SmoochieFace Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I am the prize. I must be won. You can't win me by acting like you don't want to compete. I don't consider people to be 'prizes that must be won'. People are not commodities that should be fought over. It's bad enough that we live in a society that glorifies fighting over stupid pieces of crap at Wal-Mart, Target, Victoria's Secret, etc. during the holidays...
SmoochieFace Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 you might be on to something there... definitely the part about being burned in the past. once you've been wounded love can become a battle, and that's when you start looking for strategy. LOL... there doesn't need to be any 'strategy'. Only insecure people resort to turning dating and relating into some sort of science. Here's a hint: deal with your insecurities, fears, etc. FIRST AND THEN put yourself out there. I promise you you will have better results and all without the 'theoretical' bullzhyt too. See... the problem is we have way too many unhealthy, insecure, broken, whatever people out there who are 'infecting' otherwise healthy people with their 'issues' and therefore causing all of these relationship problems which lead to all these stupid 'rules'.
norajane Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Arrogant. Admit you were not that flexible type of woman. Loyal and flexible women WHEN INTERESTED WAIT 5 DAYS FOR CALL. Loyal and flexible? Loyal to whom? Why would I have developed any loyalty to a guy I had just met at a cocktail party or business conference? Why would I have any loyalty toward a guy who hasn't even asked me out on a date yet? As for flexible, it's not me who was following a rigid set of rules.
SmoochieFace Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Loyal and flexible? Loyal to whom? Why would I have developed any loyalty to a guy I had just met at a cocktail party or business conference? Why would I have any loyalty toward a guy who hasn't even asked me out on a date yet? As for flexible, it's not me who was following a rigid set of rules. ... Sounds like DanielMadr demands 'loyalty' from the women he meets right after he introduces himself.
HeadlessZebra Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Loyal and flexible? Loyal to whom? Why would I have developed any loyalty to a guy I had just met at a cocktail party or business conference? Why would I have any loyalty toward a guy who hasn't even asked me out on a date yet? As for flexible, it's not me who was following a rigid set of rules. Hear hear. Look, it's not like we're sitting around saying "If he doesn't call me in exactly 64 hours, I'm not giving up the tang." It just kind of happens. How long do you expect to stay fresh in our minds?? Are you Brad Pitt??
DanielMadr Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Loyal and flexible? Loyal to whom? Why would I have developed any loyalty to a guy I had just met at a cocktail party or business conference? Why would I have any loyalty toward a guy who hasn't even asked me out on a date yet? As for flexible, it's not me who was following a rigid set of rules. You havent developed loyalty to that guy becasue your interest level in him was very low. And then it doesnt matter if he calls next day, in 3 days or after 3 months. You just dont find him attractive enough. If Brad Pitt or Mahatma Ghandi called you after one year, you would be happy to go on date with them 1. There is nothing wrong in waiting for 5 days. It is respectable for you and for him....he is not all over you like those suckers before. 2. Playing games for spicing up is OK. Playing games like faking interest/disinterest is BAD. 3. There is no reason to calling sooner unless you know yourself well, for emergency reasons, giving you his number etc. He will call when he is OK to take you out. Of course he should apologize for not calling sooner, when it takes too long to call. 4. your attitude = 'He has to call me as soon as possible or I might think he doesnt find me hot stuff.' come on, thats snobby little princess
DanielMadr Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Hear hear. Look, it's not like we're sitting around saying "If he doesn't call me in exactly 64 hours, I'm not giving up the tang." It just kind of happens. How long do you expect to stay fresh in our minds?? Are you Brad Pitt?? I just used Brad in my reply to norajane ....read it, please I remember all girls that I asked for number or gave them mine Some I would decline because I already found better prey, yeah thats right but thats destiny. The reason why guys call too soon.....they are insecure, they think someone better is approaching you every minute. I can wait a few days without bitting my nails off. No Im not Brad Pitt. Are you Angelina Jolie?
gfto Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 free meal. I've done it. Most women have. A guy who knows what he's doing can easily spot this, flush her number, and move on. Unfortunately, most men are clueless on this.
