luvtoto Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 The last fiew girls i dated are summed up in these words:- Using Untrustworthy Heartless Mind Games Unreliable Emotionless It makes me feel cold & untrusting & thats not me. I guess i have to be more hard, cold & justa nasty guy. Ok, i dated a girl & she contacts me all the time as i said i didn't want her, & she does me, but i told her! I realy am having thoughts that i'm becoming bitter, it can't be so coincidental. This has been the same the last 3 or 4 girls i've dated & trusted. cg:( Nah, you don't need to become bitter. You just need to brush up on your dating skills. Until you learn to be smart with your heart, you will continue to have these so called "coincidences". Seems like you fall *in-like* to easily, based on what these women are telling you. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and take things too much at face value. Too trusting. This is no way of gaining respect from a woman. When you find out later, that they lied about the kind of person they were...you feel jaded & bitter. My advice is to not give them your heart until you find out that their actions indeed match their words. This usually takes the first few months of getting to know someone. Keep your heart hidden and don't allow your feelings to get out of control. Take things slow. Jumping in with both feet right out of the gate, is an easy way to get your heart broke, IMO.
CaliGuy Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 After all i said, the converstion we had & how she wanted someone she could trust! I travelled the 40 miles on train, i waited 2 hours & nothing! I leaft messages on her phone & told her what i thought of her! She got a good job, nice car, all the material things in life, but is immature & heartless, ok, i have been too once, but i wouldn't do this! Why do all the girls i meet & talk to & they seem into me, never let you know that they don't want anything. Why do they just keep quiet! I'm sick of it, being messed about, do people have no morals & thoughts. This or just no contact on phone after all goes well is happening a lot & it does my head in. cg CG, first off I am sorry to hear about this. I just wanted to tell you that the red flags were there. I could see them in what you had been posting. But really, the problem isn't the women you are interested in, the problem is you. You don't have strong boundaries. I know it's hard to pay attention to them when someone has captured your interest but some how you have to work on your confidence and self-esteem. When you're a more confident/secure guy you'll naturally attract women who are good for you, not the ones who are bad. (like this one). I'm not saying be a cynic or skeptic all the time but you do need to take things slow and not be so quick to jump right into something. Also, when a woman flakes on you for a date the best thing you can do is just cross her off your list and go to the next one. If she's that immature that she'd blow you off, not return calls or emails, etc then you know that she's not really into you. There are millions of healthy, fun, attractive women out there. You'll find the right one but first you really need to focus on you and your needs. Get your needs met and do it in such a way that doesn't require anyone else to help you meet them. Then you'll be healthy and ready for the right one when she comes along.
CaliGuy Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 The last fiew girls i dated are summed up in these words:- Using Untrustworthy Heartless Mind Games Unreliable Emotionless It makes me feel cold & untrusting & thats not me. I guess i have to be more hard, cold & justa nasty guy. Ok, i dated a girl & she contacts me all the time as i said i didn't want her, & she does me, but i told her! I realy am having thoughts that i'm becoming bitter, it can't be so coincidental. This has been the same the last 3 or 4 girls i've dated & trusted. cg:( CG, the common factor in all these women is you..... Work on your self-improvement and when you meet women with qualities like you mentioned above you will be able to heed the red flags and walk away.
gfto Posted December 10, 2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Next time, stay of the phone and instant messages. Two quick instant message chats, exchange pics, and that's it. Then, you have to call her bluff. Arrange a very informal coffee date and take it from there. You fell head over heels for a woman you don't even know. You got swept up in the idea of being with this woman who was probably never very interested in meeting you to begin with, notwithstanding her BS to the contrary. You sound like an extreme nice guy. Until you get over that, this story is only going to repeat itself.
Author caring guy Posted December 11, 2006 Author Posted December 11, 2006 Caliguy, gfto & luvtoto your all right, about me sorting myself out, but i get all this 'oh, if your not kissing on 3rd date, she's not bothered' etc & Cali Guy, i spoke to you about the Croatian girl & i never rushed into it with her, just met & showed friendship, that i was trusting & there for her & thought all was going well & as on my profile it said 'dating or LTR' so obviously thats what she saw & maybe she at the moment doesn't & we continue to see each other as friends, maybe she will see my qualities. She drtopped a bombshell saying that when we met she was single, but a guy that treats her sh*t sent her flowers & she bessoted, all her friends tell her she's crazy, very confusing & here i am being cool & ok to her, not rushing into it & i get this. This is why i'm a serial mess as far as relationships go. Ok, this date i ent on, i did get good signs from her, i knew it seemed too good to be true, but she said stuff that was very positive & that we had things in common & it got raunchy at times! I wasn't all wrapped up in it expecting great future, but it was worth a go!, maybe if i hadn't gone, she would have turned up lol. I guess there's a fine line between pace & not showing a friendly side as opposed to someone into someone for more. My longest relationship i was friends for ages & we did activities & then we got it on, my last LTR started fast, we had sex on 1st date & we were together 3 years almost, so i guess it's about the person & rules, are there any!! In my bar, this girl seems to be doing the rounds, she's been with one guy for a fiew weeks & lastnight, she's with another kissing passionately on the couch. It will last a fiew weeks at most, but happens so fast, maybe the alcohol talking, just not me. cg
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