is bf bi?

[lilly36]

Recently I noticed by BF has been looking on a m4m section of a personals site, mostly at ads that say "discreet bi male looking for bud" type ads. He has never mentioned a bi fantasy or that he is interested in men. Should I confront him? Does bi stay bi or does it usually end up as gay?

Help!

 

Also, I posted this same thing under guest, so sorry for the double post.

[ShoeGirl]

If I were you I would confront him, you deserve to know what he is up to, especially if he is cheating on you.

 

I was in the same position as you a few months ago. When I confronted my (now ex) bf back in May he swore nothing was going on, but as time went by there were more and more signs (text messages from random numbers, myspace messages, his story of what he was doing changed all the time, etc) and finally a friend of his mentioned something about him being bi when she was drunk one night. We broke up a little over a month ago and now it seems like he is gay, he is hooking up with anyone and everyone, so I am glad I am out of it. Apparently all it took to act like that was getting me out of the way.

 

here is the thread explaining what happened to me if you are interested http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t102414/

 

I am not saying that your bf is gay but there is a good chance that he is bi if he is looking at those ads, if he has gone to meet up with any guys he is putting you at risk for STD's.

 

Please be careful and go get tested even if he denys everything, have him get tested too for your own safety.

 

How long have you been together? Have you noticed any other strange behavior? How often does he look at these m4m dating sites? I am just curious, maybe I can give you more insight if I knew more...

 

Let me know if I can do anything

[burning 4 revenge]

There's no such thing as bi..... only gay and straight

[insomnie]

There's no such thing as bi..... only gay and straight

 

I don't know about that. I'd likelier agree with "there's no such thing as gay or straight...only bi".

[burning 4 revenge]

I don't know about that. I'd likelier agree with "there's no such thing as gay or straight...only bi".

I could only be with a man who looks and tastes like a woman

[jenniferlm]

Show him a playgirl magazine and tell him what you like and don't like about the men in there, and watch his reaction as he looks at them. Then tell him you've had fantasies of having a threesome with two men. Or that you wish you could put on a strap on sometimes during sex. lol.

A girl I worked with suspected her new bf was bi so this is what she did. And you know what? Once he thought she wasn't going to be mad at him for it and it turned her on, he admitted everything to her.

[skimmy]

There's no such thing as bi..... only gay and straight

 

Someone told me once that sexual preference is more on a scale than an either/or thing, like 1 being completely gay and 6 being completely straight, and a lot of people fall somewhere in between.

 

Either you're 1 or 6, because you don't seem like you're very open for other forms of sexual expression. I contest that there is such a thing as being bi. It's more accepted for women to be that way, and less for men, but it's there.

[lilly36]

I agree with skimmy that it is more acceptable for women to be bi. It just seems like with men, bi really means gay. He and I have a long history. Broke up, back together, sort of. ANyway, there has been some sex addiction issues, and I always wondered if he was "oversexed" towards women because seceretly he wanted to be with men. Recently, we've talked about fantasies, and he has mentioned being with another couple, but not with men specifically. I have asked what the man would be doing inn these scenarios (couple fantasies) and he always says that the guy would watch or be with me, never anyting to do with him.

More than anything, I just want him to be honest. It could be that he just looks at them for excitement, which is ok. Or he is curious enough to experiment, which I think is ok, but worry about my safety with STD's, etc, or he is really gay. Which is OK and I will definately remain his friend and support him. I just want to know.

And to clarify- he is an xBF where we really share a solid connection so we are sort of just dating each other, not in a committed relationship, but we definately talk about a relationship together when we are both ready. But it is these sorts of things that we need to be open and honest about for that to happen. Complicated, huh???!!!

 

Shoegirl- I don't know how long. We dated for a year, broke up, and recently got back together. He also looks at the w4m section too. (we are back together and "dating" for lack of a better term, but we both date other people as well.)

Given his history of possible sex addiction, I hate that he looks at those craigslist ads. It just makes it so easy for him to continue that behavior.

And I know some of you arer thinking- man this guy has way to many issues- dump him- but honestly, he is one of my best friends and we really share something special, and I guess more than anything I want to help him.

 

Sorry for the novel!!!

[ShoeGirl]

I am sure that you really care about him, and I also understand your curiosity of what he is doing or who he is seeing that you don't know about. But if you are having sex with him you deserve to know what he is up to, he deserves to know the same about you. If you are not honest about that much then both of you are putting yourselves at huge risk for STD's.

 

From my experience if he is looking at these ads regularly he is either acting on that desire (whether that is having sex with males or females or both) or he is pretty close to doing so. Sice you said he was looking at mostly ads that say to the effect of being discrete I would tend to think that he is acting on it. The best thing you can do is sit him down tell him what you know and tell him that you will support him no matter what he has done (if you can do that). If you can't support him if he is choosing the bi lifestyle then tell him that you deserve to know so that you don't continue to put yourself in danger or the STD's as well as more emotional harm.

 

If you have had sex with him please go get tested, and tell him that he should as well.

 

Good luck:)

[alphamale]

even people who are so-called "bisexual" always prefer one sex over the other when the dust settles.

[burning 4 revenge]

even people who are so-called "bisexual" always prefer one sex over the other when the dust settles.

Many of them are pretending to be something they are not, because they are bored.

 

And I'm sorry, but when it comes down to it, I think 99 percent of the people are really straight. I think there are a lot of people who've convinced themselves that they're gay.

 

I know I'll get flamed for this. How ironic.

