busygirl Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Just got invited for our first out-of-town trip for New Years Eve! Who pays for extended dates? Should he pay or should we split the travel costs? What is considered typical? We've been dating 8 months. He threw out of few ideas- most likely Vegas (flying) or a town about 3 hours away driving. We've never had a discussion about paying on any previous dates. He always pays at restaurants & gives me little presents, and I make dinners for him, give him little presents, and occasionally get tickets for us to see plays. The trip could get pricey if we do Vegas. He could easily afford to pay for both, but I'm not sure I should let him. If we were to split it, I would prefer to go to Vegas when it is cheaper. Thoughts anyone?
Art_Critic Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 You are going to get both answers here on LS.. I think the guy pays... Always.... 8 months says it all.... relationship I would never ask my GF of 8 months pay for anything let alone a vacation
Meggedy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I guess it depends. Did he come up with the idea and then invite you? In that case, I would think it would be assumed that he would pay. Is this something that you both came up with and discussed for a while? If so, it would be appropriate to split the bill. Either way, if he's been paying your way for 8 months, if you're able to offer a contribution, I'm sure the gesture would be appreciated. If he's a gentleman, and we're talking scenario #1 above, then he'll turn you down....but the gesture would still be nice.
bab Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 You are going to get both answers here on LS.. I think the guy pays... Always.... 8 months says it all.... relationship I would never ask my GF of 8 months pay for anything let alone a vacation Interesting. I on the other hand would feel uncomfortable having someone else that I wasn't at least engaged to, pay so much money for a trip. I would want to split it two ways. If he really wanted to pay for it and he could afford it,I would probably let him pay for the hotel, but I would at least want to pay for my own flight.
Art_Critic Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Interesting. I on the other hand would feel uncomfortable having someone else that I wasn't at least engaged to, pay so much money for a trip. I would want to split it two ways. If he really wanted to pay for it and he could afford it,I would probably let him pay for the hotel, but I would at least want to pay for my own flight. I think a lot of it comes from my up bringing..That is how I was raised.. But I do know that I have always been able to afford nice things and vacations my whole life and most of the time the women I have dated don't make the kind of money I make so it does come naturally from me.. Maybe I might feel different if I couldn't afford to always pay.. who knows.. I will say that when a woman offers to pay her way even just for dinner and I pay anyway it does make me feel like a gentleman.
bab Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I think a lot of it comes from my up bringing..That is how I was raised.. But I do know that I have always been able to afford nice things and vacations my whole life and most of the time the women I have dated don't make the kind of money I make so it does come naturally from me.. Maybe I might feel different if I couldn't afford to always pay.. who knows.. I will say that when a woman offers to pay her way even just for dinner and I pay anyway it does make me feel like a gentleman. Hmmm...now that I think back on it, most of the guys I've dated were not as well off as I was. Of course I was in college when I was dating guys other than my H, and I usually looked down on guys whose parents were footing the bill for everything (ironically if I had kids I would want to do that for them though) and hence never dated guys that could afford to pay for everything all the time. H does make more money and has since a year after we started dating. He would usually pay the lion's share of things, but most of the time we split the big things, albeit not always evenly.
Krytellan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 You are going to get both answers here on LS.. I think the guy pays... Always.... 8 months says it all.... relationship I would never ask my GF of 8 months pay for anything let alone a vacation Dear lord. Well, what advice would you have for us guys who aren't pulling in over $100k/year. Geez. I find that completely insane and borderline impossible.
Author busygirl Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Thanks for the responses. I think the consensus is that the inviter should pay, but the invitee should at least offer to pay. He did happen to initiate the invitation. He could easily afford to pay for both of us, but I could afford to pay for myself. The kicker is that I am more frugal than he is and tend to be careful with his money. He nearly always lets me choose restaurants, and I pick moderate places I frequent, even though I know he could spend more. Also, I travel a lot for fun, so it makes more sense to me to take a trip when it isn't as expensive as Vegas would be for New Year's. (Go at a cheaper time and you have more $ for more trips!). If it were MY money, I wouldn't go to Vegas but instead choose the driving location. I don't want to come across as a mooch, so I am thinking it would be good to at least offer to pay my share. I kind of think he won't accept because of a reaction the one time I tried to pay for a meal. I invited him to a $100 per person group dinner, which is an unusually high tab for me but I really wanted to go. I assumed because I did the inviting I would pay for both of us, and I was TOTALLY fine with it. He, on the other hand, was horrified that I pulled out my credit card in front of others. I see that was a bad move now, but it seemed fine with me at the time. We argued about who was going to pay in front of everyone, and ultimately he won and he paid for both of us. When I asked about his reaction afterwards, he responded that it was a "guy thing". Ahhhhhh.... the secret guy code we gals have trouble figuring out.
hindsfeet Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 i think you can play it safe by playing naive. bring it up that you dont think you will have enough money for something like that. he should respond with definite clarity for you. if he doesnt wanna pay, im free for new yrs eve.
bab Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Thanks for the responses. I think the consensus is that the inviter should pay, but the invitee should at least offer to pay. If you aren't actually willing to pay, don't offer, he may take you up on it!
Recommended Posts