Bad_Monkey25 Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Where do I begin.....I guess where I left off: After getting out of the Army and coming home, I have kept in contact with my MM. He got out about a month after me and moved back home which is about 20 minutes from me. I have seen him several times, but decided not to have sex with him at all. He tried to convince me, but whatever. I stood my ground. Told him I would not go to his house and F*** him where he F***** his W, and that I was no longer accepting hotel invitations. We talked on the phone every day, cute little texts and such as well. He told me the same things he had been saying about his W, and the same things he always said about us, and I went along with it. At this point I guess I was just trying to be his friend. We made plans to go a concert about a week ago, but I never got a call from him at all that week. Texted him the day of the concert to find out if he was still going and he told me that his W had heard a voicemail from me and the S*** hit the fan. (All I had said was Goodnight) He continued to tell me some other S*** but I wasn't hearing it. I told him to have a nice life and hung up. His W had pulled up phone records and saw that he talked to me everyday. She ended up calling me, but I knew the area code and didn't answer, she called me again from his phone about 5 minutes later, I still didn't answer. I haven't heard from him at all since then, but I wonder if she believes whatever he told her about me. Personally, I would think it was pretty fishy if he all of a sudden stopped calling the number on the phone record, but I'm not his W. Let her be blind. I have a half of a mind to call her and tell her everything, but I don't want to break up a marriage. I sent him an email telling him that it sucked we couldn't even be friends after all that we had been through, and that I was tired of his disrespect to me. Told him to work on his marriage to figure out if that is what he wanted, that he owed it to both me and his W. And that I could no longer be in the middle giving him whatever she wasn't. Ended it with telling him to find me when he was single or could be my friend for real. I guess you could say that the concert was the final straw. I don't expect to hear from him again. I miss him so much though, he has been a part of my life for almost 3 years. I guess you could say I wasted 3 years of my life with a MM. My only question is, What next? How do I move on? I'm know I'm the one that ended it, but why do I feel like I am making a mistake?
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 And why am I so pissed off about the whole thing? I wish I would never have met him! But I am thankful for one thing----he showed me that I am stronger than I thought----I haven't shed one tear.
bonehead Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 but Im going to go back and read all your other posts first.
puddleofmud Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 The circumstances of the time are not what they are now. The first set of circumstances may have been unique but no less unique than the second--you both being sateside and more so, being stationed in or coming home to the same locality. You have not stated if you are single or married, nevertheless, the parameters have changed between the two of you. He may not realize it, but it seems you do and that's what counts! Hang in! You are doing the right thing and we will support you if needed. Glad you are home, safe and well as can be, Hugs!
bonehead Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Now for psyco babble BS. Look at the situation the two of you met in. Its a common line for people to say " We have been through so much togeather ". Well the two of you actually have. Combat will form a bond NOTHING can compete with. I myself still communicate on a weekly basis with people I served with. I was just lucky, I didnt serve with members of the oppisite sex. Your mad because your losing someone who was very important to you in a time of great need. And your losing him by HIS choice. It ( sorry to say ) is a relationship that in alot of ways can not be replaced. Not very many people will be able to understand some of the things you went through. He ( as you said ) was your rock in a time of need. Feels like when your friend died over there doesnt it.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Now for psyco babble BS. Look at the situation the two of you met in. Its a common line for people to say " We have been through so much togeather ". Well the two of you actually have. Combat will form a bond NOTHING can compete with. I myself still communicate on a weekly basis with people I served with. I was just lucky, I didnt serve with members of the oppisite sex. Your mad because your losing someone who was very important to you in a time of great need. And your losing him by HIS choice. It ( sorry to say ) is a relationship that in alot of ways can not be replaced. Not very many people will be able to understand some of the things you went through. He ( as you said ) was your rock in a time of need. Feels like when your friend died over there doesnt it. It doesn't quite feel like that, yet. I'm still just pissed off. He knew how much I was looking forward to that concert and for him not to even call to let me know he wasn't going kinda broke the camel's back so to speak. I felt alot for him while over there and coming home kinda changed things. I could feel it dwindling away, I guess. I wanted to keep him as my friend, but I guess what we did F***** that up from the beginning. I have told him before that it was me as a friend or lover not both, and then I would stop emailing or calling for a few days, but it would all start back up again. This time, I'm afraid, I'm serious. Hopefully he doesn't assume this time is like the times before, but knowing him, he probably will. Maybe one day, way down the road, we can be friends, but I am not gonna hold my breath.
