Guest Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I just don't know what to do... we were together for over 2 years and we were engaged. We had the most amazing relationship. I felt like hey luckiest girl in the world because we were such good friends and so respectful of each other. Then during the last month things were different. I had a feeling something was wrong and I found some emails that proved it. He didn't sleep with her, they fooled around. It was an emotional affair. I was a wreck and moved out righ away. I have always said that I would never put up with a cheater. The thing is, I miss him desperately. I live alone now and I just sit by myself and sulk. The thing that I am trying to live with is that I feel somewhat responsible for all of this. You see... we weren't having sex anymore. I don't know why... and I don't know if we had worked on it that he would have cheated. Am I just making excuses for him? Should I look at the fact that the sex was over even before marriage that this was a blessing??? I am 29 years old and freaking out that I will end up alone... Help!
Cossette4 Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I'm sorry for your situation. I have been going through something similar. My boyfriend of 5 years just called me up one day of the the blue and told me he wanted to break up, and then 2 weeks later, he's living with another girl. I have no idea if he cheated on me and left me, or if this is a rebound thing, but the feeling that it COULD be a cheating thing is the worst feeling on earth to me. Like you, I always thought our relationship was so filled with respect and dignity and love, and I never in a million years thought he could do this to me. My advice to you is don't take the blame--people aren't driven to be dirty cheating liars that shatter our lives and it's somehow our fault. It's THEIR fault--they apparently don't have the decency, courage, or maturity to tell us to our faces if something is bothering them in the relationship. They only think about themselves, and never about the destruction they will be causing others through their actions. Never take this person back. You know your morals and values tell you that you would never settle for a cheater, and those are there for a reason. Don't make excuses or loopholes for how you could somehow get around the "rules" you've set for yourself in relationships. You'll spend the rest of your life attempting to settle with the situation, telling yourself it's "okay" when really in your heart it's not. You'll struggle everytime something seems suspicious because there will be no trust. It's going to suck big time now when you are sitting alone at home with no one. Trust me, I feel the same way. But it won't always be that way. Don't take him back just because he will end your short-term pain and lonliness. Think that there is someone out there that won't cheat and won't ever put you in a place where you are struggling with your own value-system, and you'll meet them someday and be so glad you didn't end up marrying this guy.
Guest Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I'm sorry for your situation. I have been going through something similar. My boyfriend of 5 years just called me up one day of the the blue and told me he wanted to break up, and then 2 weeks later, he's living with another girl. I have no idea if he cheated on me and left me, or if this is a rebound thing, but the feeling that it COULD be a cheating thing is the worst feeling on earth to me. Like you, I always thought our relationship was so filled with respect and dignity and love, and I never in a million years thought he could do this to me. My advice to you is don't take the blame--people aren't driven to be dirty cheating liars that shatter our lives and it's somehow our fault. It's THEIR fault--they apparently don't have the decency, courage, or maturity to tell us to our faces if something is bothering them in the relationship. They only think about themselves, and never about the destruction they will be causing others through their actions. Never take this person back. You know your morals and values tell you that you would never settle for a cheater, and those are there for a reason. Don't make excuses or loopholes for how you could somehow get around the "rules" you've set for yourself in relationships. You'll spend the rest of your life attempting to settle with the situation, telling yourself it's "okay" when really in your heart it's not. You'll struggle everytime something seems suspicious because there will be no trust. It's going to suck big time now when you are sitting alone at home with no one. Trust me, I feel the same way. But it won't always be that way. Don't take him back just because he will end your short-term pain and lonliness. Think that there is someone out there that won't cheat and won't ever put you in a place where you are struggling with your own value-system, and you'll meet them someday and be so glad you didn't end up marrying this guy. You werent having sex, for whatever reason, this happens all the time in relationships. I have to say that it seems, to be the reality of most relationships. But it comes in phases and all of the sudden you are having sex again. Instead of dealing with this in a respectful way that was positive for your relationship, your guy chose to deal with this by cheating on you. Great. Like the above poster said, please dont get back with this guy, you'll be looking behind your back the entire time if you do. That's not a happy life, and what we all want is to be happy, right? He is not the only person out there for you. The more you drag this on, the longer it will take to find the right person. I'm sorry you are going through this, but lets all make a point not to put up with cheating, it's BS in the worst possible way. PS, I am going through a break up and it is lonely, but empowering as well.
Recommended Posts