Well I'm a mess

[J80]

Ugh. This isn't something I thought I'd ever be going through again.

 

I've been with my girl for over 5 years(!), and we've lived together for just over 3 of those. She's taking graduate courses now and we were planning on waiting for her to finish to think about a house and marriage. I love this girl more than anything I've ever loved...and I've done some loving.

 

So last week she was spending a lot time at school with the semester coming to an end soon, and we would only see eachother at night and in the morning. She seemed fine, she'd kiss me and love me and leave me little notes on the door. Good times. So Friday night she's at a cast party for a play she's working on and she said she'd be home late...fine. She texts me at about 2:30 saying she'd be home the next afternoon, says she fell asleep and didn't feel like driving. I'm OK with that, I was worried, but I was OK. Saturday I spoke to her on the phone in the AM and she said that she was unhappy with "US". Said she was having a lot of fun with her friends and that we weren't having very much fun together, and that she was bored and unhappy.

 

She comes Saturday night to get her things and go sleep on her friend's couch. I'm a mess. We've talked a few times and she says she still loves me and cares about me. She wants me to have fun and enjoy life on my own...and she wants to do the same. She says she just needs to be "alone". I know school is stressing her out and I'm a lot to deal with on top of that...so I can kind of understand. Now she says that maybe if I can find some enjoyment in life and learn to be happy without her then we could be friends and maybe get back together. I know it's stupid to have hope...but it makes me feel better. She said that she's not saying she WILL be with me again, just that it's not out of the question if I can learn to enjoy life.

 

You have to understand our days were mainly: me-work, her-school, me-couch, her-homework. Weekends were maybe dinner and a movie...nothing new. I can say that I would LIKE to be more fun and more outgoing, I WANT to do more new things. Now I feel like my life is a wreak because I don't have her to be with me anymore. I guess that's the point though. I need to realize that I don't NEED her...I just WANT her. Maybe then I can treat her how she deserves to be treated.

 

Wow...that's long. And that was my "short" version. Thanks a lot if you read that all. I feel very vulnerable because of this, and my days are mainly filled with crying and no food. I cry every time I see a thing that she touched once...you know? If I was to rid my life of things that remind me of her, I'd have to go naked and live on the street (maybe I'd pick up some freaky ladies ). I just need to keep my mind busy, and hope that she can remember that her classmates are a good 4 years younger than us. Of COURSE they're going to be more fun, though I know that doesn't mean we shouldn't be having more fun. I think maybe she's just stressed a lot, and maybe just needs to feel like a college student instead of someone's EVERYTHING. Understand?

 

Wow, too much crap. Thanks again. Oh, I'm new by the way. Blah.

[notmakingsense]

Ironically enough, she's actually giving you great advice. Go off and try to figure out how to have your own life and happiness without "needing" a girlfriend. Hobbies, friends, family -- lots of stuff outside of work, school, and *her*.

 

Life really sucks right now, and you can barely function -- I know, I've been there. Time does heal all, and soon you will be getting bored of sitting around and crying. When that happens, do everything humanly possible to go out and have fun -- or at least fake that you are having fun until you start feeling it! Reconnect with your old buddies, rediscover any passions you have, and.... when you are up to it, date, date, date, and date some more! All of the above will re-build your self-esteem and confidence.

 

In the mean time - DO NOT CONTACT your ex! You need to heal now, and anything short of her proposing marriage will not help you now. It is way too difficult to heal yourself while being reminded of her.

 

Down the road, when you are learning how to be happy again without her, that's probably when she'll come sniffing around -- but at that point, you will have a clear head and mind -- and may not even want her any more!

[J80]

I do know that it's good advice, but it doesn't make it much easier for me. 5 years is a lot time to get used to a way of living, now I'm all alone and it sucks. I'm sleeping alone and watching TV alone, I don't even have a reason to go out to eat or anyone to watch a movie with. I have friends I go out with, but most of them have girlfriends. It's just very hard to go home and not see her there, not have a kiss waiting for me.

 

I know I shouldn't talk to her, but that's very hard. She's my best friend in the world and the only person that knows me well enough to really feel what I'm going through. She KNOWS how much I'm hurting and she feels bad about it. There's no bad blood here. She just knows that we'll never be truly happy together if we don't fix these things.

 

Maybe we won't be together again, I don't know. But I know I have make an effort to be happy again and have a nice life either way. It's just hard to think about a nice life without her right now.

