rossi Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I don't know if many of you remember me. I don't post that much, but always read everyone posting. My husband affair ended up a year and three months ago. My problem is that I don't trust him, I feel so insecure about him. I hate when he goes to see his friends were he meet the OW. He does not go that much, not as he used to go before the affair. He goes to see them like every two months or more one time. I'm worry if he sees other women over there by accident. I know they are not together since that day. But I'm in pain all the time that hi goes out with his friends or family members.I'm suffering so much with this. Today he is out of work and he is with his ancle doing something and later one he will go to New Jersey to see his cousing. It is nothing wrong with this but i feel like he may see her or he may go to see his friend that i don't like. I'm feeling like i need to go to see a thereapiest next year, I can't live like this anymore, always depress and worry that he may see this woman again. He says that i have to trust in myself, that i have to think in myself. I try but it is so hard!!!!! I did not forget about the affair, i still drive to the other woman house to try to see her. After a year, oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!! I think I'm cracy. He has been so sweet and nice to me after this much better than before. Why I still feel like this?I still want to talk about the affair with him(he doesn't) I want to know what he feel for that woman. Why he kept the affair for more than three months if he knew if was wrong and does not want any future with her(his words) Why he told her that it was a game and keep going to see her almost every Saturdays. I have THE NEED T TALK to the other woman in person, I always see her from far and fell like telling her to please tell me about the affair. How it happened, what my H said to hell, how he feel while been with her in the affair. She looks like a nice person, i always see her with her son and they look like nice family. I want to know every detail from the affair but my husband said he told me everthing but i know there is more. Please any advise, how come i feel like this still?
Ladyjane14 Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I remember you Rossi. I'm sorry you're still having so much trouble. You know, if you're going to stay in your marriage and find happiness again.... it's time to kick the OW out of your brain space. I remember that you had limited sexual experience. I think your husband was your only partner. Is that right? And if memory serves, part of what was bothering you so much was the idea that maybe he enjoyed sex with her more than with you. (????) I doubt there's anything I can say that would reassure you about that, but.... it's not an important point anyway. Your husband chose to stay with YOU, and that's the part you need to focus on. His sexual relationship with you, his mate, is an EMOTIONAL one. So, the sex might have been nice with OW, or crappy with OW... it doesn't matter. Because in the end, the EMOTIONAL connection your husband has with YOU proved to be more important to him. It's time to put that one aside. Here's something for you to think about: There is NOTHING we can do to absolutely PREVENT our loved ones from occasionally hurting our feelings. If we love somebody... sooner or later, our feelings are definately going to get hurt. But that doesn't stop us from loving them, right? Your fears of being hurt again are more to do with you than about ANYTHING your husband might (or might not) do in the future. This is less about trusting him than it is about trusting yourself. How are you gonna handle it if he cheats on you again? You're powerless to prevent it. There's literally nothing you can do. You can't watch the guy 24/7. The source of your distress, honey... is that you don't believe you can handle it. The power to defeat your fear is KNOWING that you can. You can kick this affair and the OW, completely out of your brain-space by simply trusting YOURSELF. When you know in your heart, that come what may, you're going to handle it and you're going to be okay whichever way it goes.... the fear is defeated. When the fear is defeated, your self-confidence will return, and the risk that your own insecurity will become a destructive influence on your marriage will be negated.
Guest Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 I remember you Rossi. I'm sorry you're still having so much trouble. You know, if you're going to stay in your marriage and find happiness again.... it's time to kick the OW out of your brain space. I remember that you had limited sexual experience. I think your husband was your only partner. Is that right? And if memory serves, part of what was bothering you so much was the idea that maybe he enjoyed sex with her more than with you. (????) I doubt there's anything I can say that would reassure you about that, but.... it's not an important point anyway. Your husband chose to stay with YOU, and that's the part you need to focus on. His sexual relationship with you, his mate, is an EMOTIONAL one. So, the sex might have been nice with OW, or crappy with OW... it doesn't matter. Because in the end, the EMOTIONAL connection your husband has with YOU proved to be more important to him. It's time to put that one aside. Here's something for you to think about: There is NOTHING we can do to absolutely PREVENT our loved ones from occasionally hurting our feelings. If we love somebody... sooner or later, our feelings are definately going to get hurt. But that doesn't stop us from loving them, right? Your fears of being hurt again are more to do with you than about ANYTHING your husband might (or might not) do in the future. This is less about trusting him than it is about trusting yourself. How are you gonna handle it if he cheats on you again? You're powerless to prevent it. There's literally nothing you can do. You can't watch the guy 24/7. The source of your distress, honey... is that you don't believe you can handle it. The power to defeat your fear is KNOWING that you can. You can kick this affair and the OW, completely out of your brain-space by simply trusting YOURSELF. When you know in your heart, that come what may, you're going to handle it and you're going to be okay whichever way it goes.... the fear is defeated. When the fear is defeated, your self-confidence will return, and the risk that your own insecurity will become a destructive influence on your marriage will be negated. Thanks very much for you advise, you sound like a very wise man or woman. Your name sound like a female name. You are right I must trust myself and I have to forget about his affair for the sake of our marriage. I know our problems cause the affair but i was in the same marriage and did not cheat on him. But now our marriage is much better than it was before. He has been doing his best and stopped his old behaviors which cause the problems in our marriage. Again, thanks very much for your advise, i will read this post again. and again when i feel down and depressed
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