torn1985 Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Well that about sums it up in four words. But let me get a bit more detailed. Lets start with K. He's 22, known him for almost 6 years. We had a great relationship, ended up breaking up because of something stupid in 2004. We have since remained great friends and had pretty much planned on getting back together someday because we really do get along great and that we always want the other in our lives. Lets go back to our break up though. We were both turning 20 soon and we ended up arguing over him losing his job. It had been a few weeks and he hadn't gotten another job. But on top of that he still had his little brother come over to spend the month with us as prior planned. It was a stressful time and we ended up arguing and me getting some stuff and heading to my sisters next door. I had planned on a little break, he took it as us separating. It was a rough bit there, but we still saw each other often and did still love and care for each other. Then about 8 months after the break I had the chance to move about 1400 miles away (still in USA, but half a country away from each other) And I really wanted to go, but I did not want to leave him. He told me to go and do whats best for myself. So I left, and this was April of 2005. I ended up getting into school here (and graduated!). The problem started in May 2006. Here's where I met D. Hes 24, and we started hanging out. Then it started to snowball. We hung out more and more. And then we were dating (without the actual titles or anything but we were exclusive). He is not from around here either, moving here when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans where he is from. We get along great and have great chemistry. I still talked to K all the time. I mean he was always the 'One' even if I was dating a guy here or there. But then it got complicated. I fell in love with D. But I still love K. Its come to the point where I know I have to pick one or the other. I cant love them both, because its tearing me up inside. K is my best friend. We can talk about everything. We always had plans for the future involving the other. And I still do... But then I think of D. We have fun together and he is a good person as well, with a good heart. We could do great I think..if it weren't for K being in my heart. When I'm talking to one, I'm so happy and feel that they are the one. But it happens with both. I have tried with Pro/Con lists for each. It hasn't helped. I really care about both of them and when I think of having to choose one, when I think of losing the other it hurts. So I cant pick. But I know I'm dragging them both along too (they know about all this) I never thought anything like this would happen to me. I guess being alone (physically), I was open to someone who cared about me. I wasn't trying to love D, I was just enjoying our time spent together. Anyone been in a situation like this? I have told friends and family how I feel and they arent any help. My mom cried with me today, because she likes them both and can understand what I feel. But no one seems to be able to give me advice. So I looked around online and stumbled upon this site. Maybe it will take a strangers point of view to help me chose... I hope so.
che_jesse Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Yeah thats always rough, you get a prize for being a decent person and actually trying to make a decision, more people should take your example. Well... since they both stack up evenly in the like, friendship, pleasentness to be with, and niceness catagories, and you "love" them both.. lets look at some other catagories. Your not looking for a friend, your looking for a boyfriend/husband/whatever person, lets keep that in mind. Who gets you the hotest? Who is there more passion and uncontrolible animal lust with? Let that make your decision for you. Who is it that you want to crawl into bed with? Now? 20 years from now?
Author torn1985 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 Passion here is not a good way to chose. It would be contrite to get rid a good relationship with a person (and his family) because being apart and single I started "crawling into bed" with someone else. I'm saying that the issue here is the deep regret I feel about losing one of them to have the other.
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Passion here is not a good way to chose. Yes there is. The one who is your best friend...because that will last a lifetime. The new guy, you don't know him as well as the old guy. "The best indication of future behavior is PAST behavior..." I'm saying that the issue here is the deep regret I feel about losing one of them to have the other. Not to sound trite, but there are many who have NO ONE who loves them and no choices. Be thankiful you have a choice and make one, soon. Because if you drag this out, you may end up hurting two men instead of one. If you want my advice, if it means anything to you, the one you KNOW and who has always been there for you is the one (if I were in your shoes) I would chose. You know the old love is not going to change and you can pretty much depend on him. The new guy, well the jury is still out on him. Whatever you do, choose soon. One of them needs to be "let go" so he is free to love someone else.
Waldin Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 hi... i read your problem... so difcult to choose among them you love but i suggest you must give you self a time to think wich among them your love...
ShoeGirl Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Is there anything that you do not like about one of the guys? Which one can you see yourself being with everyday in 10 years, or 20? Is one more stable than the other, job wise, financially, emotionally? Good luck with your decision, just remember that no matter who you chose he will be the right one!
silentcharon Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 CG is right. Do yourself a favor and pick, very, very soon- the longer you wait, the more painful it will be for all parties involved. You are no different than my ex, who could not make up his mind and were involved with me and another lady. I should note that it ended very badly- you can avoid this by choosing almost right away. Good luck!
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Ouch! I don't envy you on this one...Tough decision you have to make. Take time for yourself, be alone and think. Can I ask? Do they know about eachother?
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