HeadlessZebra Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 You havent developed loyalty to that guy becasue your interest level in him was very low. And then it doesnt matter if he calls next day, in 3 days or after 3 months. You just dont find him attractive enough. Look, I don't care how gorgeous or amazing or rich you are... if I've only talked to you once, I don't have enough to go on. You cannot honestly expect me to have you stuck in my head for a week. I have only met you once! That is not nearly enough time to develop a really strong interest in someone, no matter how great I thought you were! That's the part you don't understand. Why would I feel any loyalty to someone I just met? I don't care how attractive you are, I don't know you!!!!! GRRR, you just don't get it.
norajane Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 You havent developed loyalty to that guy becasue your interest level in him was very low. And then it doesnt matter if he calls next day, in 3 days or after 3 months. You just dont find him attractive enough. If Brad Pitt or Mahatma Ghandi called you after one year, you would be happy to go on date with them I haven't developed loyalty because I don't know him. He hasn't done anything to inspire loyalty. Loyalty is reserved for family, friends, and people I have spent time with and who have interacted with me in a respectful way that lends itself to trust and caring. A guy who whom I haven't gone out with, is - for all intents and purposes - a stranger. Loyalty has no meaning in that context. He may have been a very interesting person and I'd like to see him again - hence, he was given my number - but I don't feel any sense of loyalty toward strangers. Ghandi would get a date after a year, but not Brad. Unless he's saving the world, there's no reason a guy can't call. 4. your attitude = 'He has to call me as soon as possible or I might think he doesnt find me hot stuff.' come on, thats snobby little princess I didn't say anything of sort. If he hasn't called, I've probably met other people in the meantime. What you aren't getting is that a woman who meets lots of interesting, intelligent men gets used to dealing with men who can think for themselves and don't play games or resort to rule books when it comes to dating. And if one of them doesn't call for a long time, there are others who do. I'd rather go out with the ones who call shortly after meeting me, rather than the ones who wait around until I forget why I gave them my number in the first place. When they are strangers to me, and we haven't gotten to know each other well, they are just that - strangers.
gfto Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I'm curious. A guy calls six days after you met him. How do you know he's "playing games"? Maybe he's been dealing with a family emergency all week and putting in 12-hour days at work. When he asks you out, do you respond by saying, "well, it depends...why didn't you call me three days ago?"
HeadlessZebra Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I'm curious. A guy calls six days after you met him. How do you know he's "playing games"? Maybe he's been dealing with a family emergency all week and putting in 12-hour days at work. When he asks you out, do you respond by saying, "well, it depends...why didn't you call me three days ago?" No. Again, it's not like I'm keeping a timer by my desk to see whether he calls on time, or "punishing" him if he calls too late. It's just that, chances are, I just don't remember the attraction all that well anymore. He didn't do anything wrong... I just naturally sort of... forgot. You know? Women do have lives...
norajane Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 No. Again, it's not like I'm keeping a timer by my desk to see whether he calls on time, or "punishing" him if he calls too late. It's just that, chances are, I just don't remember the attraction all that well anymore. He didn't do anything wrong... I just naturally sort of... forgot. You know? Women do have lives... Exactly. So, I'll go on the date, but it will be with some degree less enthusiasm than if the attraction was fresh in my mind.
gfto Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 No. Again, it's not like I'm keeping a timer by my desk to see whether he calls on time, or "punishing" him if he calls too late. It's just that, chances are, I just don't remember the attraction all that well anymore. He didn't do anything wrong... I just naturally sort of... forgot. You know? Women do have lives... so do men; that's why they might not necessarily call in the next few days.
BARBGURL Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Ok, so what I'm picking up from all the banter in this thread could be summed up like this: Games or no games, 3 days or 9 days, it doesn't really matter. If the initial attraction is strong enough to sustain interest and develop something further, then it will happen. If the man or woman is not as interested as the other, it is futile anyway.
bluescreenlife Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Sounds like a good conclusion. i also just had a great idea! How about instead of everybody waiting 3 days to pretend like they have a life, we all out and get a life? And maybe instead of trying so hard not to look needy we should create the kind of life where we honestly don't need romance or sex to be happy. I'm sure it's possible...
SmoochieFace Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 The only thing I've picked up from this thread is that games are stupid... already knew that so in reality I haven't picked up anything from this thread.
lexilas Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 See... the problem is we have way too many unhealthy, insecure, broken, whatever people out there who are 'infecting' otherwise healthy people with their 'issues' and therefore causing all of these relationship problems which lead to all these stupid 'rules'. This statement is an undeniable truth - Bravo Smooochieface!!
