LuminousZ Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I've been dating this woman since early October.., Nearly 3 weeks ago she invites me back to her place and completely seduces me. She is very attractive in every way in my view.., so I was unable to resist her allure! We continue to see each other several times/week & always pick up where we left off last..., during one of those encounters - she says to me she wants only a physical repationship with me.., (WTF???) NOTE: some alcohol was involved My friends tell me I have found the perfect woman! However, sex is not my main focus..., She is very attentive to body language and noticed something amiss one evening.., So, in my most honest and straight forward way, I explained to her I am unable to seperate this fascinating physical relationship from experiencing some emotional connection with her. I continued to explain If she didn't feel it I would need to leave soon - not to return (Meaningless sex just seems like such a waste of time to me at this point in my life - am I wrong to want more?) Plans were already made for the next two days.., I cooked what turned out to be one fantastic dinner for her and worked the rest of the evening satisfying her needs! (I am a MALE after all!) We talked about my dilemma and then she suddenly wispered those three little words in my ear. It made me feel so good BUT.., Is that possible?? She said of course she had feelings for me but she didn't want to scare me away. HUH?? I'm afraid she said that simply to appease me. SO.., Can someone PLEASE decipher this for me? Why would a woman go from "only a physical relationship" to wispering those "three little words" within a few days?
Art_Critic Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Get ready to have your heart ripped from your body and eaten. She is bad news.. A bad girl.. Bad girls leave a wake of hurt behind them. Manipulation at her finest.. you are being played by a Bad Girl... I have had my heart ripped out by a bad girl before a couple of years ago.. so I know what it is like.. Painfull
Krytellan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 OK, ready for this? Cut her off. If you can resist all urges and cut her off, you will find out what she is really thinking. It is possible that she is for real, but you need to monitor whether she is just in this for sex or not. Come on, you're a guy, you know what "just for sex" behavior looks like right? I'm not as convinced as Art, but you definitely can't rest easy yet.
Art_Critic Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 she says to me she wants only a physical repationship with me.. then she suddenly wispered those three little words in my ear. She lays on you that she wants A FWB only with you.. You lay on her that it isn't in your plan She then whips the BFG out of her arsenal and tells you she loves you.. ( whispering in your ear of all things ) hahahahahahahahaha You are toast
Author LuminousZ Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 She lays on you that she wants A FWB only with you.. You lay on her that it isn't in your plan She then whips the BFG out of her arsenal and tells you she loves you.. ( whispering in your ear of all things ) hahahahahahahahaha You are toast A_C - Your comments makes me LOL and I appreciate that! It's possible you need more info before sending me off the cliff..., She has invited me to spend holidays with her + family - a day event coming up on Monday and she made reservations for a night out on the 19th - on her so to speak! She calls me more now and even stops in to see me at work - just this afternoon..., She's only 8 months removed from an unfullfilling relationship & recently turned 40 ( she emphasized how big a deal that was for her). As for her body language, she never wants me to leave before breakfast together! Krytellan - Thank you for your point of view + suggestion, I am considering this option carefully..., Have you ever employed this tatic?
SmoochieFace Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 She's only 8 months removed from an unfullfilling relationship & recently turned 40 ( she emphasized how big a deal that was for her). R-E-B-O-U-N-D Bad news. Proceed at your risk.
Walk Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Well, the men with experience have spoken. Take their words to heart. Could be couple different possibilities. What's she like in the rest of her life? Giving? Respectful, kind? or is she the kind that snaps at waitress? I don't even want to respond 'cause I'll probably get ripped on... but I've done similiar things in the past. If it's any consolation I didn't mean any harm in it. I don't know.. guess I had it beat into me that all men want is sex. You get hooked up with a few guys that ditch you the moment you show any interest beyond sex, and you learn really quick to just tell them sex is all you wanted. Besides... who does it really hurt? I like sex, and I wouldn't do it if it wasn't with someone I didn't find attractive, fun and interesting. We both have a good time. If it goes some where then great. But it's a lot safer just to say I don't want more then sex, that I don't attach emotions to it, etc. etc. Besides, no matter how much I wish I could detach myself emotionally from sex.. well, I can't. Trust me, I've tried. And I have yet to meet a woman who can. I'm sure one or two exist, but I dont' know who they are. All I'm saying is, she may have been using the wanting to be FWB as protection against you hurting her. When you confessed how you felt, it allowed her to feel safe enough to share her feelings with you. Or she's a sociopath and she's about to rip your heart out while it's still beating. Keep us updated!
moman Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Be scared, be REALLY scared. Similar thing happened to me recently and there is a lot of problems now because the girl wants me and wants to be physical but still has ghosts of an ex. I think this is what's happening here. She wants the sex and wants to like you but is dealing with the aftermath of a relationship. It sounds like she wants the attention, wants to feel sexy, and you are giving her that without her wanting to give anything in return to you. Just be cautious of your emotions. If she is serious about you, cut the sex out and see if she still calls, comes over, etc. Then you will have your answer.
