Dating much younger than yourself....

[scrybe74]

First...some background.

I've ended a 2.5 year relationship this past August. I have a 1 y/o child from the relationship who lives with her mother but I see her several days throughout the week. I also have a 6 y/o boy from my first (and last) marriage who lives with me.

 

I'm 32 and have a decent job, well behaved kids and I consider my self a decent guy. I'm not perfect at all but I consider myself a good catch for the right woman.

 

I've been on a couple of dates since the break up but nothing serious ever became of it. I dated on woman who was 23. She was nice and attractive but there was just no chemistry between us. I really had a terrible time with her. I chalked it up to our age difference and swore off dating anyone under 26.

 

Well...I've met someone who seems pretty nice. We are going on our first date this Saturday. I'm not sure how I feel about it though. She's 20. Almost 21 but still.....20.

 

I've talked to some of my female friends and co-workers and they seem pretty evenly split. Some of the women have dated and/or married men 10-15 years older than themselves and see no problem with it. Other women say that it's not the age difference but the age. That she being 20 is just too damn young.

 

I have my reservations because of her age myself so I'm pretty cynical. I don't think anything will come of it but I figured that I should at least go on the date and see what happens. I just feel weird about it. What if we actually click and want to continue seeing each other? I'd be embarrassed to bring her around my co-workers or family I think. My friends (male and female) probably wouldn't have an issue with it. They know me best and know that I'm not cruising for women that young so would support me if this actually turned into something real.

 

I usually get excited before a first date and I don't feel that excited. I just feel....weird. She's extremely attractive and her overall physical appearance is exactly my type. We've had a few phone and email conversations and they haven't been super stimulating but then again some people are much better in face to face conversation than on the phone. My first wife was like that. The woman didn't seem to be put off about my having children from 2 different relationships and seems okay that I live an hour away.

 

So I'd like your opinion about the situation. I'd particularly like to here from yonger women who've dated and/or married older men and the older men who've experienced this.

 

Please be respectful I'm not here for an argument or insults but any honest and polite opinion (negative or positive) will be appreciated

[CaliGuy]

Age is a number, not a state of mind. The ex that brought me here was 8 years younger than me but acted like she was 16.

 

I've mostly been dating women in their early 20s lately (I'm 37). The current one I am seeing (not really dating but seeing) is 23 and she's very mature. My problem is I LOOK like I am in my mid 20s so it makes it hard to date someone my age because it doesn't look right.

 

Besides, women my age have been married with kids (No thanks, not for me) and I still have hobbies that most men my age don't participate in (like racing motorcycles, etc).

 

If you have a lot in common and she is mature for her age, I say go for it. Stop caring what OTHERS think about your age difference. That's between you and her only.

 

If there is one thing I have learned is NEVER ask my family/friends who I should or should not date. They are TERRIBLE at matchmaking

[scrybe74]

Age is a number, not a state of mind. The ex that brought me here was 8 years younger than me but acted like she was 16.

 

I've mostly been dating women in their early 20s lately (I'm 37). The current one I am seeing (not really dating but seeing) is 23 and she's very mature. My problem is I LOOK like I am in my mid 20s so it makes it hard to date someone my age because it doesn't look right.

 

Besides, women my age have been married with kids (No thanks, not for me) and I still have hobbies that most men my age don't participate in (like racing motorcycles, etc).

 

If you have a lot in common and she is mature for her age, I say go for it. Stop caring what OTHERS think about your age difference. That's between you and her only.

 

If there is one thing I have learned is NEVER ask my friends who I should or should not date. They are TERRIBLE at matchmaking

 

Thanks! You're right about the friends. Sometimes I let others influence my decisions too much. You made another good point about looking young. I'm often mistaken for 26-27 years old. It's weird. In my late teens people thought I was in my early 20's. Now it's reversed. I guess I just look the same as I did when I was about 25. People are genuinely surprised when I tell them that I'm 32.

 

Anyway...thanks for the input. That gives me something more to consider.

[scrybe74]

Age is a number, not a state of mind. The ex that brought me here was 8 years younger than me but acted like she was 16.

 

I've mostly been dating women in their early 20s lately (I'm 37). The current one I am seeing (not really dating but seeing) is 23 and she's very mature. My problem is I LOOK like I am in my mid 20s so it makes it hard to date someone my age because it doesn't look right.

 

Besides, women my age have been married with kids (No thanks, not for me) and I still have hobbies that most men my age don't participate in (like racing motorcycles, etc).

 

If you have a lot in common and she is mature for her age, I say go for it. Stop caring what OTHERS think about your age difference. That's between you and her only.