SmoochieFace Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 This statement is an undeniable truth - Bravo Smooochieface!! Yeah, but how many people will actually admit it? Along with that statement comes this: unhealthy people will seemingly do almost anything possible to deny that they are unhealthy and their thought patterns and behaviours are flawed and thus warrant change. Rationalisation of those unhealthy behaviours and self-preservation (protecting the ego) end up taking precedence over actually acknowledging and fixing the issues which results in zero progress. Whew... what a mouthful! I need a drink of water now!
bluescreenlife Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 LOL... there doesn't need to be any 'strategy'. Only insecure people resort to turning dating and relating into some sort of science. Here's a hint: deal with your insecurities, fears, etc. FIRST AND THEN put yourself out there. I promise you you will have better results and all without the 'theoretical' bullzhyt too. See... the problem is we have way too many unhealthy, insecure, broken, whatever people out there who are 'infecting' otherwise healthy people with their 'issues' and therefore causing all of these relationship problems which lead to all these stupid 'rules'. not sure how personal you're being here, but don't take me for the voice of the rules... I'm just relatively new to dating and got thrown for a real loop this year, and I've been taking time to sort everything out and (exactly) conquer my fears and insecurities before I get out there again. I'm on this board to gain insight and share what I've got, and it's great for that, but I'm not unable to think critically and I'm not going to live and love by some player's book. I figure it's a balance between heart and head and I'm learning to use my head - to take it slower at first, not to trust too blindly, and not to love so unconditionally that I can't see when I'm being treated badly. Part of me is sad that that's happening, it doesn't really match my childhood ideals, but it really is about coming into balance. I'm not planning to swing to the other extreme, i.e. holding back all my emotions, maintaining a position of power, and ending things if I ever feel threatened... that's a reactionary stance that I'm not interested in. ha, I guess I'm the one getting personal with me now. I liked Riddler's post, that's the kind of balance I'm looking for...
Pyro Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I figure it's a balance between heart and head and I'm learning to use my head - to take it slower at first, not to trust too blindly, and not to love so unconditionally that I can't see when I'm being treated badly. Part of me is sad that that's happening, it doesn't really match my childhood ideals, but it really is about coming into balance. I'm not planning to swing to the other extreme, i.e. holding back all my emotions, maintaining a position of power, and ending things if I ever feel threatened... that's a reactionary stance that I'm not interested in. ha, I guess I'm the one getting personal with me now. I liked Riddler's post, that's the kind of balance I'm looking for... Sounds like you have a grasp on things.
bluescreenlife Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Well, I hope so... guess I'll find out when I'm seeing someone new. Could be pretty soon from the looks of things...
Pyro Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Well, I hope so... guess I'll find out when I'm seeing someone new. Could be pretty soon from the looks of things... Best of luck to you amigo.
SmoochieFace Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 not sure how personal you're being here, but don't take me for the voice of the rules... I'm just relatively new to dating and got thrown for a real loop this year, and I've been taking time to sort everything out and (exactly) conquer my fears and insecurities before I get out there again. I'm on this board to gain insight and share what I've got, and it's great for that, but I'm not unable to think critically and I'm not going to live and love by some player's book. I figure it's a balance between heart and head and I'm learning to use my head - to take it slower at first, not to trust too blindly, and not to love so unconditionally that I can't see when I'm being treated badly. Part of me is sad that that's happening, it doesn't really match my childhood ideals, but it really is about coming into balance. I'm not planning to swing to the other extreme, i.e. holding back all my emotions, maintaining a position of power, and ending things if I ever feel threatened... that's a reactionary stance that I'm not interested in. ha, I guess I'm the one getting personal with me now. I liked Riddler's post, that's the kind of balance I'm looking for... Not 'getting personal' at all... just speaking as a keen observer. Now I will say this... you have to be careful getting advice from a board like this because there ARE quite a few people here who have lots of 'issues' and who possess flawed thought processes and they may tell you things that sound good on the surface but, in reality, may be harmful and therefore could be a detriment to your overall growth. So you just have to be very picky about what points deserve your consideration. As the disclaimer says... this site is not a substitute for professional advice and therapy.
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