thatsme123 Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 The last time I saw my ex-boyfriend was in April of 2005. We have had a few brief conversations over AIM a few times since, but none of them ended well, and now it has been 8 months since I have last talked to him. He was my first boyfriend, my first love (the same on his part as well). I know that everyone goes through the whole first break-up thing and it's hard, but seriously, this is ridiculous. So much time has gone by since I've last seen him, yet it's like he's always in my head. With time, I have healed a LOT. I don't really dream about him anymore, and when I do, I'm usually not affected by it. In my heart, I FEEL like I'm over him, yet I obsessively check his Facebook profile (through my friend's name...he and I aren't even friends on Facebook!) and of course I check his away messages. So how come I feel like I'm over him...but clearly I'm not? I know that I'm latching on to his memory because I haven't had anyone since him, and I'm very lonely. Life isn't bad...I'm doing very well in college, I have a few good friends, and I really don't have much to complain about. It's this one little pest that won't go away...every night I fight the temptation to e-mail him, or even call him (although that wouldn't go over very well, I know). He's an immature loser and nothing would ever be able to work out between us. So how can I stop thinking about him and finally let go?
ThatAin'tRight Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 If you really want to get over him, then first stop checking his facebook. That constant reminder shows that you are not over him. The rest of it is about becoming selfish and doing things that make you feel better about yourself. Loneliness si easily cured...get off of your butt and meet new people, join some clubs, anything at all.
bchlvr Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I'd like to respond, but first, can you say a few words about how the relationship ended and how long you two were together?
Giver Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 I feel your pain. I broke up with my first love about 5 months ago and have been an absolute mess. I only started NC about a week ago and hope that I can last as long as you I would say definately stop looking at his photo book page. I have this same problem with looking at my ex's my space page but whenever I feel the urge now I come here and it seems to be working so far. Definately go out and meet new people, whenever you feel lonely or feel like you want to contact him call one of your friends, or go for a walk. Although I don't want to be with him anymore (he is seeing someone else and has put me through hell these past few months) I still miss him and think about him, he was such a huge part of my life and of course that's going to be hard to forget. But I am at the point where I am open to seeing other people and I think that's what you should do too. You need something new to think about, and once you find someone else I don't think that he will be popping into your head quite as much as you'll have a new man to think about
fjk82 Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 What you are feeling is very normal..Its hard for us to understand how we were so close with someone and there was so much love there for one another and then 1 day you have nothing to do with one another. That is very hard to except..I was with my X for 4yrs and I broke up with him in April and he STILL wont talk to me. Even though I broke up with him..And regreat it..Hes on my mind all of the time..Its hard to think this person isn't n ur life anymore ..it will get better..im hoping it will too! just try to stay busy..go to the gym..go out with the girls..read books..its hard..but hopefully time will heal out wounds...keep ur head up..
aquadeasiac Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 I'm sorry that I can't help you out here, but I gotta say I'm sort of in your shoes. It's been 6 months of being broken up with my first love and 5 months of n/c. and the whole "He's an immature loser" part, I can seriously relate to. I suggest for you to stop checking his facebook. I'm done with checking my ex's myspace and I haven't done so in a few months. :] I've also been avoiding mutual friends and it has been hard, but I'm a lot happier not hearing him. I do think about him still, honestly a little too much every day, but I think having someone new to be interested in keeps your mind off your ex for a while. Who knows when we'll get over those losers hmm? :] GOod luck to you.
Guest Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 i am doing everything i possibly can to end a similar battle, but, i keep running up against the fact i continue to torture myself because of how she sees me, and what she writes. i have done the best i can. what can i do that i haven't yet? i know that all i need is a letter or a voice message from her saying that she doesn't see me as some horrible monster and that she understands i did my best. is that asking to much? i would never reply or contact her again. i just need forgiveness. i would appreciate your advice. gord
CrossRhodes Posted December 8, 2006 Posted December 8, 2006 Thatsme123 (and others): I just wanted to show my support for you first-lovers and commiserate because I went through a horrible one the first time around. I fell hard for my first love - I was 17, she was 15. I thought she was the prettiest girl in the world, and I had her way up on a pedestal. For a while, things were great, but the last couple of years sucked. We almost got married but I broke her trust (took money from the joint bank account) and she ended it. I took it really badly. I was an emotional wreck for years, and even though I found a new love, the memory of my first perfect love haunted my new relationship and (eventually) marriage. I never heard from my first girl ever again, and it's coming up to 20 years. I stopped pining for her a long time ago. but I hate thinking of the chaos I allowed to occur in my life because I hung onto a silly idea. As I wrote in another thread, we need to forgive ourselves and also forgive our partners. Then we can move on and love again. If we don't do this, we only deny ourselves.
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