Meggedy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 My girlfriends and I were talking about this last night...want to see what the LS community thinks. We all agreed that insecure men are not always easy to spot. A lot of us have gotten into relationships with men who seem confident, cocky even, only to find out later on that they are actually terribly insecure creatures. Jealousy, insecurity about money, looks, personality, and of course, penis size. We spend the majority of our time in those (typically short-lived) relationships stroking the guy's ego to make sure he's not freaking out about something or other. We agreed it is not a fun time. Esp. from a male perspective - are there clues that we're not picking up on early in the relationship? I mean, everyone has insecurities, but this seems to be a particular personality type or something. Is there a way to spot them? What do you think?
SmoochieFace Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Insecure men are easy to spot. They are the ones who continually declare to the world that they are confident, good looking, rich, and have large c*cks. It's as if they are attempting to convince not only other people but even themselves that they are 'all that'. Those who boast the most have the least, IMO.
someone2 Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Well, from what I saw in life, EVERY person... and I mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON has some major insecurities that he hides inside. No matter how confident they look, and no matter how well they hide it, it will always surface under the right circumstances. It can be about looks, education (I love this one, VERY hard to spot), penis size as you said , body build, communication skills, social abilities... etc etc etc. It boils down to how the guy would behave when he feels insecure. If he can control himself and not make a complete fool of himself, this is definitely a good sign. Some guys get totally crazy when they are insecure
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 We all agreed that insecure men are not always easy to spot. A lot of us have gotten into relationships with men who seem confident, cocky even, only to find out later on that they are actually terribly insecure creatures. Is there a way to spot them? I think you answered your own question.
Kamille Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 love the question! True, everyone does have insecurities, but they have come into play in suprising ways in some of my past relationships... And yet, I keep landing myself in relationships where guys stay with me because I "flatter" them, as one said. Signs: comments about "how good" they feel around me, despite struggling with depression. This without the favor necessarly being returned (ie, they don't know how to deal with my issues - I have to be a smiling ego-boosting barbie doll, not actually a real woman). Commitment issues, of course (either they want to move too fast, or can never ever really commit) Lots of talks about their 'core issues' (gulp! I just read your other thread Meggedy, so, yeah, I guess red flag there). A tendency to talk negatively about their past and future ("I never get this", "I'll be 41 and alone", etc etc). A tendency to see themselves as fighting the world alone. Insecurities - jealousy of my ambitions and career. To name the few that I've identified in my past.
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 What you perceive as an act of insecurity may appear differently to others. For example, a guy may get disappointed with you for talking with your ex-husband. You could see this as an act of jealous insecurity, whereas the man may see it as making a stand for something he believes in. Not saying there are not insecure people out there, everyone has insecurities big or small. Just something to consider.
johan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Well, from what I saw in life, EVERY person... and I mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON has some major insecurities that he hides inside. No matter how confident they look, and no matter how well they hide it, it will always surface under the right circumstances. It can be about looks, education (I love this one, VERY hard to spot), penis size as you said , body build, communication skills, social abilities... etc etc etc. It boils down to how the guy would behave when he feels insecure. If he can control himself and not make a complete fool of himself, this is definitely a good sign. Some guys get totally crazy when they are insecure I agree with all of this. If the strategy is to find someone you're compatible with and who you can be happy with, the tactic of trying to weed out those who have insecurities before getting involved is doomed to failure. You can't tell. A better tactic is to assume they have some things they are insecure about and to see 1) whether they are insecure about worthy things or insignificant things, 2) how many different things they are insecure about, and 3) how severely or repulsively they respond when challenged on those insecurities. Another risk is that you might get involved with someone who doesn't have such problems, but they develop. For example, you might find Mr. Right who, over time, turns into Mr. Wrong as his hair falls out or his career doesn't progress or he confronts his own mortality. In the end it all boils down to a big crap shoot. I personally have no insecurities.
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 comments about "how good" they feel around me, despite struggling with depression. Most of what you said is true, but this caught my eye. God forbid you if you make another person feel good! If that is a sign of insecurity then everyone who has ever fallen in love has major insecurities.
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I personally have no insecurities. Most of what you say in all your posts is very common sense based; however, this quote stands in very stark contrast.
johan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Most of what you say in all your posts is very common sense based; however, this quote stands in very stark contrast. Whoa. Let's be clear about something right now. I DON'T have any insecurities, and that's the last I want to hear on that particular subject. Understood? It's not often that I'm so blatantly attacked like this, but I can defend myself just fine. So you just better watch it!!
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Whoa. Let's be clear about something right now. I DON'T have any insecurities, and that's the last I want to hear on that particular subject. Understood? It's not often that I'm so blatantly attacked like this, but I can defend myself just fine. So you just better watch it!! Whoa, back off Mr. Perfect. Did someone say "cocky"?