 

I can't sleep more than a few hours at a time, and when I wake up I cry. When I get home, I cry. I go to bed I cry. I watch TV I cry. It really sucks. The bed feels so empty without her. She was such a big part of my life.

 

Thanks very much for the kind words. I need to start finding something to do to make myself feel better. I'm just too sad to function.

[notmakingsense]

Dude, I have totally been where you are right now. Just remember these simple arguments for not contacting her:

 

* You'll be reminded of what you are missing

 

* She'll be reminded of what the problems are

 

* She'll know that you can't deal with life without her

 

* You may end up finding something out that you *don't* want to know!

 

Over time, as the days without contact continue, you will begin to feel some power return to you. If she was that close to you, she'll start to wonder about YOU. If you have the balls to not return her calls right away, she'll *really* start to wonder about you and start thinking: "hmmmm, just maybe he can function without me!" I know it sounds funny, but this will help you re-build your self-esteem. Build up enough strength to actually decline contact when she inevitably wants to figure out what is going on. Then, when you've made it hard enough, agree to contact but DON'T act like a rejected bf, act like a person who has a decent life without her, and let her be the one that re-kindles things -- if you want it at that point!

 

On your friends -- even if they have gf's, go out with them anyway in a group setting, or try to get the guys out alone once in a while. Male bonding is totally theraputic at times like this. And remember, that their gf's are potential introductions to your next date!

 

Ok, back to the one-step-at-a-time thing. For now, do whatever it takes to get your ass out of the house. Go for a run, go to the gym, see a movie, whatever -- just get out. Have your dinner tonight at a bar playing a sports game on TV. Nobody cares if you are alone, and eventually you'll have to talk to real people. It will make you feel better!

[J80]

I totally hear what you're saying. I know it's best not to talk to her. It's just very hard to do. I want to hear her voice so bad.

 

The reasons to not contact her are good ones. I just need to remember that it's for the best.

[J80]

Well, I'm at home alone crying. I just can't work up the energy to DO anything.

 

I'm really feeling sick and alone. I don't feel like I have much to look forward to.

[chicsurfs]

Ugh. This isn't something I thought I'd ever be going through again.

 

I've been with my girl for over 5 years(!), and we've lived together for just over 3 of those. She's taking graduate courses now and we were planning on waiting for her to finish to think about a house and marriage. I love this girl more than anything I've ever loved...and I've done some loving.

 

So last week she was spending a lot time at school with the semester coming to an end soon, and we would only see eachother at night and in the morning. She seemed fine, she'd kiss me and love me and leave me little notes on the door. Good times. So Friday night she's at a cast party for a play she's working on and she said she'd be home late...fine. She texts me at about 2:30 saying she'd be home the next afternoon, says she fell asleep and didn't feel like driving. I'm OK with that, I was worried, but I was OK. Saturday I spoke to her on the phone in the AM and she said that she was unhappy with "US". Said she was having a lot of fun with her friends and that we weren't having very much fun together, and that she was bored and unhappy.

 

She comes Saturday night to get her things and go sleep on her friend's couch. I'm a mess. We've talked a few times and she says she still loves me and cares about me. She wants me to have fun and enjoy life on my own...and she wants to do the same. She says she just needs to be "alone". I know school is stressing her out and I'm a lot to deal with on top of that...so I can kind of understand. Now she says that maybe if I can find some enjoyment in life and learn to be happy without her then we could be friends and maybe get back together. I know it's stupid to have hope...but it makes me feel better. She said that she's not saying she WILL be with me again, just that it's not out of the question if I can learn to enjoy life.

 

You have to understand our days were mainly: me-work, her-school, me-couch, her-homework. Weekends were maybe dinner and a movie...nothing new. I can say that I would LIKE to be more fun and more outgoing, I WANT to do more new things. Now I feel like my life is a wreak because I don't have her to be with me anymore. I guess that's the point though. I need to realize that I don't NEED her...I just WANT her. Maybe then I can treat her how she deserves to be treated.

 

Wow...that's long. And that was my "short" version. Thanks a lot if you read that all. I feel very vulnerable because of this, and my days are mainly filled with crying and no food. I cry every time I see a thing that she touched once...you know? If I was to rid my life of things that remind me of her, I'd have to go naked and live on the street (maybe I'd pick up some freaky ladies ). I just need to keep my mind busy, and hope that she can remember that her classmates are a good 4 years younger than us. Of COURSE they're going to be more fun, though I know that doesn't mean we shouldn't be having more fun. I think maybe she's just stressed a lot, and maybe just needs to feel like a college student instead of someone's EVERYTHING. Understand?