[alphamale]

And I'm sorry, but when it comes down to it, I think 99 percent of the people are really straight. I think there are a lot of people who've convinced themselves that they're gay.

its cool to be gay now. in a few years when its cool to jump of 15 story buildings then some will be doing that.

 

I know I'll get flamed for this. How ironic.

don't bend over for the soap

[lilly36]

Thanks everyone for your input. I think that I am going to try and talk to him about it. Not sure when, maybe after the holidays. It's something that I think isn't going to go away until I ask him about it. Who knows what will happen. I will keep you all posted.

Happy Holidays.

[TYASAFAHICSI]

You could give him a pocket pu$$y and a dildo for christmas and see which one he likes better!

[Lostgurl]

You could give him a pocket pu$$y and a dildo for christmas and see which one he likes better!

 

:lmao: My guess is he'd play with them both... or make them play with eachother for kicks

[IpAncA]

Thanks everyone for your input. I think that I am going to try and talk to him about it. Not sure when, maybe after the holidays. It's something that I think isn't going to go away until I ask him about it. Who knows what will happen. I will keep you all posted.

Happy Holidays.

 

Have you seen him do this once or is it all the time because i've looked at those ads before just for kicks.

 

But do ask him if it's bothering you so much. Could turn out to be nothing. Who knows.

 

Good Luck!

[lilly36]

Well, I saw in the history where he was looking at them. Then I looked at "my computer" in the history, and it said "mail to ....."

so I think he actually replied to these ads (both to male and female).

And there are just some shady things. Like one time, I called him on a Saturday night. I had been on a date and he knew that. Anyway, I called him after I got home (it was a BAD date!), and he sounded so weird. He kept saying "I'm soooo glad I got to talk to you tonight".

He told me he had been at a hotel bar. I asked why he had gone to a hotel bar and he said something like I didn't want to go to any of these weird neighborhood bars around here. But the hotel he went to is no where near his house, there are so many between his house and where he went, I just found it shady that he went to that one, like he went there to meet someone. But then felt weird about it, which was why he was "soooo glad" to talk to me.

We do have a weird relationship, and I know that some of you are thinking, "well, you date other men, what do you care if he goes out with other people." The difference is that I go out on dates with other men on occasion. He goes out for random sexual enounters. He uses the internet to facilitate these. I think he has a problem, and as his friend and potential partner, I want to know what is going on.

 

COMPLICATED???!!!!!! :o

[Lostgurl]

We do have a weird relationship, and I know that some of you are thinking, "well, you date other men, what do you care if he goes out with other people." The difference is that I go out on dates with other men on occasion. He goes out for random sexual enounters. He uses the internet to facilitate these. I think he has a problem, and as his friend and potential partner, I want to know what is going on.

 

COMPLICATED???!!!!!! :o

 

Just a few questions, do you have sex with other men that you date?

 

I take it that your relatioinship is an open one, and you tell eachother about these encounters and dates? Are you concerned of that he's just seeing men or does him seeing other women bother you too?

 

Lost

[IpAncA]

We do have a weird relationship, and I know that some of you are thinking, "well, you date other men, what do you care if he goes out with other people." The difference is that I go out on dates with other men on occasion. He goes out for random sexual enounters. He uses the internet to facilitate these. I think he has a problem, and as his friend and potential partner, I want to know what is going on.

 

COMPLICATED???!!!!!! :o

 

Well regardless of what he's doing and your doing, your both seeing other people. Just because you date others sometimes doesnt' make what he's doing wrong or right. He's too is seeing others like you are. Are there any boundries??

 

I can understand that you are curious of what's going on. I would be too.

 

Sounds like he can do what he wants like you are but if your wondering if he is gay or not then I would find out for sure. Thats something worth knowing.

 

I guess I'm a little confused myself here. Have you talked about seeing others while dating or something?

 

Need some more info because it does sound like a open relationship but with no boundries.

[lilly36]

I don't think there is a term to call what we are. We were together, broke up, now we are basically back together but we are not officially, nor have we committed to just being with each other.

Lost- no, I don't sleep with the other men that I date.

Ipanca, I know it is complicated.

This is what we went thru when we dated before. We have all the aspects of being in a relationship- we talk on the phone everynight, see each other a couple limes a week (we don't live in the same town).

In the same breath, he will say "I'm just not ready to be in a relationship" then say "You have all the qualities of what I want in a relationship, I've never felt closer to you...". He visited a couple days ago, and when we talked on the phone later that night after he had gone back home, he says "I didn't want to leave, I was missing you before I left."

So last time we were together, I was totally monogamous and faithful, and thought based on the fact that he treated me like a GF, that he was too. But he wasn't, and I found out about it. I was so hurt. We didn't talk for a while, and slowly we started talking and hanging out again, and now we are right back where we were before we left. we spend holidays together, the whole nine yards..

But this time I vowed that I would not put myself in the situation to get hurt again, and that is why I go out on dates. I don't tell him when I go, but sometimes I think he knows because I will give vague answers about my plans. And I know he gets jealous.

My concern is that he is using the internet for random sexual encounters, and based on his history and that I feel he has a possible sex addiction problem, it is just not healthy. Also, it puts me at risk for STD's etc. And I would want to know if he is having sexual encounters with men. I think that is a big deal. Some people don't, but I do.

 

Sorry for the novella. Not sure this clears anything up, but hope it helps!

[IpAncA]

You need to talk with him and see where you both stand as of right now.

If he wants to be with you and you do him then you both need to set some boundries and abide by them.