Belovely Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 After being with my Ex for two years and having doubts about the relationship from the very beginning, things finally came to an end in early June. However, he meant the world to me since he was my first love, so it hasn't been easy. The reasons I had doubts about the relationship is because I really lowered my standards when I began dating him, but thought I shouldn't be ignorant and gave it a chance. It proved to be both a blessing and a hardship. A blessing because with him, I learned what love is. A hardship because I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. He was a charmer and that's how he got me. I never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. We opened up to each other and in the end all we had was one another. I stopped hanging out with friends, because he would get upset. He wouldn't tell me not to go, but I knew it was something that bothered him, and to avoid the silent treatment or the arguing, I just stopped going. I spent all of my free time with and when I had to do something with my family or something without him, again he would get upset. The first time he broke up with me was because we went out with a couple of friends and we both got a bit wasted. However, he was a bit more than I was and started saying that I was an emabarrassment and that I was looking at other guys, etc. Needless to say, he broke up with me but the following day I called and tried to talk some sense into him and in the end he apologized and everything was fine. I felt as if I couldn't tell him what I was doing or where I was going for fear that he would get upset. Everything had to be his way and if it wasn't, I would be handed the silent treatment. If I asked what was wrong, he would give me that cold attitude, and it felt horrible! The second time we broke up was the final one in June and it was because I went away for the weekend with my Sister. I asked him to go, but he didn't want to and so I went anyway. Well that caused him to say it was best we break up because he didn't have a girlfriend to have her spend time away from him. It hurt and the whole weekend I was in pieces. When I came back he asked I go over to talk to him and I did and that's when he started saying he only said those things out of anger and that he wanted to get back together. When I told him that I couldn't take it anymore and I couldn't get back with him, he cried, begged and pleaded, called me at all hours of the night, and I was really ready to give it another chance, but family kept telling me that the cycle would just continue. He always made me feel guilty for everything that went wrong in the relationship. He had a way with words that even if initially I knew it was his fault, he would twist it so that in the end I thought he was the saint and I was the bad guy. So I didn't talk to him from June to August when I saw him again and he gave me his new #. We began talking and going out, but I didn't want to rush anything because I wanted to see if there was a real change on his part. Then in Septemeber after going to a wedding I began to wonder if there was something going on between my friend and him. When I decided to go visit him a few days later I noticed her car there but when I confronted him he denied. After that, he didn't call me for a few days. When I finally called him he told me we coldn't do this anymore and that it wouldn't work...that i took to long to want to get back with him and he got tired of being lonely and found someone else. It was then that he and the supposed friend made things between them official. A few weeks later they are engaged. Now, I'm doing a lot better than I was initially but I still have my days. What can I possibly do to reassure myself that this happened for the best and that I won't regret my decision of not wanting to get back with him right away. I'm afraid that I was forcing him to change and didn't see all the good in him and now she's going to get him. I'm afraid that I let him go and it's all my fault. I've met someone new who is wonderful, but I'm not sure what I feel for him. I enjoy spending time with and we get along great, but when I think of a relationship I just don't see it. I don't know if it's because I'm not ready for a relationship or if it's because he's not the right one. Anyone know what I should do?
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