 

Wow, too much crap. Thanks again. Oh, I'm new by the way. Blah.

 

Sorry, to hear about your situation didn't get your name? Gosh I don't know

if I should just say this and be out with it or do it softly.

 

First off she has been feeling these feelings for some time now people just don't get up and go it's something that builds inside. You also have both

been together for a long time, is there a posibility that she's met someone

else I noticed you didn't bring up that possibility at all..and Gosh, I'm just seeing what she's done and so suddenly..I personally don't feel a good feeling from that..if she really cared for you she would of been more mature about this and sat down with you and talked this out with you, not just got up said "sorry things arn't working out, bye" thats so not kewl! I think you need to evaluate what she had done to you shed your tears, and at the same time start getting out asap...trust me sitting in that room your in right now is NOT going to help..you NEED FRIENDS, and family now..even if it entails calling up old buds my friend! Because if it is another guy she will be back...the fling things never work..if it's not a guy then she just chose her friends and the party life over reality AGAIN NOT KEWL..she doesn't sound like such the sweetie you thought she may of been. I really do wish you the best and Im sorry if I was brutal but as hard as this is to believe

this shall pass...

[notmakingsense]

You are depressed. The lack of energy is normal. See if you can at least take a walk. One step at a time dude, one step at a time.

 

If your depression is really bad, see a Dr -- but try to just get out and exercise first. Endorphins are great for this sort of thing. Pumping up and looking good are also morale boosters.

 

You'll get through it. I promise.

[Naive]

So she just dropped you from one day to the other? She did not drop any hints before or said that she was unhappy? That's not right on her part. I think that she owed you more than that. I mean, you guys were together for a long time!

 

I know it must be hard on you, but you have to do what's best for you now. I doubt she is really thinking about you. Try not to put all the blame on yourself because it takes two to make it work!

[J80]

Well Ok. She told me flat out that it wasn't another guy, maybe she's lying...but I doubt it. She's never been one to lie to me, and she's really bad at it when she does.

 

Now, we've had these problems for a while. We've discussed it before. We've had fights but we'd always work it out and be OK for a while. I just wasn't doing my part to fix what we fought about. She really did try though. She didn't WANT to do this over the phone. I made her, I had an uneasy feeling about things and she told me 10 times "I don't want to have this talk over the phone", but I was a twit and just wouldn't let it go. So she told me and I fell apart.

 

I know she wasn't as kind as she could have been, but I wasn't an angel either here.

[Rooster_DAR]

Well Ok. She told me flat out that it wasn't another guy, maybe she's lying...but I doubt it. She's never been one to lie to me, and she's really bad at it when she does.

 

You are making a big mistake by having this train of thought.

 

When women (and men) end relationships this way, most of the time there is someone else in the picture. Even in the best marriages and LTR's, when someone else enters the picure the spouse will lie like nobody's business. Some of the biggest reasons are because they are living in secrecy, and they don't want to hurt you and are justifying their behaviour by every excuse in the book. Trust me on this, I'm not saying she is seeing someone but, for you to think for a minute that she is not the type to do lie, deceive, or cheat you need to do some more research.

 

If I were to bet, I would say there is someone else in the picure. Time will tell, keep us posted cause I got a feeling this will all come to light soon. I hope it's not someone else, but be prepared to deal with a roller coaster of lies and deception if it is the case. I'm sorry you are going through this, I have spent the last year in pure hell from my 5 year relationship with my fiance. She always hated cheaters, could not stand people who lie, and claimed to be mature and stable. I believed her and she was this way most of our relationship, but when she started her affair she was transformed like nobody's business. She turned into someone I did not even know anymore, and it's a horrible ordeal to experience, and I would wish this torture on noone.

 

Good luck,

[notmakingsense]

Ok, maybe there is someone else, or maybe there isn't. I don't think that is the best thing for J to be focusing on now -- especially since he's now admitted to having problems for quite some time.

 

J -- consider this a cold slap in the face.... time to straighten things out in your life. I hate to be brutal about this with you, but her leaving you is no surprise -- even if there isn't another guy in the picture.

 

Let her go and focus on yourself. Start living your life with the assumption that she's out of the picture. Focus on yourself. You will do great! You'll do so great that not only will she come crawling back, but you'll be making lots of friends and meeting even hotter women than she!