Author LuminousZ Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Could be couple different possibilities. What's she like in the rest of her life? Giving? Respectful, kind? or is she the kind that snaps at waitress? She presents herself very well in all situations, can talk to anyone in any situation, she the kind of woman who captures everyones attention as she enters a room/bar/whatever. Her family is very loving / supportive and they've invited me out for day events. She has recently given me her gate key (Gated community) and House key as well as some salon products (she's a stylist)...,
Krytellan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 All I'm saying is, she may have been using the wanting to be FWB as protection against you hurting her. When you confessed how you felt, it allowed her to feel safe enough to share her feelings with you. Or she's a sociopath and she's about to rip your heart out while it's still beating. Keep us updated! Well put And have I ever cut a woman off? Hell no, what kind of guy do you take me for? I am inclined to agree with Walk here. I dont think there's any reason to freak about this. And I also think that whichever way this is going, it'll probably go there pretty soon. My question for you would be if you go into this head first and in 1 month it falls apart, are you the kind of guy who will be crushed by the experience or the kind of guy who can be bummed a little, shrug it off, and move on? If you are the latter... GO GET 'ER!!! If not, tread carefully.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Women are told that if you profess feelings for men that they will run. I have several single girl friends. Two that are drop dead gorgeous and can't get more than a month or two out of a man. These girls though are LOOKING for a relationship. The third is pleasantly homely. She has had a few bad experiences and lets a man know up front that she doesn't want to have a "boyfriend", doesn't want to get married. Everyone of these men flip for her completely. We all have named the principle after her!
Author LuminousZ Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 And have I ever cut a woman off? Hell no, what kind of guy do you take me for? Yea.., I was having a difficult time trying to figure out how to pull something like that off myself.., The only possible way would be to completely avoid going to her place. As it goes there, she's quick with a cold beverage, candles, music and lingerie - thats powerful stuff..., like Kryptonite to superman!
Walk Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 You'll just confuse her and make things more complicated if you go changing things up like that. Is it really important to test her right now? Well... I think she wouldn't let you meet her family/parents if you were just a walking penis to her. I would never bother to introduce a guy to my parents who I didn't want a long relationship with. It's far too much hassel to deal with the "why aren't you seeing so and so anymore?" and "I really liked so and so, why doesn't he come around anymore?" blah blah.. MUCH simplier to just avoid introducing the "just for fun" guy. So.. my non-professional opinion.. I don't think you need to deny yourself great sex in order to test her. I think the invite to hang out with the parents is a strong sign of her desire to have a relationship.
Parmalat Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Is it really important to test her right now? I would never bother to introduce a guy to my parents who I didn't want a long relationship with. Good comment, I have to agree with Walk! Give it time, she won't be contacting you and giving you gifts and keys and attention if she wasn't interested in something more long term. Rest assured I think you'll be fine.
silentalways Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 i just went through what is easily my shortest relationship - couple of months - i believe it was double rebound - lol and i hate to say this but - it took me about 10 minutes to move is that horrible? never should have happened anyways
DanielMadr Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I've been dating this woman since early October.., Nearly 3 weeks ago she invites me back to her place and completely seduces me. She is very attractive in every way in my view.., so I was unable to resist her allure! We continue to see each other several times/week & always pick up where we left off last..., during one of those encounters - she says to me she wants only a physical repationship with me.., (WTF???) NOTE: some alcohol was involved My friends tell me I have found the perfect woman! However, sex is not my main focus..., She is very attentive to body language and noticed something amiss one evening.., So, in my most honest and straight forward way, I explained to her I am unable to seperate this fascinating physical relationship from experiencing some emotional connection with her. I continued to explain If she didn't feel it I would need to leave soon - not to return (Meaningless sex just seems like such a waste of time to me at this point in my life - am I wrong to want more?) Plans were already made for the next two days.., I cooked what turned out to be one fantastic dinner for her and worked the rest of the evening satisfying her needs! (I am a MALE after all!) We talked about my dilemma and then she suddenly wispered those three little words in my ear. It made me feel so good BUT.., Is that possible?? She said of course she had feelings for me but she didn't want to scare me away. HUH?? I'm afraid she said that simply to appease me. SO.., Can someone PLEASE decipher this for me? Why would a woman go from "only a physical relationship" to wispering those "three little words" within a few days? Dont listen to what she says. Watch how she acts. Is she into you? Is she giving, does she have respect for you, is she loyal....Does she really loves you and how much? Is she good person to be with? She can be playing you only to have you around till she finds someone better. Girls dont like to be without boyfriend. 1. Put down your pink glasses of love and look around. Objectively asses her interest level in you. 2. It is all about the girl when it comes to where the relationship goes (if man is interested of course). If she gives you enough besides sex, you can stay with her and wait. Pushing her for formality relationship will make her leave.