 

If there is one thing I have learned is NEVER ask my family/friends who I should or should not date. They are TERRIBLE at matchmaking

 

 

Wished I raced motorcycles....so freakin' cool.....

[CaliGuy]

Your welcome.

 

And not to go off topic, but racing is both expensive and dangerous. Just ask me. Last July I broke my collar bone and got a nasty concussion crashing in Turn 6 at 110mph at Willow Springs.

 

It happens. But, I wouldn't stop doing it. I love it too much.

 

Just do date who you want and ignore those trying to tell you how to live your life. It's YOURS to live, not theirs.

[ilmw]

Your welcome.

 

And not to go off topic, but racing is both expensive and dangerous. Just ask me. Last July I broke my collar bone and got a nasty concussion crashing in Turn 6 at 110mph at Willow Springs.

 

It happens. But, I wouldn't stop doing it. I love it too much.

 

Just do date who you want and ignore those trying to tell you how to live your life. It's YOURS to live, not theirs.

 

I second that....all in favor...say I....

[Guest]

I can totally relate, I'm 32 and look really young too. So I been kinda forced to dating girls under 23 or so.. like college age chicks..

 

I guess what it comes down to is whether they know enough to know that guys our age are different. If you do something characteristic of a 30+ year old, like maybe on a night out with her and her crazy friends you become the more mature responsible one, if she reacts all defensively toward that then that means she really doesn't want an older guy. She just wants "an older guy", but not a realistic older guy.

 

Well keep us updated..

[burning 4 revenge]

You're all a bunch of child molester pedophiles.

 

Seriously, I know what it is to have inappropriate feelings for a younger woman. It makes me feel uneasy and guilty though.

[IpAncA]

What about a 5 year difference. Is that ok?

[Greenfrog]

Women live longer than men, so Im all for chicks dating younger guys.

 

Ive noticed that all my friends who wanted to date much older guys either wanted to seem cooler and more mature than they really were or had daddy issues.

[scrybe74]

Thanks for the input people. Other opinions still welcome.

 

So I spoke to her on the phone briefly and we're going to meet for lunch this Sunday. I'm feeling a little more relaxed about it after finding similar threads on here about it. She' seems like a nice person but VERY busy with her church, family, school and work. In a way that might be a good thing. I've obviously have a busy life too so if she's the type that doesn't need constant in person attention this may work out. I doubt that I could see her every weekend if things pick up but I'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I'm getting a little more excited about the date now.

 

She mentioned that she likes penguins (her favorite animal) so I think I'll buy a little stuffed animal penguin to give her. What do you think?

[Greenfrog]

What about a 5 year difference. Is that ok?

If youre dating someone 25 and up 4-7 years is meaningless.

Its 10 years and up that gets strange.

[IpAncA]

If youre dating someone 25 and up 4-7 years is meaningless.

Its 10 years and up that gets strange.

Go good. I was just wondering. I'm 25 and he's 30.

 

Yeah that would be odd if I dated someone who is 35 or 40.

[CaliGuy]

She mentioned that she likes penguins (her favorite animal) so I think I'll buy a little stuffed animal penguin to give her. What do you think?

 

Dude, I have one request for you. Actually two.

 

1. Don't buy her ANYTHING yet.

2. Before you go on your date I want you to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover. You'll see how giving gifts, especially early in a relationship is a big time no no.

 

She only needs your TIME and ATTENTION, not gifts, to appreciate and accept who you are.

 

Trust me on this one.

[CaliGuy]

Go good. I was just wondering. I'm 25 and he's 30.

 

Yeah that would be odd if I dated someone who is 35 or 40.

 

I'm 37 seeing someone who is 23. It WOULD seem weird except I look 27 and she acts like she's in her 30s.

 

To the casual observer it might seem strange.

To my family they think it's weird.

My business partner thinks I am stupid.

My friends, they think I am "THE MAN" haha.

 

Funny thing, I don't give a rats arse what anyone else thinks

[burning 4 revenge]

I'm 37 seeing someone who is 23. It WOULD seem weird except I look 27 and she acts like she's in her 30s.

 

To the casual observer it might seem strange.

To my family they think it's weird.

My business partner thinks I am stupid.

My friends, they think I am "THE MAN" haha.

 

Funny thing, I don't give a rats arse what anyone else thinks

Everyone justifies it in their mind by saying they look younger.

 

The truth is you're the Bill Murray to her Scarlet Johanensenn in your own private little Lost in Translation and it will never work in the long run.

 

It works much better when the man is younger, trust me.

[IpAncA]

I'm 37 seeing someone who is 23. It WOULD seem weird except I look 27 and she acts like she's in her 30s.

 

To the casual observer it might seem strange.

To my family they think it's weird.

My business partner thinks I am stupid.

