Guest Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 First of off I'm not trashy so don't even think that. I have nice clothes and I work at a decent place. I've even got compliments about how nice I look and trust me their not just saying that. Ok I don't know why this is happening to me. I can't seem to find anyone worth dating. Usually the ones that have interest in me are the ones who are trashy and just IMO ugly and werid. This is probably my fault that this is happening because I do tend to flock more towards low standard type of people because I feel comfortable with them and I'm able to talk to them openly. This has seemed to follow me even in college. Usually when I see someone that catches me eye I seem to think that I wouldn't even stand a chance. Even if I do get around to talking to them I don't know why but I feel like that I send this leave me alone thing or something because they obviously don't have no interest. I usually just end up being friends with them and talk to them ever know and then. Maybe it's is me and that maybe I do just belong with the trash type of people. I mean I seem to talk to them more. Maybe I should just accept it and date them. Even though I don't want to I don't want to end up alone. Any ideas or advice would be helpful. Please be honest with me too because I don't want to play games here. Thanks. and if it helps I'm only 23.
Krytellan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 With some obnoxious exceptions, I dont know of any men who would act weird if you came up to them, no matter how they look. You talk to the weirdos because you must have a complex and feel that you are not worthy of others' attention. If you don't get over that and talk to "normal" people, there's nothing else you can do but hope for the best. Don't let life happen to you, make it happen.
IpAncA Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Yeah it does sound like you think your not worthy of them. Why is that?
Guest Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 With some obnoxious exceptions, I dont know of any men who would act weird if you came up to them, no matter how they look. You talk to the weirdos because you must have a complex and feel that you are not worthy of others' attention. If you don't get over that and talk to "normal" people, there's nothing else you can do but hope for the best. Don't let life happen to you, make it happen. A complex of what? Yeah I will say that I probably do think that I'm not worthy of other's attention. I guess I just feel that either they are aready taken or they would prefer some barbie type blond girl. Seems like those type of girls seem to get who ever they want. I guess I feel like I can't compete with them so why even bother. Now my last boyfriend I thought was good looking to me but I knew him for a long time and we just ended up together. Now that were broken up I just feel lost.
Krytellan Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 Look, I'll give you a bit of insight into men. First, we get approached WAY less than women, generally. From my point of view, I have been approached by a woman maybe 5 times in my life. I'm a good looking guy and have very few problems with women not finding me attractive. Thats not many times. I am instantly much more interested in a woman that is talking to me than I am some barbie doll across the room who's "powdering her nose" and waiting for guys to faun all over her. Simply put, a woman who takes initiative to talk to men has a lot of control in her life. Most women refuse to, and I fail to understand why. ALL men I have known love it when a woman makes the first step in talking. And another thing, I prefer cute average girls to barbie doll types every time (though I suppose someone could say that says a lot about my self-worth If this isn't enough reason for you to reconsider your stance on approaching men, then I would offer that you have a view of yourself that is unhealthy and needs to be addressed. If you are a woman that is not blessed with having guys dropping at your feet asking you out, you have to put a little effort into it... or risk being alone for a long time. Once again, don't let life play you, take some control.
Guest Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 One of the reasons why I and couple of my other friends never did the approaching was because I for one thought that it showed that we were these controlling and pushy women. Didn't think that it looked good. Maybe there is also the fear of being rejected or making a fool out of ourselves. Guys can be hard to approach. I'll just say this real quick. To be honest I probably do have a negative view of myself. That's probably why I hang out with who I do. I'm not perfect like some others come off as so maybe that has something to do with it. I don't know. Maybe I feel like if someone better came along then that guy would go with them. It's crazy I know. I guess I'm just tired of seeing these good looking perfect women walking around and guys just go nut crazy over them and average looking girls just get looked over or picked second. I don't know where you live but where I do there are a lot of good looking women and trust me, guys don't over look them and there is probably a good reason for that. Thanks for you reply though. It did help me somewhat.
IpAncA Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I'll tell you something too. If there is anything that I have learned is that I had a lot of misconceptions about good looking guys. There was a lot that I didn't know and some generalizations that I shouldn't have made. Yeah smart pretty blond girls usually don't have any trouble. Might be wrong here so correct me if I am but that shouldn't turn you off of trying. If you don't try then you don't know and you end up alone. You don't want to end up like that now do you? It makes me wonder what would happen if someone you liked came up to you. I sure hope that you wouldn't turn them away. I think you have some misconceptions and should stop comparing yourself to others. BTW I'm just wondering here. But why did you and your exbf break up? Was it recent or was this something that happend a while ago. Was is something that he said or did?
Krytellan Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Another piece of insight, though not as directly helpful. These guys that you mention that sound like they act like drooling morons when a hot girl walks by... yeah, they sound like real winners. These are not the extent of the male species, I promise you. The problem is you are either generalizing all men into this category or you are always hanging out at what we call "meat markets", or dance clubs where people go just to get laid. As far as the getting rejected part, well, welcome to life. Even on your worst day, you would get rejected at most 50% as much as I have in my life. So what? If you refuse to make any moves in life, you may in fact stumble across someone in your life. However , if and when that happens, you had better hope that the left-overs that life has chosen to give you is worth spending a significant part of your life with. Otherwise it will be a long and lonely existence. I mean I know, bottom line is that you may or may not make any changes and decide to actually take a chance in your life (by the way, taking a chance can be great... I'm enjoying the hell out of one right now), but if you don't, the people around you are not just going to change to accomodate you. It hust seems you have a decision to make.
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