 

For now, keep any power and dignity that you can by NOT contacting her. Show her, yourself, and the rest of the world that you can live a great life without depending on one person for validation!

[Rooster_DAR]

Ok, maybe there is someone else, or maybe there isn't. I don't think that is the best thing for J to be focusing on now -- especially since he's now admitted to having problems for quite some time.

 

J -- consider this a cold slap in the face.... time to straighten things out in your life. I hate to be brutal about this with you, but her leaving you is no surprise -- even if there isn't another guy in the picture.

 

Let her go and focus on yourself. Start living your life with the assumption that she's out of the picture. Focus on yourself. You will do great! You'll do so great that not only will she come crawling back, but you'll be making lots of friends and meeting even hotter women than she!

 

For now, keep any power and dignity that you can by NOT contacting her. Show her, yourself, and the rest of the world that you can live a great life without depending on one person for validation!

 

I agree, good advice. You are going to be quite weak at times, so feel free to post your feeling here, I'm sure we can offer you some relief.

 

Good luck, you deserve better my friend.

[J80]

OK, so the other guy thing is tearing me up inside now. I thought I believed her, now I'm not sure. I mean, I've met most of the people she hangs out with, none of them seemed like the type of guy she'd go after. They all seemed really nice and they liked me a lot. They aren't the cool party type of people, they're more like the stick to the group and have fun type of people. I don't see her dumping me for one of these guys. I could be wrong, of course. I might not have met someone.

 

I just know that I'm burning inside. I slept for a while, and that helped. But now I'm just sick again. Every time I start feeling better something gets in my head that makes me want to scream.

 

I just want to pound my head against the wall.

[D-Lish]

For the first couple weeks after my break up all I could do was sit at home and cry. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't work.... it was awful. It felt like I'd never come out of that darkness and despair.

 

By week three, I started forcing myself to go out, and I wasn't into it at first, but after a bit I was able to at least enjoy myself a little and use that time away from my couch as a distraction~ at least for a short time.

 

If you're short on the friends at the moment, have you thought about joining a gym? I found it a great way to meet new people~ both men and women. It sort of increased my social circle while at the same time I was doing SOMETHING else instead of grieving alone.

 

Don't start obsessing about her being with someone else- it won't help you in any way. You don't know this to be true or not, so don't get yourself worked up over it. Cross that bridge if and when you come to it...but don't go looking for it by creating these destructive images in your head. Deal with one thing at a time~ most specifically, deal with the things you actually can control...and not the things you can't.

 

You have to start getting out and doing things. Start with small and short outings, then increase the time and duration as you start feeling better. It's important not to let the situational depression get a hold of you. This is something you can control, not your feelings, but your actions.

 

It's only been a week, so obviously this is still devastating to you. The full impact of your situation is still so fresh. Don't expect miracles. Small steps.

 

Give her the space she needs, and use the time to work on your own demons. It's been over three months for me and I am still not over the heartache, but I am so much better than I was. Keep writing and posting here- it really does help.

 

Take care.

D

[Cossette4]

You are making a big mistake by having this train of thought.

 

When women (and men) end relationships this way, most of the time there is someone else in the picture. Even in the best marriages and LTR's, when someone else enters the picure the spouse will lie like nobody's business. Some of the biggest reasons are because they are living in secrecy, and they don't want to hurt you and are justifying their behaviour by every excuse in the book. Trust me on this, I'm not saying she is seeing someone but, for you to think for a minute that she is not the type to do lie, deceive, or cheat you need to do some more research.

 

If I were to bet, I would say there is someone else in the picure. Time will tell, keep us posted cause I got a feeling this will all come to light soon. I hope it's not someone else, but be prepared to deal with a roller coaster of lies and deception if it is the case. I'm sorry you are going through this, I have spent the last year in pure hell from my 5 year relationship with my fiance. She always hated cheaters, could not stand people who lie, and claimed to be mature and stable. I believed her and she was this way most of our relationship, but when she started her affair she was transformed like nobody's business. She turned into someone I did not even know anymore, and it's a horrible ordeal to experience, and I would wish this torture on noone.

