caring guy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Hi Ok, so i met this girl on a dating site. She's very hot & likes me & sees that i'm not what she normaly gets, eg. guys wanting fun & because she has blonde hair & blue eyes, they think she's game a bimbo! We've talked a lot on phone & she's asked me to visit her for the weekend! She lives alone, we've spoken twice (long conversations) & on msn, exchanged photo's etc. I mean she hardly knows me & she's invited me for 2 nights! She lives about 40 mins on train away. She says she wants to show me her town! I'm wondering if she has anything else on her mind in the intimate meaning of the word! We do flirt, she said i could sleep in the garden shed with a wink & in some conversation metioned the word "butt", i made a flirty comment back & she said, "your not gonna see my butt, just yet;). I guess i should hold back & see how it goes rather than make advances. I do want more & to see her a lot, to spend time & share things. Not just what she's had from other guys, all the time! A little gift of a bunch of flowers & some Continental choccies i thought, as i am a romantic & what girls don't like them lol. Is that too much & any adice on the rest of my posting! What ya reckon! cg
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 a) Don't buy her a gift so soon. She only needs your time and attention right now. Don't exchange "gifts" for approval. That's what door mats do. b) Relationships that start with a bang often fizzle out quickly. If you sleep with her on the first date, be prepared for it to end soon. c) What's your rush? I remember how heartbroken you were from your previous relationship. If you want success in dating you have to break out of your old bad habits. Please. Whatever you do, read NO MORE MR NICE GUY by Glover. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results. Sounds to me like you haven't learned much from your past failures. Read the book I suggested. It will help you immensely.
blind_otter Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 ew, dude, don't buy her a gift for the first date. that is so corney.
alphamale Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 CALIGUY...you're the LAST person on LS who should be giving advice about not being Mr. Nice Guy.
My Fair Katie Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 No gifts! The gift you give your date on the first date is good conversation, that's ALL. Old show biz trick is to always leave 'em wanting more.
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 CALIGUY...you're the LAST person on LS who should be giving advice about not being Mr. Nice Guy. Alpha, you're the last person who should be judging anyone else.
Pyro Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Hi Ok, so i met this girl on a dating site. She's very hot & likes me & sees that i'm not what she normaly gets, eg. guys wanting fun & because she has blonde hair & blue eyes, they think she's game a bimbo! We've talked a lot on phone & she's asked me to visit her for the weekend! She lives alone, we've spoken twice (long conversations) & on msn, exchanged photo's etc. I mean she hardly knows me & she's invited me for 2 nights! She lives about 40 mins on train away. She says she wants to show me her town! I'm wondering if she has anything else on her mind in the intimate meaning of the word! We do flirt, she said i could sleep in the garden shed with a wink & in some conversation metioned the word "butt", i made a flirty comment back & she said, "your not gonna see my butt, just yet;). I guess i should hold back & see how it goes rather than make advances. I do want more & to see her a lot, to spend time & share things. Not just what she's had from other guys, all the time! A little gift of a bunch of flowers & some Continental choccies i thought, as i am a romantic & what girls don't like them lol. Is that too much & any adice on the rest of my posting! What ya reckon! cg I wouldn't get her any gifts just yet. I could be wrong, but to me it sounds as though she is inviting you out for some no strings attached sex. Wait until you know for sure that she is interested in any type of long term commitment.
Author caring guy Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Riddler Thats what she don't want & has had & sees me as not that! She's inviting me to stay with her in her home, nobody else, very trusting i think! Bunch of flowers for the table, is that too much, as i'm stayingthere, i just don't know wether if she wants any intimacy, i have to be careful as her last bf died of cancer! But she insists thats the past! cg
Krytellan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 i have to be careful as her last bf died of cancer! But she insists thats the past! cg Oh my, and the plot thickens. Hey, make sure someone knows where you are staying. She could be a "Black Widow". Half joking, but half serious. And don't get her a gift.
Author caring guy Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 Your trealy having a laugh aren't you. Thats a nice thing to say about a girl that lost her bf through cancer! A gift, no, but flowers are just a gentlemanly gesture! cg
Krytellan Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Your trealy having a laugh aren't you. Thats a nice thing to say about a girl that lost her bf through cancer! A gift, no, but flowers are just a gentlemanly gesture! cg BF with cancer or not, anytime you're leaving the area to meet someone alone, you should make sure someone knows where you are. Just 2 days ago a woman disappeared here for something that was probably very much like this. Why do people always think I'm trying to be funny? There are sick people in the world... face up to it.
Parmalat Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 First off I agree with Krytellan, let someone know where you are going and check in with them through the 2 days so that they can keep track that your still breathing. No jokes like you guys said there are some sick ones out there. Secondly get the woman some flowers, there is nothing wrong with getting flowers, it is very romantic! Just no roses get something mixed, just for the gesture. Enjoy your weekend, I just know it's going to be great.
