Should I be worried?

[Miss Sixty]

My boyfriend one day recently told me that he misses going out to lunch with his female co-worker friend because I am so weird about him hanging out with females.

 

In fact, up to that moment - he had never hung out with any females, all his friends are guys and also, he had never mentioned this co-worker before.

I make joke references to blondes and he assumed because his co-worker friend was a blonde, that I wouldn't like her.

 

Yes, he assumed all this on his own.

 

So, here he brings up this girl I've never heard about and then he complains he can't go to lunch with her anymore.

He admitted that going to lunch with just her would be weird but that he would like to go with her if there were other people there also, in other words, he said she would always ask him to go to lunch and he would always say yes, but since we have been together - he has always said no and he felt badly for it.

 

He also told me she had long ago stopped asking.

 

After that conversation, within days - he came home and told me he had gone out to lunch with her and a new person. He said she had asked.

I thought it was weird timing.

 

Eventually, he started talking about her a lot - she and I share the same medical problem and she would ask him how I was with it and he would get the updates from her on it when it was bothering her.

He knows where she lives, he knows all about her kids and all about her husband.

Is this normal stuff to divulge to a co-worker?

 

Oh, and he says they're not FRIENDS, really, just work friends.

This came up because one time I told him if he is such good friends with her, why don't we all go out for dinner one night?

I suggested her, her husband and me and my boyfriend could all go out and my boyfriend was visibly uncomfortable with that.

That's when he said they weren't friends like that, more like acquaintances.

 

WHich brings me to a question - if they are only acquaintances, why would he care so much that he couldn't go to lunch with her anymore?

 

One more thing (sorry this is so long)

APparently she would always ask him about me and he would come home and say she asked about me or if they would have a conversation about something or other, he would tell me about it.

You would think she would know I knew who she was, right?

 

Well, one day we ran into her in traffic and she introduced herself and she said - "We work together." That was it. It was so weird, because it was as though she thought I'd never heard of her or something.

 

Also, I noticed at that time that my boyfriend was biting his fingernails and didn't stop until after she'd pulled away.

 

Now he barely mentions her, and if I do - he thinks I'm being insecure or something, even when I bring her up and say, so, have you talked to so and so lately?

He makes this face and is always like "why are you talking about so and so?

Can't you get off that subject?

Gosh, it's so exhausting."

 

Meanwhile, not too long ago he told me I would like her, that we would get along and we should all meet up for lunch or something.

Now when I offer to do that, he says planning it is too dumb, that it should just be something that happens.

In other words, lunch together with me incl. has yet to happen.

 

Also, I noticed one day he ahd her email address on his personal email contacts list.

I asked him why she was there and he told me he had no idea how she got there, that he must have put her there when he copy/pasted his work emails to his personal list.

Well, I noticed none of the other girls in his office were on his personal contact list, so there went that theory.

He really seemed surprised and deleted it right there.

Still, I don't get it.

[Aloros]

The fact that he is talking about it so much, and in this way, says to me that he's feeling some guilt over the matter.

 

My boyfriend has a lot of female friends, which I have no problem with because I have met them, hung out with them, and he never hides anything from me.

 

You should explain to him that it makes you uncomfortable that he's hiding things from you (the email address) and you haven't hung out with her. Perfectly reasonable, I think.

 

He has probably not cheated on you, but may be harboring more than friendly feelings toward her.

[skimmy]

Hmm, sounds like he's deceiving you about something. You can take a couple of approaches: one is just walk away, see the big red flag and save yourself the heartache, or two, you could confront him in as non-threatening a manner as possible, that you know he's deceiving you about something and you just want to know so that you can build trust between you two, and you know that maybe he can't be honest because he doesn't feel safe and fears your rejection. And if you want to scare him away, then nag him and outright accuse him of lying to you and get him on the defensive. (tongue in cheek)

[Krytellan]

As a guy, I would say to you that all of your suspicions are very likely correct. If something isn't still going on with them, it was at some point. Depending on him, he may just be having guilt feelings about simply thinking about being with her, or he may have actually been with her. You would know that better. Don't just let this go.

[jenniferlm]

Ugh. I'd confront him about the email thing. He's obviously lying to you. The only reason for him to lie about this is if he's hiding something. He obviously likes her. And she may like him.

You have her email, why don't you ask her to lunch yourself?? Then you can talk with her about things. It may be that nothing is going on...yet. But it's not appropriate for a married woman to eat alone w/ a single man who is apparently "into" her. I wonder what her husband would think??