 

Good luck,

 

I am going through a very similar thing right now. I was with my boyfriend for over 5 years and then one day in July, out of the blue, he says he doesn't think it's going to work out and breaks up with me OVER THE PHONE. At this point, I was away on business and couldn't return home for another month. He refused to answer his phone during these 30 days, and when I returned, I found he had moved out of his apartment and was living with another girl (that he met at work)!! I've talked to our mutual friends who are just as shocked by the sudden new girlfriend as I was, saying that up until our breakup, they had never heard of her and he spent most of his time with them when he wasn't with me, so I can't say for sure that he cheated. However, it's a sickening feeling to know that he worked side by side with this girl for months, and in his mind, was probably developing attraction to her while we were still dating. I feel so sick and betrayed, even if no cheating actually took place.

 

Everyone tells me it's got to be a rebound, because the girl is *ahem* not exactly a catch in any way, shape, or form, and we were having a lot of issues where he felt he could never be "good enough" for me. This version of events makes me feel slightly better b/c she's just filling a void rather than someone he actually LIKES.

 

But it's been almost 5 months, and I am still sooo depressed. I cry at least 4 times a day, and my nights really suck. You said that you've been going through hell for a year because of this--do you feel you've gotten better at all? I look forward and I see no end in sight and it's so frustrating. Logically, everyone says THIS WILL PASS, but I wish I could see some progress.

[Rooster_DAR]

I am going through a very similar thing right now. I was with my boyfriend for over 5 years and then one day in July, out of the blue, he says he doesn't think it's going to work out and breaks up with me OVER THE PHONE. At this point, I was away on business and couldn't return home for another month. He refused to answer his phone during these 30 days, and when I returned, I found he had moved out of his apartment and was living with another girl (that he met at work)!! I've talked to our mutual friends who are just as shocked by the sudden new girlfriend as I was, saying that up until our breakup, they had never heard of her and he spent most of his time with them when he wasn't with me, so I can't say for sure that he cheated. However, it's a sickening feeling to know that he worked side by side with this girl for months, and in his mind, was probably developing attraction to her while we were still dating. I feel so sick and betrayed, even if no cheating actually took place.

 

Everyone tells me it's got to be a rebound, because the girl is *ahem* not exactly a catch in any way, shape, or form, and we were having a lot of issues where he felt he could never be "good enough" for me. This version of events makes me feel slightly better b/c she's just filling a void rather than someone he actually LIKES.

 

But it's been almost 5 months, and I am still sooo depressed. I cry at least 4 times a day, and my nights really suck. You said that you've been going through hell for a year because of this--do you feel you've gotten better at all? I look forward and I see no end in sight and it's so frustrating. Logically, everyone says THIS WILL PASS, but I wish I could see some progress.

 

I still live throught tremendous pain, but it's gotten much better. I did no connection for 3 months, she came running back professing I was her true love and she wanted to anything it takes to gain my trust back. Well, as it turns out she is still having an affair with this guy and started getting confused again, at this point I got very pissed off and told her I'm done. I've been playing this stupid game for too long, and it has torn every bit of soul left in me out. I was in shambles for 6 months and was tormented night and day. When they are in an affair/cheating, it's hard for them to break away and all they care about is themselves. My fiance has hurt everyone around her and her family as well, and even was in trouble at work. She got involved with a co-worker while she was working out of town for 5 months. When she returned she was not the same person anymore.

 

The only thing I can tell you is take care of yourself, and don't try to make him come back to you, you will only suffer and push him even further away. He will try to contact you again, but practice tough love and give him an ultimatum. Either he drops the girl and goes with you to counseling, or you are finished with him. I'm sorry you have to go through this, it seems it's happening in epidimic proportions now. You will read countless other threads her that will mirror exactly what your going through.

 

Post back if you need to talk.

 

Good luck

[J80]

Well, other than her calling me about the rent yesterday I didn't call her at all. It was so hard late at night when I don't know where she is or what she's doing. I just know where she SHOULD be and she's not there, and I'm alone. Every time I fall asleep I wake up even more sad with even more terrible thoughts in my head.

 

I've lost long term girlfriends before, but this hurts so much more.

 

I'm just a zombie now, I can barely muster a fake smile for people at work. I've only told people I'm close to, so some people still ask about her...I just can't stand talking about it.

 

I know my thinking is only making it worse, but how do you stop thinking? I really don't WANT this to end. I don't want to think it's all be for nothing, that maybe she never really loved me.

 

I know I have had my problems...but it's not like I hit her or mistreated her. I treated her like a princess. I'm really really sick about this.

