yousaveme Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 This is just a topic I got somewhat confused about. The MM gets caught and admits the A to the W. The W and MM decide to stay together for the kids. And the MM then tries and eventually gets back with the OW. So the MM is lieing to the OW? Or could it be that the MM does love the OW but torn for the sake of his kids? I just dont see things being so cut and dry that the MM only goes back and tries to work things out with the OW just to have his cake. I have talked to other guys about this. And alot of guys have told me that the MM must really love the OW. Because if he really loved his W he would be making up at home and never give the OW a second thought. I have been told that it rare for a MM to go back to the OW who he got caught with and especially so quickly after unless there is more than just a good time.
Freedom Now Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 When my MM's wife found a text message from me, he denied everything. He didn't admit to the affair. He admitted to having simply a friendship with me. She, however, believes (rightly so) differently. But, she cannot find proof. And up until I stopped contact with him, she was diligently trying to assuage her gut instincts about me. So, he decided to stay, obviously. But she understands our relationship to be simply a friendship that got too close. Starting after a few weeks after D-day, he started contacting me again. He tried to get me to fly to see him "one last time." He emailed me, called me, etc. And I saw very little in his contact with me that would indicate that he was diligently trying to work on his marriage. Quite the contrary. Oh, I got the song and dance that he was staying for his ministry, his reputation, his kids....whatever. Words, just words. And I can see right through them now. It appeared to me that he didn't seem too terribly concerned that his wife would potentially find him out. So, therefore, I have no answers. Does he care for me? Probably. He had to, I would imagine, to risk another D-day to talk to me or see me. I, however, knew that if she found out about us again, I would be thrown in front of the bus. He did it once before and I know he would have done it again. I have no insight into the MM's mind, but I do know that he is one messed up guy. She can have him.
herenow Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 This is just a topic I got somewhat confused about. The MM gets caught and admits the A to the W. The W and MM decide to stay together for the kids. And the MM then tries and eventually gets back with the OW. So the MM is lieing to the OW? Or could it be that the MM does love the OW but torn for the sake of his kids? I just dont see things being so cut and dry that the MM only goes back and tries to work things out with the OW just to have his cake. I have talked to other guys about this. And alot of guys have told me that the MM must really love the OW. Because if he really loved his W he would be making up at home and never give the OW a second thought. I have been told that it rare for a MM to go back to the OW who he got caught with and especially so quickly after unless there is more than just a good time. To know the answer to this, you would need to know why the MM had the affair in the first place. I'm sure you have read about the diffrent types of affairs and how it relates to what the MM is getting from the OW. If this was an exit affair, he would have left. So we know that he is in another category. If you can figure the why, you will have a better idea of what's next. From what I read here it's very common for a MM to go back to the same OW as soon as he feels that the dust has settled with his wife. Some here have called it an addiction. Until a MM is forced to face actual consequences, he will continue his selfish ways.
lovelorcet Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 The MM is just very selfish. Yes, this explains just about everything... Most OW just do not want to see this...
Freedom Now Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 But eventually, I would hope, that they will see it. If the relationship is hurting them, it isn't good for them. And a man who truly, truly loves a woman would not put her through that type of pain. At least that is MY opinion.
herenow Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 But eventually, I would hope, that they will see it. If the relationship is hurting them, it isn't good for them. And a man who truly, truly loves a woman would not put her through that type of pain. At least that is MY opinion. I agree that you don't intentionally cause pain to someone you love. So, that would mean that the MM only loves himself. He is the cause of pain for both his wife and the OW. That in itself should tell anyone that he is selfish.
Freedom Now Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 True that. That is so, so true. I hope they realize what they have done. That is my Christmas wish. For these MM to truly realize what they have done to ALL of us who are or have been hurt.
herenow Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 True that. That is so, so true. I hope they realize what they have done. That is my Christmas wish. For these MM to truly realize what they have done to ALL of us who are or have been hurt. My Christmas wish it that we take the power away from them to ever hurt us or others again. The only way they will realize what they have done is if they actually face the consequences of their actions.
