave my marriage for myself and she think i was gonna leave for her maybe that why.

 

I guess i want to know for one how can i get this girl back i don't wana sound like a loser or depressed if i know she was happy i would move on but we both love each other and i don't wana regret this for the rest of my life. Should i just pretend like im not interested and support her that seems to be the best way to approach getting someone back instead of the needy means that they say is a big mistake n pushes people away farther. Again sorry for the terrible typing and i know i mite seem like a dog here but im not so please any good advice would be great.

[Spinderella]

Did it ever occur that the girl was not getting back with her ex out of spite but because he was single and available and not the type to be unsupportive to a new mother??

Your wife is probably not giving you the attention and affection that you desire because she has a 5 month old baby, and is going through all of the huge lifestyle changes that that requires, aswell as getting her body and hormones back in balance. Lets see, she is probably exhausted, and has no time to give herself let alone anyone else, but instead of supporting her, you go in search of somebody else. You don't just find someone, you have to be open to looking in the first place.

I know you say you wanted to leave her. So why not leave her, before you pursue somebody else, and be a supportive father aswell?

If you do not love your wife as you say, then why are you still with her? Don't you see that it is unfair to stay in the safety of one relationship until you have another to take it's place? Do you think your wife will have any such option of a smooth transition?

You say you are TRYING to make it work with your wife. How are you trying exactly? You are on a forum asking for help to win back the other woman, how is this trying to work things out with your wife?

The best way to win this other woman back, is to present yourself as a single, available man. The little psycholoical tricks you are speaking about only work temporarily and are surface. At the end of the day, the huge fundamental problems are still the same, and it is these that has caused the problems in your relationship with the other woman. It is amazing that you cannot see this.