[Krytellan]

I've read the thread and feel like an insensitive jerk for mentioning this, but do you like video games? When I separated from my wife, I was unemployed, so I went from one life to absolutely nothing. No job and no energy to do anything. My solution? I spent 3 months playing Neverwinter Nights On-line for like 15 hours a day (ok, I looked for a job too). I mean, I dealt with the emotional roller-coaster that ensued being separated. I cried, but fortunately I was able to still see her for who she was and was able to be resolute in my desire to have a life without her, so we differ there. But I seriously found the video game distraction to be a sort of "railing" in my recovery and adaptation to a new and empty life.

 

Otherwise, you will absolutely and completely drive yourself crazy if you obsess about what she's doing. If you tried hard enough, you could completely turn an (her) innocent trip to Denny's with a girlfriend into some 5 hour sexual escapade with random men... been there... does no good. She left, and probably because she thinks she found something better. That should piss you off. Use that to your advantage.

 

Occupy yourself, or at the very least, fake it. You need to.

 

DO NOT CALL

 

Good luck man.

[Rooster_DAR]

Well, other than her calling me about the rent yesterday I didn't call her at all. It was so hard late at night when I don't know where she is or what she's doing. I just know where she SHOULD be and she's not there, and I'm alone. Every time I fall asleep I wake up even more sad with even more terrible thoughts in my head.

 

I've lost long term girlfriends before, but this hurts so much more.

 

I'm just a zombie now, I can barely muster a fake smile for people at work. I've only told people I'm close to, so some people still ask about her...I just can't stand talking about it.

 

I know my thinking is only making it worse, but how do you stop thinking? I really don't WANT this to end. I don't want to think it's all be for nothing, that maybe she never really loved me.

 

I know I have had my problems...but it's not like I hit her or mistreated her. I treated her like a princess. I'm really really sick about this.

 

I agree with the last poster, you are not alone. There are many many more of us feeling this same bee sting, and it's a terrible nightmare and hard to believe it can happen to you. The statement you made "Treated her like a princess" is a key word here. For me and many of the other men that are now going through this, it seems that same phrase comes up. After doing lot's of reading and understanding of women and relationships, I realize this is an area that needs to be examined. I too treated my fiance like a princess, and did everything for her. I am starting to understand now that this may be where part of the problem lies.

 

One should treat the other with mutual affection, but often that becomes unbalanced and one starts doing more than the other is returning. If I were to guess, I would say that you were doing more for her and she did not reciprocate, but this is merely speculation. I would need more information from you on what led up to all of this happening. Do not fall back into the Mr. nice guy category, it's only going to cause things to get worse. Breath in and take this thing on with maturity and a level head, in other words don't let her take the power from you. Be strong and suck up the pain when you are dealing with her, and don't let her words tear you back down to begging for her. This needs to be addressed firmly, you can save the crying and emotions when you are alone (or on our shoulders). I know it sounds backwards, but you are inside the box and won't be able to see clearly.

 

Keep us posted

[J80]

Well see, I like video games and all...but none of that sounds like fun to me. Nothing really sounds like fun. Being alone was fine when I knew that she would be coming home to me, but now she's not and I know that no matter what I'm doing I'll just end up in bed alone and sad.

 

I know I'm being a baby and I need to just be pissed at her and move on. It's hard though, she hasn't been openly mean to me. She appologized for making me hurt and kept telling me that she just "needed to do this now". She's going to keep paying rent on our appartment so as not to "make it any harder on me". It's hard to be pissed when she seemed so nice.

 

I'm at work and having a hard time thinking about anything productive. I was reading some other people's posts and just about broke down...from someone ELSE's post. I almost cried right in the middle of work. God I'm screwed up.

 

I know that my head is a mess now and that I need to fight through this...but it's very very hard. 5 years. My family loved her, her family loved me. Our friends loved us. My friends loved her and her friends loved me. How can this just happen like this? I mean, I know things weren't perfect...I figure very few relationships are. I thought we were good at working things out and that we really wanted to be together. We got along, we shared common interests. She was even very accepting of me for who I am, or so I thought. I'm kind of a weird goofy guy, not bad looking, but quirky...and she seemed to just flow with me so well. She put a lot of effort into me, and I'm affraid that's why she left. Like maybe I wasn't worth the effort anymore. Like maybe something new would be easier.

 

I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs and pull my hair out.

 

I'm not sure I can handle this.

