memehimhim Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Hello Hubby and I seperated in january with the understanding that we were just going to take some time apart. He moved out and for the first couple weeks things were ok! I thought at the time this is what I wanted! After the first couple weeks though hell set in! I saw where he had posted on internet love sites and It threw me into orbit! I had also done the same just to see what they were all about but after feeling the way i felt when seeing his I did remove mine! We have been married for 11 years and have 2 beautiful sons! I have met someone and he makes me happy but I miss husband so bad at times! With Christmas approaching and the thought of him not here it is just about to kill me! I have mixed emotions about how I feel about him! There is no doubt that I love him! He is seeing someone to and the thoughts that come over me of him "sleeping" with another woman rip my insides up! I am not sure what level of relationship he is in with the girl but from what I have heard it sounds like just a "sexual" one for him! I begged him for many years for us to get couseling but he would tell me to go, that he did not need any! He has many problems that I have just delt with over the years! I am just so lost! The man I am seeing is good to me and my kids but not sure the level we are on and if it is a rebound thing! I just wish sometimes all my feelings would just go away! I have said things around my kids that I do regret! My heart just goes out to them! They seem alright with the situation but at times they cry that there daddy is not home and my oldest said he did not like the fact of him not being here at christmas! We have been and said very nasty to each other and barely even talk! All my friends and family tell me to just let him go, but I am the one that loves him, not them! Now our year of seperation is coming up and I am so scared of the end "divorce"! I do not want one and will not be the one to file for one! Please if you have any advis to give me or need to know more so you can help me let me know! I have not been Miss perfect in this marriage but feel I am a good wife and a good mother! I come from a very close family with strong family values and he comes from a broken home that went through a nasty divorce! Just wanting to know should I fight for my family back or should I just let go and how to do that! Thanks for any advice in advance!
Ladyjane14 Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 You can't fix something you're not willing to work on, right? If you're BOTH seeing other people, there's no way either of you can commit to repairing your marriage. It takes a STRONG degree of committment too. You both have to really want it, in order to make it work. My best advice to you if you're not sure you want a divorce....is to act like you're still married. Hand the OM his hat, and let your husband know you're ready to get in the game. Happy hunting, MMHH!
Antha Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 How long have the two of you been seeing other people? What are the problems that caused the two of you to separate? Does he still refuse to go to counseling? Do you know if he wants a divorce? Antha
silentalways Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 my 2 cents - from yer post, u state u are seeing someone yet want hubs back right? obviously if u were gaggagagaga over the guy u are seeing now, that would not happen - so, my advice is stop playing the waiting game and tearing yerself up and find out if its gonna work again - and anyone that will not go to see a marriage/relationship therapist is telling u they are not willing to work on the rs. personally, i have seen some sort of shrink since i was 19 - and enjoy it so, booking another night out on the town would be great - plan for the meeting and have dinner first, maybe take in a movie afterwards - don't let it be all about the 'fixing' thru words - include some 'action' stuff too. it sounds like u love hubby so just say that and he will too. good luck
anna13 Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I have met someone and he makes me happy but I miss husband so bad at times! With Christmas approaching and the thought of him not here it is just about to kill me! I have mixed emotions about how I feel about him! There is no doubt that I love him! He is seeing someone to and the thoughts that come over me of him "sleeping" with another woman rip my insides up! I think you just want what you feel like you can't have . If you met someone and he makes you happy , then how can you Love your husband?. so you both are cheating on one another. I think that if you want to work out your marriage you have to see what your H says about it , because it takes 2 to save a marriage. you guys have to stop seeing other people . that may seem obvious , but it seems obviouos too that you both are still married but chose to see other people . am a good wife and a good mother! I come from a very close family with strong family values and he comes from a broken home that went through a nasty divorce! sounds like you are just putting your H down without taking responsibility for your own actions. you come from a close family with strong family values but you have an affair ? so one does not have anything to do with the other. I think you can save your marriage if you truly Love each other . maybe you should tell your H that you Love him and you want to stay married and you dont want niether of you to see other people anymore and see what he says. I am sure you Love him . so many years married, there is a strong bond there. but sometimes , especially when people live apart people can change, and move on . The best thing to do is to tell you H how you feel and see what his response is first and take it from there. why would you both see other people if you both agreed that you were just going to give each other space ? did your H have an affair first and then you or vice versa , or did you guys agree to see other people when you seperated? . If someone is doing this because of the other person doing that , it has to stop . be honest and open and put aside the pride and just speak your mind to him . If you both Love each other you may be able to save your marriage.
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