Author LuminousZ Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 Is it really important to test her right now? No, Once Bitten.., Twice Shy. Simply Proceeding with extreme caution. Thank you for your thoughtful perspective on this confusing situation. Good comment, I have to agree with Walk! Give it time, she won't be contacting you and giving you gifts and keys and attention if she wasn't interested in something more long term. Rest assured I think you'll be fine. Voices of reason - I like that! You give me HOPE! 1. Put down your pink glasses of love and look around. Objectively asses her interest level in you. 2. It is all about the girl when it comes to where the relationship goes (if man is interested of course). If she gives you enough besides sex, you can stay with her and wait. Pushing her for formality relationship will make her leave. 1a. This is good stuff! LOL Those "pink glasses of love" certainly can cloud ones vision - Thanks for helping me remove them for a objective view! 2a. I didn't / don't intend to push for formality.., I simply wanted her to know I was feeling more than FWB - if she isn't, I gotta go. (Find the woman who really appreciates all I bring to the table) If she is feeling something, then sure I can stay and play some more. The three little words weren't completely necessary.., Does the fact I informed her my feelings were growing stronger than FWB imply pushing for formality?
rina_r Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 No matter what we all say here, nobody can predict where this relationship will go. One can end up being hurt even after years of a loving marriage. Proceed, take some risk...it may work out in the end! Good luck!
oyster Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 topic subscribed. Time will tell, please update us.
DanielMadr Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Does the fact I informed her my feelings were growing stronger than FWB imply pushing for formality? 1. Talk is cheap. By saying something you cant have official relationship. You can by seeing each other more often, by living together etc. 2. When you tell her about your feelings....were you asking for confirmation or were you just informing her? In 90% it is the former and it is insecurity.....you are not sure about her interest level in you and not so sure if you are even worthy. 3.You are telling her: 'You have me, do I have you?' = turn off 4. Strong, confident and clever guy wouldnt ask about her feelings aka telling her yours, because the answer changes nothing 5. She should be the one to pursue relationship with you. You can do that both but it is fairy tale. Or you can pursue relationship with her....then you are doomed.
MOMMIE Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Art Critic you are so funny(lol)... **Daniel I just hope things work out with you and your girl..I'm happy to hear that some men are not able to just have sex and feel nothing, although 2-3 months is not a very long time, it seems that things are moving right along for you two, and quickly I might add....I'm going to be really mad if she hurts you:(
MOMMIE Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Sorry for the Daniel thing....I think it was the picture:) but my post was for you.....
Author LuminousZ Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 1. Talk is cheap. By saying something you cant have official relationship. You can by seeing each other more often, by living together etc. 2. When you tell her about your feelings....were you asking for confirmation or were you just informing her? In 90% it is the former and it is insecurity.....you are not sure about her interest level in you and not so sure if you are even worthy. 3.You are telling her: 'You have me, do I have you?' = turn off 4. Strong, confident and clever guy wouldnt ask about her feelings aka telling her yours, because the answer changes nothing 5. She should be the one to pursue relationship with you. You can do that both but it is fairy tale. Or you can pursue relationship with her....then you are doomed. 1a. I'm happy to say we spent most of the past three days together. Saturday Night at a Christmas party for the store I work for.., (she made french toast for breakfast!) Sunday night - together, all day Monday at an ICE sculpture exhibit and ice skating with her family - that was an awesome experience - Check out the link below if interested (http://www.gaylordhotels.com/gaylordpalms/things_to_do/IcePalms.cfm) We went out for dinner Monday night where we spoke at length about figuring each other out.., That conversation started when I asked her why she told her father about the breakfast I cook for her. She then described how she perceives me as being hot and cold.., She explained how great I treat her while in her presence BUT when she calls me (most often at my office) I speak to her as if she's just a friend, I don't use any pet names and end the call with "see you soon" or simply "Bye, talk to me later"! I told her that when she calls me at the office, "I'm in business mode, sorry.., I will be more aware of your feelings during phone conversations". I also used that opportunity to express how happy I was to spend the day with her + family and looking forward to spending more time together. 2a. I was informing her of my feelings to avoid any future heartbreak - The essence of the conversation was a turning point - YOU"RE correct DM, I was not sure about her true interest level (emotionally speaking) and it was time I was clear as to whether I was just a "Boy Toy" providing a service or something more.., 3a. In my case, she seems to have appreciated me sharing my honest feelings with her - I can say this with confidence because I just received an email asking if she will see me tonight. I'm feeling better about this every day! 4a. The truthfull answer dictated which direction (if any) the relationship went from that point. I confidently let her know I was not interested in Meaningless sex - no matter how fantastic it was. That was directly after a strong, enthusiastic performance in many clever positions! It worked for me!! 5a. I am realizing she IS pursuing.., I'm feeling less doomed with her all the time! Thanks to all for your thought provoking point(s) of view.
Author LuminousZ Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 All I'm saying is, she may have been using the wanting to be FWB as protection against you hurting her. When you confessed how you felt, it allowed her to feel safe enough to share her feelings with you. Or she's a sociopath and she's about to rip your heart out while it's still beating. Keep us updated! I'm very happy to let everyone know My heart is in fact still in place and beating rapidly..., the relationship sems to be flourishing as we are spending more and more time together - mostly with her family + friends. She's even made plans with some out of town friends (life long) for us to visit in April! (Her Friends were in town for a surprise B-Day party - as we were leaving the party, her friend pulled me aside and assured me I would be around in April! ) I'm even considering taking her on a trip to Amsterdam/Swiss Alps for my B-Day / spring vacation.., Thanks everyone, for helping me decipher this enigma..,
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