[Rooster_DAR]

Well see, I like video games and all...but none of that sounds like fun to me. Nothing really sounds like fun. Being alone was fine when I knew that she would be coming home to me, but now she's not and I know that no matter what I'm doing I'll just end up in bed alone and sad.

 

I know I'm being a baby and I need to just be pissed at her and move on. It's hard though, she hasn't been openly mean to me. She appologized for making me hurt and kept telling me that she just "needed to do this now". She's going to keep paying rent on our appartment so as not to "make it any harder on me". It's hard to be pissed when she seemed so nice.

 

I'm at work and having a hard time thinking about anything productive. I was reading some other people's posts and just about broke down...from someone ELSE's post. I almost cried right in the middle of work. God I'm screwed up.

 

I know that my head is a mess now and that I need to fight through this...but it's very very hard. 5 years. My family loved her, her family loved me. Our friends loved us. My friends loved her and her friends loved me. How can this just happen like this? I mean, I know things weren't perfect...I figure very few relationships are. I thought we were good at working things out and that we really wanted to be together. We got along, we shared common interests. She was even very accepting of me for who I am, or so I thought. I'm kind of a weird goofy guy, not bad looking, but quirky...and she seemed to just flow with me so well. She put a lot of effort into me, and I'm affraid that's why she left. Like maybe I wasn't worth the effort anymore. Like maybe something new would be easier.

 

I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs and pull my hair out.

 

I'm not sure I can handle this.

 

A couple of things...

 

I notice you seem to be eluding to you blaming yourself for this, this is not about you it's about her problems. If she was unable to communicate a problem that led up to this, that's her fault not yours. Believe me when I tell you, that if she is indeed seeing someone else it will most certainly die. The more you back off the better chances are that she will miss you and realize what's she's doing. The utter sadness and depression is normal, and you will have to move through the emotions. Just be careful and don't let it consume you, you will have to make great efforts for recovery.

 

Post back

[Ssheena]

Please go and talk with a doctor about all the trouble you are having sleeping, eating and the amount of time you spend crying. These are classic symptoms of depression and if you want, I'm sure your doctor could prescribe you something just to get you through this time. There are so many people here on LS who have gone and are going through the same thing you have and you will get excellent advice here.

 

She may have been thinking about this for a long time and finally just got to the point where she realized she wants to go out and have more fun but why not with you? I don't know.

 

I do know I've been in your shoes and it is the pits. I can relate to everyone's reply to you. Maybe this would be a good time for you to get a puppy or a couple of kittens if you like animals. A puppy will DEMAND you pay attention to it and can also be a good ice breaker with other people (ie, girls..) and you can put your focus and love into the puppy. If you can't have one where you live, maybe you could go the humane society in your town and volunteer to walk some of the dogs.

 

I love my x boyfriend to no end and stuck with him through lots - his not having a job, his being paranoid, all sorts of stuff and I told him over and over that he had/has things that he really need to sort out in his head about himself and he agreed but he never did anything about it and finally it just got too much for me. My roll as a girlfriend doesn't include always polstering someone up that I thought was great. It's hard to be around someone who is always doubting themselves. I don't know situation or what you all fought about or what you think you didn't try hard enought to fix.

 

I'm so sorry that you and everyone else that is feeling as bad as you are. I don't know how I got through all the days I did and have.

 

Wishing you lots of luck.

[db75]

Your situation sound so similar to what I went through a few months back. Same deal, she was in school, wanted to be alone, been together a long time, all that nonsense.

 

All I can tell you is as others have....take care of yourself. Hard as it is, try not to worry about her too much. The relationship is over and now you've got to deal with the fallout.

 

Things will get better for you. You must keep reminding yourself of this. It's really hard having to adjust to a whole new way of life when you've been so used to things the way they were for so long. But, it's what you must do. There's nothing for it. You've gotta keep pushing forward. If we could all just skip the pain in these matters I'm sure many of us would.

 

At any rate, hang in there brother. We're all here for you.

[Rooster_DAR]

The longer you are in a relationship, the worse it is when it's over. If your like me, you are going through terrible seperation anxiety. The modes include waking up and not knowing where you are, and feeling like your a lost soul floating aimlessly with no where to go. It's the worst feeling in the world, and I think it's worse than someone you are close to dying. You are going to need lot's of support, and I recommend you keep posting on this site. LS has helped me tremendously, and without it I think I may have checked into a phsyco ward.

 

Good luck!