kkvenesky Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Hi, I hope someone can help i am going nuts!!! My husband and i have been married for three years now. When we first got married everything was great we were happy. I have been married before and have a ten year old daughter from that marriage. Then i have another daughter that is five. One of my problems is i cant have anymore children! I had a rare agressive type of cirvical cancer,and as a result i had a radical hystorectomy. well i had no compassion from my husband because i didnt go with any other options like freezing eggs or any other option. But there wasnt time. The cancer was spredding so fast. i feel i made the right desision. He just cant get over the fact we cant have any more kids together that is. My youngest daughter is 5 and her real father dosnt see her . My husband wants to adopt her as do i but he keeps saying shes not blood my family roots stop here and thst really hurts.. what more can i do?? even if we adopted a child together he or she wouldnt be blood.. I am so sad that he wasnt the man i thought he was love is supposed to be strong enough to get through anything.. Its really hard when all of our friends are having kids. He makes me feel so bad. but i shouldnt feel bad i didnt ask for cancer... its didnt kill me but its killing our marriage.. please help me find the answer should i stay or should i go??? My youngest only knows him as daddy she worships him but she is getting hurt and dosnt even know it..
Ladyjane14 Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 What about a surrogate mother and egg donor? The child would be his genetically, just as your children are yours genetically. But together, you'd treat them all just like they were biologically your own. It's expensive, but it's something to think about.
Krytellan Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Wow, holy selfish. How can you say he's not allowed to feel this way. You seem to shrug off the alternatives (frozen eggs and such that he mentioned?) as if they're senseless mumbo jumbo. If he brought up these ideas and they could have been done, he should totally feel this way. Can you say that there was absolutley NO alternative that could have pleased him?
norajane Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Both of you need to get some counseling to help you deal with this issue. His disappointment and your outrage are going to kill this marriage faster than the lack of more children. Both of you need to understand and sympathize with each other's feelings in order for this marriage to survive. Get some counseling and consider a surrogate.
Curmudgeon Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 You seem to shrug off the alternatives (frozen eggs and such that he mentioned?) as if they're senseless mumbo jumbo. Did you not read this, But there wasnt time. The cancer was spredding so fast. or is there some part of it you can't comprehend? Talk about shooting the messenger! My best guess is that someone as selfish and unfeeling/unloving as the husband seems to be probably can't be pleased unless he gets his own way in everything.
Guest Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 I think your husband is selfish! He should be grateful that you are ALIVE, not pissing and moaning about not being able to spread his DNA. And the whole 'blood relations' business is so stupid it just makes my blood boil. Being a family is about togetherness, respect, caring and love. It has very little to do with genetics, although yes....that is how most family members are related. But some blood relatives despise each other and don't speak while other 'non-blood related' people are closer than close. He needs to get a grip before he wrecks the marriage! Suggest counseling to him. I hope he goes....
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