Kamille Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Most of what you said is true, but this caught my eye. God forbid you if you make another person feel good! If that is a sign of insecurity then everyone who has ever fallen in love has major insecurities. Yeah, true. I guess what I've noticed both times I got involved with men who turned out to have more insecurities then I could handle is that they would always comment about 'how good' I made them feel and that was part of the reason why they were with me... On their own, they really didn't feel good about themselves. The two serious relationships that I had, the focus would be more on how good we felt together... Does that make sense?
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Insecure men are easy to spot. They are the ones who continually declare to the world that they are confident, good looking, rich, and have large c*cks. It's as if they are attempting to convince not only other people but even themselves that they are 'all that'. Those who boast the most have the least, IMO. I am jealous of you because you know so much about life and express your knowledge so well. Kudos!
someone2 Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Whoa. Let's be clear about something right now. I DON'T have any insecurities, and that's the last I want to hear on that particular subject. Understood? It's not often that I'm so blatantly attacked like this, but I can defend myself just fine. So you just better watch it!! X 10000. Love you Johan
SmoochieFace Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I am jealous of you because you know so much about life and express your knowledge so well. Kudos! Yeah, the rabbits taught me well.
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Yeah, true. I guess what I've noticed both times I got involved with men who turned out to have more insecurities then I could handle is that they would always comment about 'how good' I made them feel and that was part of the reason why they were with me... On their own, they really didn't feel good about themselves. The two serious relationships that I had, the focus would be more on how good we felt together... Does that make sense? It makes some sense. I just would not think that a woman who told me she was happy to be around me would be necessarily insecure. I would view that as a positive item. I don't think any "normal" caring person feels 100% good about being single. There is a threshold here though, some go overboard with an insecurity of singledom. I believe that any normal, loving person is going to be a bit insecure about being single because they enjoy the interaction that a good relationship brings. Otherwise, you'd probably be dating leatherface.
Moose Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I personally have no insecurities.DAMNDABLE LIE I TELL YOU!!! Just Joking....it's not damndable......
InspectHerGadget Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Well I know this one guy in my class at college who I would have to guess would be one of the kinda guys you are talking about. He is always bragging and putting other people down. It really is insane how much he does it. I don’t know if he does it on purpose or not. I don’t know how anybody could act like that with out knowing. Everyone in the class feels the same. I think that he would be one of the guy guys (or persons, this isn’t something that can only happen with males) that you mean, probably a very extreme case.
johan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Whoa, back off Mr. Perfect. Did someone say "cocky"? Sorry. I guess I'm a little insecure about having insecurities. Fortunately when someone pushes that particular button, my reaction is pretty calm and cool.
distant__nebulae Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Sorry. I guess I'm a little insecure about having insecurities. Fortunately when someone pushes that particular button, my reaction is pretty calm and cool. Yes, I can tell all I need to know about your calm, collective manner by how defensive you got in your previous post. I DON'T have any insecurities, and that's the last I want to hear on that particular subject. Understood? It's not often that I'm so blatantly attacked like this, but I can defend myself just fine. So you just better watch it!!
someone2 Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Yes, I can tell all I need to know about your calm, collective manner by how defensive you got in your previous post. I am not sure if you are serious, but it is clearly a joke He was setting you up for it
Pyro Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Insecure men are easy to spot. They are the ones who continually declare to the world that they are confident, good looking, rich, and have large c*cks. It's as if they are attempting to convince not only other people but even themselves that they are 'all that'. Those who boast the most have the least, IMO. Very well put SF. Pam Anderson says that one of the contributing factors to her divorce with Kid Rock is his insecurities.
My Fair Katie Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Most of what you said is true, but this caught my eye. God forbid you if you make another person feel good! It's more when a depressed person relies on someone else to make them feel happy. No one can be someone else's everything. Making someone feel good is completely different than being their sole source of happiness. Talk about having to live up to high expectations! Love adds to happiness, happiness should not be dependent on love. If that even makes sense.
Pyro Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 It's more when a depressed person relies on someone else to make them feel happy. No one can be someone else's everything. Making someone feel good is completely different than being their sole source of happiness. Talk about having to live up to high expectations! Love adds to happiness, happiness should not be dependent on love. If that even makes sense. Makes perfect sense. I also notice to that the most stubborn guys are insecure as well. Some guys believe that if you admit to doing something wrong, it shows you as being weak, which is a load of crap. Guys who do admit when they are wrong are secure and not the other way around.
Guest Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Yeah, true. I guess what I've noticed both times I got involved with men who turned out to have more insecurities then I could handle is that they would always comment about 'how good' I made them feel and that was part of the reason why they were with me... On their own, they really didn't feel good about themselves. The two serious relationships that I had, the focus would be more on how good we felt together... Does that make sense? I understand what you mean. I've had this happen too. What happens is that the person is basically sucking the life right out of you because they're depressed or going through some other major crisis and you're attention is making them feel better. HOWEVER, they're completely incapable of providing any emotional support or caring in return because they're so screwed up. The problem is not that we make these people feel good. The problem is that their insecurity makes us feel bad.
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