Freedom Now Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Absolutely. We are on the same page. MY MM has suffered the consequences on my end. He no longer has the power over me. He is out of my life. His wife? Don't know if he has suffered the consequences with her. But, with me, he has been shut down. Forever and ever. Amen.
herenow Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I'm writing a speech today for a charity luncheon. Part of it is about how humans have the unique ability to prevent destruction. Unlike the animal kingdom that only works on instinct, we can actually stop something in it's tracks. We have this power as individuals and as humans as a whole. We should all us it. We know in our hearts what is good for us and what is bad. If we choose to go down the path that will hurt us, we can only hope to learn and not take that path again.
Freedom Now Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 From Robert Frost: I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I? I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference. "A Road Not Taken"
herenow Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Absolutely. We are on the same page. MY MM has suffered the consequences on my end. He no longer has the power over me. He is out of my life. His wife? Don't know if he has suffered the consequences with her. But, with me, he has been shut down. Forever and ever. Amen. Merry Christmas Freedom Now, you have given yourself a gift!
herenow Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 From Robert Frost: I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I? I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference. "A Road Not Taken" I use Robert Frost quotes in my speeches sometimes. He was a very wise man.
Freedom Now Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 A gift that came at a high price, but a gift, nevertheless. And since I paid such a high price for it, I will cherish it. For it didn't come cheap. Thank you, thank you. I am truly free.
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 This is just a topic I got somewhat confused about. The MM gets caught and admits the A to the W. The W and MM decide to stay together for the kids. And the MM then tries and eventually gets back with the OW. So the MM is lieing to the OW? Or could it be that the MM does love the OW but torn for the sake of his kids? I just dont see things being so cut and dry that the MM only goes back and tries to work things out with the OW just to have his cake. I have talked to other guys about this. And alot of guys have told me that the MM must really love the OW. Because if he really loved his W he would be making up at home and never give the OW a second thought. I have been told that it rare for a MM to go back to the OW who he got caught with and especially so quickly after unless there is more than just a good time. MM is selfish, and also has gotten used to having two women in his life. He needs both for various reasons, so if his marriage ends or he loses his OW, life is harder for him. Most men on a good day don't like change. So, it sounds like your MM has gotten used to a certain way of living.
Author yousaveme Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 MM is selfish, and also has gotten used to having two women in his life. He needs both for various reasons, so if his marriage ends or he loses his OW, life is harder for him. Most men on a good day don't like change. So, it sounds like your MM has gotten used to a certain way of living. I talked to alot of different guys about this. I really wasnt looking at my situtation really since things are a bit different. But from what i have been gathering once they are caught they dont just go back to cheating right away or with the same one. If they really love the W.
noforgiveness Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I talked to alot of different guys about this. I really wasnt looking at my situtation really since things are a bit different. But from what i have been gathering once they are caught they dont just go back to cheating right away or with the same one. If they really love the W. are these men married cheaters you are talking with? How many admittedly mm who cheat do you know? I don't know any because they are not going to be upfront about it. What good is their opinion if they aren't mm with ow's who were caught? They couldn't possibly know what they would do. Just like every married person said if they caught their spouse cheating that would be the end and when it happens to them it is not. He is kissing his wifes butt right now thinking his wife would never possibly think he would still be cheating since they just had it out over it. Safest time to continue probably.
peacelove Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Yousaveme, You should have your man post a reply to this thread. Peace
noforgiveness Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Yousaveme, You should have your man post a reply to this thread. Peace yes invite him here. We'll interrogate him and make him question what he is doing to his kids and wife and YOU. You've been nothing but complimentary on here to him so i can't think of anything you've said that you don't want him to read.
Author yousaveme Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 Yousaveme, You should have your man post a reply to this thread. Peace What do you need to know?
peacelove Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Noforgiveness, I imagine, would have some questions for him.
Author yousaveme Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 Noforgiveness, I imagine, would have some questions for him. Well , I guess that will have to wait for another time. He left....
peacelove Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Aw. I was looking for some excitement here on LS.
Author yousaveme Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 Aw. I was looking for some excitement here on LS. There was enough here. My head is killing me....
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