My friends, they think I am "THE MAN" haha.

 

Funny thing, I don't give a rats arse what anyone else thinks

Well there ya go. If your both fine with it, then ok. But that would seem werid if you looked your age.

[scrybe74]

Dude, I have one request for you. Actually two.

 

1. Don't buy her ANYTHING yet.

2. Before you go on your date I want you to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover. You'll see how giving gifts, especially early in a relationship is a big time no no.

 

She only needs your TIME and ATTENTION, not gifts, to appreciate and accept who you are.

 

Trust me on this one.

 

It's not my style to buy gifts for women that I'm not in a relationship with. It's just that on at least half of my first dates a woman would show up with a gift for me. I thought it odd especially if there was no second date (which was often the case). I figured that I was making some sort of social mistake by not showing up with a small token. My instincts are to not buy a gift right now as you suggested. Any input from the ladies on this?

[scrybe74]

Everyone justifies it in their mind by saying they look younger.

 

The truth is you're the Bill Murray to her Scarlet Johanensenn in your own private little Lost in Translation and it will never work in the long run.

 

It works much better when the man is younger, trust me.

 

Why do you insist that it will NEVER work in the long run based simply on age differences? Do you think the rate of relationship failure is higher when a couple is more than 5-6 years apart compared to other demographics? I know of two couples at my job with a 12 year gap. 1 couple divorced and the other is going strong. She just turned 50 and he's like 63 or something.

[CaliGuy]

Everyone justifies it in their mind by saying they look younger.

 

The truth is you're the Bill Murray to her Scarlet Johanensenn in your own private little Lost in Translation and it will never work in the long run.

 

It works much better when the man is younger, trust me.

 

I'm not just SAYING I look younger...I actually DO.

 

Hmm, I have friends that are married. Two couples actually.

 

Him: 35

Her: 22

 

Him: 36

Her: 24

 

Shrug. It's working for them, they are married. Second couple is expecting their first child.

 

I'm not one to let society decide what is best for me or my date. Granted, I would never date someone under age, but you get my drift.

 

I guess when I was 19 dating a 40 year old you would disagree with that as well? I dated her for 2 years and at that time, I wasn't looking to get married. No, it didn't work but hey, we had fun

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

You have a good chance at this working out. However, don't trip over your own shoe laces here.

She mentioned that she likes penguins (her favorite animal) so I think I'll buy a little stuffed animal penguin to give her. What do you think?

I believe you ~ shouldn't ~ buy her anything, just yet. It is too early. Don't smoother her.

 

Talk to her about penguins, if you like. Make it fun, by saying funny/silly things concerning penguins -if it is in your blood to humour her.

 

The age difference isn't all that bad. I believe, she is just dating you for the enjoyment it brings and nothing more. Don't expect serious relationship talk in at least another 6-7 months.

 

Question: Has she met your son?

 

The one sure-fire way to know if she'll truly be able to handle the situation [single parent] is IF you introduce your son [later on] and observe her actions/behaviour with him.

 

It is a window into her personal being.

 

Just a few thoughts. Do post an update.

Sand&Water

[burning 4 revenge]

Talk to her about penguins, if you like. Make it fun, by saying funny/silly things concerning penguins

i have done this with every woman i have ever known and yet i still live alone

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

i have done this with every woman i have ever known and yet i still live alone

Oh really. Poor, Burning.

 

I suppose you've just been meeting the wrong women.

 

There are plenty of women who can share DreamLand with you.

 

Creative imagination is sexy, IMO.

 

Sand&Water

[electric_sheep]

I'm 36 and my girlfriend is 21.

We've been dating for about a year and a half now.

 

Honestly, we completely forget about the age difference until somebody else reminds us, then we're like, "ohh yeah... forgot about that".

 

It was more an issue in the first couple of months, when we were getting to know each other and our friends and family. Nobody even thinks twice about it now.

I think her dad is actually happy about it, because he knows I'm not doing a lot of the stupid stuff a typical 21 year old guy would be doing.

[blind_otter]

So I'd like your opinion about the situation. I'd particularly like to here from yonger women who've dated and/or married older men and the older men who've experienced this.

 

Please be respectful I'm not here for an argument or insults but any honest and polite opinion (negative or positive) will be appreciated

 

I didn't read the whole thread, but I'm in a LTR with a man who is almost 10 years my senior and it works out ok, but I'm 27, I've graduated college and I've been married before. I dunno.

 

My parents were 22 years apart, but the same thing about similar life experience. My mother finished secondary school and was supporting her family by the time she was 16, and experienced some intense **** in Saigon during the war, so she and my Dad seemed really similar.

 

I'd say, if you have similar life experiences, as with any relationship, things should be fine. Just give it a chance.