bchlvr Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 How are you coping with the upcoming holidays? How are you managing with the grief and loss and a whole host of other emotions at this time of year? I myself am feeling pretty blue. This was the season when my ex and I got together in the first place. It's hard not to wonder what she's up to.... I've decided that no matter how down I feel, I can use my energies to lift another's spirit. So, the best way for me is to do some volunteer work and in my town, there is no shortage of people to feed and toys to be wrapped.
Jane Doe Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 You've got the right idea! Keeping busy is a must. I know we all think we have it the worst but you don't have to look to far to see someone who's far worse off than you. I know it's a silly cliche, but be grateful you have good health and the ability to go out and help others. There's millions who can't. I'm staying far away from any holiday music. It's just too depressing for me. I'm managing by keeping busy and trying to go about my normal routine as much as possible. I have no family to spend the holidays with but I try to remember that even if I weren't estranged from them they aren't people I'd want to be around anyway. This too shall pass!
snowdiamond Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 You all are right. When you think about it, there are so many people that have nothing and helping someone less fortunate can definitely help, not just that person you're helping, but you also. It's a huge spirit lifter! Even with that, I'm just coping like Jane Doe is. I'm staying away from holiday music as much as possible and doing my normal day to day activities. You're right, Jane, this too shall pass!
CaliGuy Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 How are you coping with the upcoming holidays? How are you managing with the grief and loss and a whole host of other emotions at this time of year? Umm, I'm dating, racing, snowboarding, hitting the movies, hanging out with friends, diving into new hobbies and basically keeping busy. I'm hanging up my lights and tree tonight Life is good! I myself am feeling pretty blue. This was the season when my ex and I got together in the first place. It's hard not to wonder what she's up to.... You have a choice to make. Live your life looking at the rear view mirror or focusing on the here and now. Regrets of the past cause anxiety and fear. Neither are beneficial to you. I know it's easy to say "Get over it" but really, the past is the past. You can't change it and living IN the past will just ruin your present and future. I've decided that no matter how down I feel, I can use my energies to lift another's spirit. So, the best way for me is to do some volunteer work and in my town, there is no shortage of people to feed and toys to be wrapped. That is an excellent idea. Fill your life with fun, hobbies, friends, the gym and self-improvement. Life does get better but ONLY when we decide to take the reins and leave the past behind.
Author bchlvr Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 Thank you all for your thoughtful posts. You have reminded us to keep things in perspective...try to have a normal routine, avoid the things that depress you, and focus on the present instead of dwelling on the past.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Umm, I'm dating, racing, snowboarding, hitting the movies, hanging out with friends, diving into new hobbies and basically keeping busy. I'm hanging up my lights and tree tonight Life is good! You have a choice to make. Live your life looking at the rear view mirror or focusing on the here and now. Regrets of the past cause anxiety and fear. Neither are beneficial to you. I know it's easy to say "Get over it" but really, the past is the past. You can't change it and living IN the past will just ruin your present and future. That is an excellent idea. Fill your life with fun, hobbies, friends, the gym and self-improvement. Life does get better but ONLY when we decide to take the reins and leave the past behind. I agree, these kind of reminders do wonders for me.
PWSX3 Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I'm staying far away from any holiday music. It's just too depressing for me. I am very sorry to hear this. I look at it as you make the holidays what you want them to be (Thanks Dgiirl). In the past I used to blame my W for my laziness, not getting the tree out, not getting the lights out, etc. and guess what, this year I have a tree up, I have lights outside and I'm going to enjoy the holidays because "I" want to. I love to listen to the holiday music because this is the only time in the year you can listen to it until you get sick of hearing it because you won't have to do it for another year. I was listening to the radio in my car and I started to just listen to the words of one of the songs & it reminded me why we are celabrating the holidays? If you start looking at it we are very lucky just to be able to celebrate it because there are many people that aren't so lucky. Sure it might remind you of what happened in the past but just think of what it can mean to you know and in the future, just listen to the words. The day after Thanksgiving I went to the store to look for lights and there was an older man trying to figure out how to get the right amount of lights for his trees. His trees were either to big or the strings of lights were to short so I helped him figure it out and we talked about his trees and how big of a yard he had and when he finally figured it out they didn't have the mutli colored that he wanted, so I started looking down on the bottom shelf WAY in the back and sure enough I found 3 packages for the gentleman. He was so happy that I was able to find them for him after all his work of figuring out what would work. He was very grateful and I was proud of myself for being able to help someone have a better Christmas.... It doesn't take much to make a difference in someones life so you never know when you might be able to make someones day. When you pass a stranger on the street make sure and tell them have a happy holiday, or Merry Christmas, or just say Hi you will be surprised how people will respond. Now go out enjoy the holidays because "YOU" want to not because you have to......
PWSX3 Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 This morning I was reading a couple adds I got in the mail yesterday and on the back of a computer add at the bottom they said it all.... THE BEST GIFT OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS CHOICE I know want the meant was choice a computer but you can choice a lot more then just that.
Jane Doe Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 PWSX3, thanks for that reminder. I needed that today.
Author bchlvr Posted December 8, 2006 Author Posted December 8, 2006 "The best holiday gift of the season is choice." Perhaps for some the choice to refrain from exposing oneself to certain aspects of the holiday season (music, parties, shopping etc.)that conjure up pain, is an empowering gift they give to themselves this year. I think it's important to honor one's limits at such a charged season of the year.
Teacher's Pet Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 I'm having it a little rough these days... My 1 year anniversary with my ex would be this coming Sunday.. Needless to say, we spent the holidays together last year, and made it very romantic... at the time, it felt like my life was finally complete....but then she dumped me in June and it all fell to pieces..... So, now, here we are, a year later, and I'm just wondering where all the love went......my ex was just a friend until the day we became a couple, which turned out to be the day after my company's holiday party. I just got back from this year's party a little while ago, so it's like tomorrow we should be "hooking up" all over again... ....but of course, it's not going to happen. But how am I coping? GREAT friends. New possibilities. And tonight, someone called me "hot". That is an absolute FIRST in my life. I don't believe her for a minute, but it felt so good. -tp hot. or not?
Rooster_DAR Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Screw the holidays, and screw my ex. Personally, I like the screwge, he is admirable to me a this point. Have a nice day!
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