bonehead Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 It doesn't quite feel like that, yet. I'm still just pissed off. He knew how much I was looking forward to that concert and for him not to even call to let me know he wasn't going kinda broke the camel's back so to speak. I felt alot for him while over there and coming home kinda changed things. I could feel it dwindling away, I guess. I wanted to keep him as my friend, but I guess what we did F***** that up from the beginning. I have told him before that it was me as a friend or lover not both, and then I would stop emailing or calling for a few days, but it would all start back up again. This time, I'm afraid, I'm serious. Hopefully he doesn't assume this time is like the times before, but knowing him, he probably will. Maybe one day, way down the road, we can be friends, but I am not gonna hold my breath. I know it sounds cold, but you were his way of dealing with what was going on over there.
puddleofmud Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I know it sounds cold, but you were his way of dealing with what was going on over there. And he may have been hers--she should be allowed as well.
bonehead Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 And he may have been hers--she should be allowed as well. Agreed, but wasnt going there yet.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Agreed, but wasnt going there yet. I will agree we were each others way of dealing with that place. But something happened along the way. I thought for sure we would go our separate ways when getting home, but we did not. I thought for sure our thing was over, but it was not. Instead, things got even more intense. Iraq was Iraq, and I do understand and accept that, but when you go out of your way to see each other like we did, then there was more. I don't know what point I am trying to make here, but being home and all this craziness happening made me realize that he's just not worth my sanity. We had a bond, a really deep one (or so I thought), that goes beyond sex. The last time we were together physically was in May, but nothing between us changed, so I know it wasn't about the sex. He told me that they were on the rocks, that he didn't see them together for very much longer, I never asked him this stuff. I never wanted him to leave his wife for me, just wanted him to give me some clarity, and when he couldn't seem to do that, I decided to go my own way. When he couldn't just say "let's just be friends" or "I need some time to work on my marriage" or "let's try this..." I decided to make his decision for him. It's his loss. I can do better than a cheating husband no matter if I was the first or not, or if he really meant the things he said, I deserve better. I realize that now. And I hope he will, too.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 I just found out what this type of affair was.....Split Self Affair. http://www.affairs-help.com/types.html Self-Diagnosing again. Guess I just need to get through whatever is next.
bonehead Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 [sIZE=3]The Split Selves have tried to do marriage right. Both spouses have sacrificed their own feelings and needs to take care of others, and the deprivation has caught up with one of them. The affair is serious, long-term and passionate. The spouse who is having the affair focuses on deciding between the marriage and the affair partner and avoids looking at the inner split. Most often this is a man's affair, but that may be changing.[/sIZE] Sorry about the font. I dont know if I would really say this fits. I think your going to have a hard time finding anything that will really fit your type of affair just due to the nature under which it started.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 Things I learned along the way about being with a MM.... That MM has changed me in ways I now realize are for the better. I am a more hopeful person, I realize how much of a true romantic I am at heart, and I know that I am stronger than I ever realized before. I thought I was weak, that I couldn't stop this, but I did. I know that things will work out for me in the end. I thought he completed me, but I realized that there is no such thing as a person that completes you, only a person that helps bring out the best in you. He didn't. He wore me down and made me feel less than me. When I thought he was truly the sweetest person out there, I realized how deceptive he could be. Telling me he loved me, but in the same breath he was a liar. He lied to his W, I know he had to lie to me as well. He took advantage when I was down. Sometimes he made me feel on top of the world, but it was quickly met with disappointment. Sometimes he made me laugh harder than anyone else has, but that was quickly met with more disappointment, and tears. I can say that I wasted alot of time with him, but in all reality, I learned alot from him and our situation. No longer will I just sit on the sidelines and wait for something to happen, I will make it happen. I am in control again. Never again will I give that up to a man like that. I want to thank him and tell his wife what a wonderful man she married, poor naive girl. Things always come full circle and karma has a way of correcting wrongs. I will not seek vengance, for vengance is of people with weak hearts and minds. I am better than that. I will not break down and call him, to tell him of these things, for I am sure he doesn't care. If he really truly did, he would be here with me. But if his W ever calls again and asks me about it, I am gonna tell her, for people who are not afraid to ask, are the smartest people in the world!
whoknows Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I wish I had good advice for you but I am in a similar situation. I met my MM when we were deployed to a very tropical place. He was having problems with his W and I was with my BF. So we kind of came together. The sad part about all of us is that our carriers could be at stake. He is an officer and I am only enlisted. There have been alot of rumors going around at work about him and I but no one can be accurate about it becuase no one REALLy knows. The other part of my situation is, is that neither of us will be getting out for a long time so I have to see him all the time when I am there. We have ended it but are sort of still at it in a round about way
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