bc10 Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Im just going to try and keep this short and reach for advice. For a few weeks I've been doing much better. Been seeing a girl, (altho I admit Im not that into her and still think of my ex) A few weeks ago my anger just built up and I went off on my ex, we said some insulting things to each other which ultimately cut ties until she IM'd me to tell me she got engaged and that I made her realize what her life needed. I had moved on, I thought of her but remained in a good mood. For whatever reason the past few days I've woken up and it feels like the first day after our breakup. Every second im awake I think of things I did wrong during the relationship. The kicker is, I KNOW i did alot of things right, but I cant think of a single thing. I know I said the things girls want to hear, I know I kissed her and held her and showed her affection, but for some reason I cant think of a specific thing or time when I did it? Is that normal? Ive been blaming myself for a few days even to the point I thought of emailing her and just apologizing for some of the mean things I said, so she at least dont go on with her life thinking im some scumbag. But the next minute I think I have nothing to apologize for. I feel horrible for the things I said to her, but at the time they were justified. I mean, she broke up with me, strung me along for a month by calling and texting, then told me she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, and gets engaged 4 weeks after that. Why should I feel bad for being mean to her??? I dont know but do. Is this normal, falling back into this mess for no reason. I mean today I've been going over in my mind how I felt bad that I never put a picture of us up from her friends wedding on myspace? How stupid is that? But for whatever reason I get that petty stuff in my head and I convince myself it was one of the things that drove her away. Stuff like there was a time she called me and I didn't call her back for hours. Just dumb stuff like that. I cant fall back into this rut, I just cant. Ive been depressed for days and we haven't spoken in weeks. It just all the sudden popped in my mind. Ive tried everything to move on. No contact, venting to her and making myself anger at her and not want her, and dating another girl. Apparently none of that has worked and if that doesn't, nothing will. I feel lost again
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