Art_Critic Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I mean she hardly knows me & she's invited me for 2 nights! No gifts as you hardly know her.. but here is nothing wrong with giving her a small bouquet of flowers.. I'm a flower giver and have always had good success with the romantic gesture side of giving flowers, but you do have to make sure they are small and a mixed bouquet.. maybe made up of her favorite flower Personally I would pay more attention to the fact that that she doesn't know you and she is asking you to stay at her house for 2 days and you only live 40 miles apart. Then you mention that her last BF recently died... These are what are called red flags.. I'm not saying don't date her.. just do it without rose colored glasses on
Author caring guy Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 I think she's the one thats taking a risk. We've talked an hour on the phone & hours on net. She lives alone & is bringing me back for 2 nights. I could be anyone! Mad axe man etc! She wants a guy she can trust & not just see her blonde hair & blue eyes. She says she thinks i'm that. Are the red flags that she could need some company & is on rebound from dead bf! & therefore i shouldn't get my hopes up for relationship or anything long term! cg
Author caring guy Posted December 9, 2006 Author Posted December 9, 2006 After all i said, the converstion we had & how she wanted someone she could trust! I travelled the 40 miles on train, i waited 2 hours & nothing! I leaft messages on her phone & told her what i thought of her! She got a good job, nice car, all the material things in life, but is immature & heartless, ok, i have been too once, but i wouldn't do this! Why do all the girls i meet & talk to & they seem into me, never let you know that they don't want anything. Why do they just keep quiet! I'm sick of it, being messed about, do people have no morals & thoughts. This or just no contact on phone after all goes well is happening a lot & it does my head in. cg
Spinderella Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Maybe she was desperately lonely after losing her bf to cancer, and arranged all of this with all intention of going through with it. But then panicked when it came to it, in case you were an axe murderer.
IpAncA Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I can't believe that you went or even considered doing that until you got to know her more then what you did. A decent stable girl will not or should not invite you to spend the weekend with her just by talking on the im or phone like that. Usually it would be something like meet me for coffee/lunch type of thing first. What would have happend if she did come and get you and things went wrong and I mean completely wrong. Trust me you don't want to be blamed for anything you didn't do. People are even werider now a days. People do have morals and thoughts. Your just not finding any. Stop going on those dating sites and agreeing to meet people after just talking to them and exchanging pics like that. Not saying that you shouldn't meet them, but make sure you both agree to meet somewhere in a public place to talk and that someone knows where you are. Try meeting women elsewhere and see where you end up.
luvtoto Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I think she's the one thats taking a risk. We've talked an hour on the phone & hours on net. She lives alone & is bringing me back for 2 nights. I could be anyone! Mad axe man etc! That is what Art_Critic was meaning by the 'red flags'. Let's think about this for a sec. You don't know her. Seriously, you don't know her. You are making assumptions about what kind of person she is by what she is telling you through email or phone. You build her trust by buying her flowers, and doing nice things. Later, after the 2 day weekend, you find out..hey, I really am not that into this girl. I found out lots of things about her that are just too strange for me. (hypothetically speaking of course) Because you are just believing what is being told to you at this point. Not, what you seeing. On the other hand, things that she is telling you and things that she is doing are starting to contradict each other. You want out now. You really don't think it's gonna work out. So, now you can see why the flower gesture is kinda innappropriate at this juncture in the relationship. Just slow down and quit assuming what kind of girl she is. Get to know her for real.
IpAncA Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 O and btw she probably had second thoughts and didn't know what she was geting into. Personally I would never in my life do that. There is no telling who I was going to really met or what would have happend to me once we were alone.
silentalways Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Ips is correct. if i hadn't met someone yet and they are asking me to spend the weekend with them, i would be cautious. however, if u are a romantic at heart, sometimes things just 'do happen' immediately. i know one woman that asked a man out on a date and he said yes and he proposed to her on that date. they have been married for over 22 years, are totally still in love and have 3 wonderful children - so, things that sound like twilight zone experiences [only good ones] actually do happen. we just hear more about the bad stuf because the good ones, the good stories, the people associated with them are to busy being happy to actually post on a site like this so sometimes our 'view' on things gets a little out of whack.
Quinch Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Sorry you got burned, CG. It happens to the best of us so don't feel bad about it. It's so easy to get carried away but, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. You had a lucky escape this time.
luvtoto Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Why do all the girls i meet & talk to & they seem into me, never let you know that they don't want anything. Well, all I can say is look at the circumstances to begin with.
Author caring guy Posted December 9, 2006 Author Posted December 9, 2006 your all right, it did seem strange & i was debating with myself as to wether to go or not, i just thought with my eyes, as she's hot & ears, as we got on well on phone. Also as Silentalways says, nothing ventured, nothing gained, it could all have worked out well & in the end!, it didn't. It was the Tuesday we spoke for an hour & as i was in town the next day i got a ticket as it's mayhem at station on Friday 5pm, so i called her to ask when she finished work to pick me up, she said 6pm & that she was looking forward to it a lot. Luvtoto, that post was a bit deep lol, but i get you. Flowers, thats just me & a kind gesture wether it did or didn't work! The issue is, for me, why the hell didn't she let me know in advance, or just say 'lets meet half way for coffee in public place', maybe i should have done that, i didn't think she could have been a psycho too. I guess there won't be any contact in future, as i waited for her in the bar in the station, waiting for 2 hours for her to call, had fiew drinks & gave her a good earbashing on her voicemail. Just letting someone know, thats all. I would. cg
so gutted Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 this was am awful thing to do. lead you on so much and then act so heartlessly. The warnings were there, but i guess like the rest of us you thought it was worth taking the risk. dont let this experience make you bitter. just have a break and then start again, dont agree to stay over with anyone u dont know. just meet in a public place for the first date. dont get carried away.
Author caring guy Posted December 10, 2006 Author Posted December 10, 2006 The last fiew girls i dated are summed up in these words:- Using Untrustworthy Heartless Mind Games Unreliable Emotionless It makes me feel cold & untrusting & thats not me. I guess i have to be more hard, cold & justa nasty guy. Ok, i dated a girl & she contacts me all the time as i said i didn't want her, & she does me, but i told her! I realy am having thoughts that i'm becoming bitter, it can't be so coincidental. This has been the same the last 3 or 4 girls i've dated & trusted. cg:(
Recommended Posts