bonehead Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket an the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?" "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens before they're hatched." "That's a fine story Lucy," she continued. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with with the machete till the blade broke and then kill the last ten with his bare hands." "Good heavens," said the teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" Don't mess with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer, however, retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen..... had to be a female. We should have known this.... Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost.
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 :lmao: :lmao: Ok - I'll leave the dumb men jokes alone. How about this... Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? She kept having affairs with men. (fits the forum - just in case they decide this thread isn't appropriate!)
Author bonehead Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 I was talking about the fat lost guy crack.
Can'tGiveUp Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 who would admit to being lost... If you admit to being lost, then the logical step would be to ask for directions.
Author bonehead Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 I always know where Im at. My not know where Im headed or how to get there but I know Im always right here. See, never lost
GreenEyedLady Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I always know where Im at. My not know where Im headed or how to get there but I know Im always right here. See, never lost Ahh...a man's logic...
Author bonehead Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 Ahh...a man's logic... and Im sticking to it.
Author bonehead Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 Isn't that an oxymoron? an ox moron????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ( quick what movie is that from??)
GreenEyedLady Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Isn't that an oxymoron? OMG, I totally love it!!! Sorry BH, but it's so funny...
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and > she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven . which part of > your body goes first?" > > Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." > > Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" > > Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in > front of you and God just takes > you hands first" > > What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. > > Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your > legs." > > The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face."Now, Little > Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?" > > Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the > other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was > saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, > we'd have lost her." > > The nun fainted.
desperate4change Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 BH, I don't know you, but you must always use the navigation system when in the car to keep from getting lost. Is that it?
desperate4change Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates". The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize? The man replied," "These are Carols."
Author bonehead Posted December 11, 2006 Author Posted December 11, 2006 BH, I don't know you, but you must always use the navigation system when in the car to keep from getting lost. Is that it? Dont have a navigation system in the car. lol I just never get lost. I ALWAYS know exactly where Im at. RIGHT HERE
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