StuckinaRut Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Hi. I'm new here. I just am having a very difficult time right now. Any advice would be helpful. I first slept with MM during a business trip last year. We were drunk and ended up together. I told him that night that we didn't have to do it again since he was married. We came back from the trip and continued to sleep together. We even got an apartment together that we could use to have our overnights. It was wonderful, we fell madly in love with each other. One thing that continued to bother me...was his wife. I dont know if he told me the truth but he continued to tell me that he loves me more than he could imagine love anyone. He cannot leave because he has young children. He and I both decided to leave the company we worked for and move to another city. He was on relo for 3 months so we had every day together and it was amazing. We really got to know each other. Then his wife and kids moved to the city. I knew it was going to be harder because we longer worked together. I was then offered a great job in another city and have since then moved. I haven't seen MM for over a month. He calls me everyday but obviously it is during particular times. I am stressed out at work and questioning this relationship. I wish I could walk away and not love him. I have tried to end it numerous times but he says we will be together in the future, he just doesn't know when. He is 9 years older than me and loves me. What do I do? How do I stop hating her? How do I go on in life without him?
GreenEyedLady Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 What do you think you should do? This is your choice... You will survive if you choose to leave him...and if you don't leave, there are the things that you have to accept in order to be an OW... Try not to hate the W...SHE didn't put you in this postion... Best of luck to you, I know it's complicated and hard...
pureinheart Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Hey Stuckinarut.... I also had many failed attempts having no contact with MM, but it finally happened and if I were to see him now, an accidental contact, he would be like any other person I would see. He still calls 30+ times a day, and have very good reason to believe he is following me....this isn't flattering, it pisses me off....how arrogant! If you are able, look at him objectively. Stand on the outside of your situation and see what it really is...a roller coaster? I wanted so badly to believe MM was for real, I mean he said and sometimes did all of the right things....the reality was W/MM/OW. If he were to become "free" would you really be happy with a man who cheated on his wife...now you are the wife, would he cheat on you too. If you can keep your focus on your job, that helped me a lot....I am so glad that he doesn't have a hold on your entire life, taking the new job in another city speaks volumns. He's a drug, go through the withdrawl....cold turkey is the only way to detox..... Please read some of the threads on this forum, it has helped me in ways that are indescribable....good luck to you!
Guest Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I am a W. And I can tell you that the MM will lie just to get what he wants. my H has told me he has said many things to the OW - whatever she wanted to hear. He had told her he was going to leave me many many times while she was crying in tears in his arms. He would hug her and tell her everything she wanted / needed to hear. She kept asking him when he was going to leave. There was always one excuse after another. You say his children are young, it will be that he wants to stay to hear their first words, he wants to stay to see them take the first step, he wants to stay because the wife is unstable / depressed, the next thing you know, he wants to stay to see his kids go to junior high / high school / college / get married / have kids.... and the next thing you know, you are an old woman without a man who can proudly call her own. I am not judding you. I just think you need actions / proof for him to back up what he is saying to you. I think if I was ever the other OW, I would have a talk with the wife. I wish the OW had called me, because I was *completely* blindsided by the A. He had been hiding it from me for well over a year.... how was I supposed to know? I don't live to snoop on my H. You are only getting the story through his eyes.... be aware....
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