peacelove Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Is it the kind of headache you get from alotta good lovin' from your honey?
Author yousaveme Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 are these men married cheaters you are talking with? How many admittedly mm who cheat do you know? I don't know any because they are not going to be upfront about it. What good is their opinion if they aren't mm with ow's who were caught? They couldn't possibly know what they would do. Just like every married person said if they caught their spouse cheating that would be the end and when it happens to them it is not. He is kissing his wifes butt right now thinking his wife would never possibly think he would still be cheating since they just had it out over it. Safest time to continue probably. Today I talked to two men. Both married. One just found out about my situtation. The other doesnt. Both said one common thing. If your happy your not looking elsewhere for anything. They both also said if you get caught there would be along time before you could ever feel safe about doing it again. That the wife would look for the signs. They both also said if someone would risk it a second time with the same person and never really stopped then there is more to the relationship then just a bonus prize. The one has kids and also said IF YOUR A TRUE PARENT THERE IS NOTHING YOU WOULDNT DO FOR YOUR KIDS. EVEN IF THAT MEANS SACRIFING YOUR HAPPINESS.
Author yousaveme Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 Is it the kind of headache you get from alotta good lovin' from your honey? ' Nah, just tired of drama....
pureinheart Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 former MM was caught several times ....he told me he would wait till the dust settles and do what he was doing before....I think some of them just have problems and are in need of professional help
desperate4change Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 YSM sounds like you're really thinking about alot of issues.. here's my take for what it's worth.. Setting it straight -- this does not apply to cakemen If he's clear about not leaving, whatever reasons he may give, he may not be lying to the OW when he says he loves her. We have to remember there are different types of love we feel. And maybe MM hasn't been in this type of situation before and the emotion he feels is real, he does care -- for the OW, her well being and the connection that he's made with her. MM can love the OW and remain with the W and children for different reasons -- emotional, financial, social -- and loving the W on a different level (that's taken years to develop). I come to that conclusion after thinking about good friends that I have had over the years -- I do love them, care about their well being and best friends I've made that connection with... like I've never made with anyone else before. Men in general don't really have the opportunity to make those same connections with multiple people in their lifetimes -- and MM, even more so. And the ones they have made, generally, aren't sustainable over long periods of time.. This is probably due to social norms and the way males are socialized to behave (not having best friends to share secrets with). So why wouldn't they equate it with "love" the same as women do? The OW has to make the determination if she is willing to accept that it is possible this is where the relationship stays -- the old adage, "it is what it is", is very appropriate here. Is the OW willing to respect the boundaries and the fact that they are probably not going to change -- there's probably not going to be a divorce planned for his future, unless the W makes the plans The questions are: what are his priorities, where does the OW fall on that list, and is the OW ready to respect that and accept that the his level of "love" and priorities may, at some point, just not be enough to maintain the relationship? I'm struggling with this now and my MM of 4 years.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 7, 2006 Posted December 7, 2006 YSM: One can never really know what another is thinking, planning, doing...but you have an idea...what you believe is what's important here...You two have been through alot together and you're the one who knows him... I know that you are probably looking for reassurance, cuz we all need it sometimes...but you already know that he loves you...
Author yousaveme Posted December 7, 2006 Author Posted December 7, 2006 YSM: One can never really know what another is thinking, planning, doing...but you have an idea...what you believe is what's important here...You two have been through alot together and you're the one who knows him... I know that you are probably looking for reassurance, cuz we all need it sometimes...but you already know that he loves you... Thank you.....Read your PM
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