josy Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 We know the theory: 5-9 days. That is, guy gets girl's number, and all the theorists (Doc. Love, Carlos, etc) go: "wait 5-9 days; you don't want to come across needy". Oh, that dreadful notion, needy. But I've got a situation here. See, I go to this gym class regularly, mostly every other day. Its a kick-boxing class, and I've been eyeing someone there for a while, admiring her terrific high kicks. So I finally get her number (incidentally, I was actually inspired by the member KMT - who wrote somewhere something that hammered into my mind constantly, something like "even if she's with friends; just walk up to her and ask for her number. don't be a wuss". ). But now, I am going to see her in class every other day - does anyone still think that I should go for the 5-9 routine? Wouldn't you think that getting her number, and not using it while seeing her is, somewhat, hmmm... silly? All thoughts are mostly welcome.
Crazy Cutie Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 We know the theory: 5-9 days. That is, guy gets girl's number, and all the theorists (Doc. Love, Carlos, etc) go: "wait 5-9 days; you don't want to come across needy". Oh, that dreadful notion, needy. As a woman I always thought that needy was defined by how much you call after you've first called. I.E. after you've called the first time don't call her three more times that day unprompted. I also thought that the rule was 3 days. If you called me nine days after you got my number and I am not that familiar with you I'd say, "who is this?!" Also, if I was waiting for you to call for five days I'd start to assume that you are uninterested...
Author josy Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 As a woman I always thought that needy was defined by how much you call after you've first called. I.E. after you've called the first time don't call her three more times that day unprompted. I guess 'needy' also means too-quick-on-the-dial. I also thought that the rule was 3 days. If you called me nine days after you got my number and I am not that familiar with you I'd say, "who is this?!" And what if you are familiar with me? Also, if I was waiting for you to call for five days I'd start to assume that you are uninterested... That's exactly the theorist's point! See, we want you to assume we are not interested...that's why we do the 5-to-9 thing. Theory says: you're getting all the 2-to-3 callers screened as "predictable" and therefore "no challenge". Theory says: you love challenge, and that's why you'll spend time thinking how come this guy is not calling gorgeous me. THEORY SAYS: That's where we want you to be.... But my case is different -- I don't have anonimity on my side; can't just disappear for 5-to-9, becuase as I said, we meet at the gym. So cutie -- since you seem to be feeling the 'expected' feelings -- what would you feel if you'd continue to meet this guy at the gym, say, three times a week and he doesn't call?
norajane Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 So cutie -- since you seem to be feeling the 'expected' feelings -- what would you feel if you'd continue to meet this guy at the gym, say, three times a week and he doesn't call? I'd be thinking why the f*ck did he bother to ask for my number if he isn't going to call or talk to me when he sees me at the gym.
SmoochieFace Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 When it comes to dating and relating, 'theories' are crap. All people are different and it's bogus to attempt to tie everyone together with a bunch of 'theoretical' rubbish. Doc Love et al are a bunch of quacks in the vein of Don Lapre. Frauds.
Author josy Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 I'd be thinking why the f*ck did he bother to ask for my number if he isn't going to call or talk to me when he sees me at the gym. yeah.. sure. I'm gonna talk to you alright; just as I always do. I'd just wait with asking you out. I'm gonna have to hear some guys on this too... Guys...?
BARBGURL Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 If a guy gets my number, I know he is interested or he would not have asked to begin with. If he waits to call me, then I know he's playing some sort of retarded game. I don't give a crap whose theory it is, if you take my number and don't use it within a couple of days, don't use it at all! Why not just ask her out in person? Take advantage of the face-to-face.
norajane Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Why don't you just ask her out while you're talking to her at the gym? Wouldn't that be the simplest thing to do? You're putting way too much importance on theories and game-playing.
electric_sheep Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 If he waits to call me, then I know he's playing some sort of retarded game. Seriously. Enough with the games all ready !
blind_otter Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 We know the theory: 5-9 days. That is, guy gets girl's number, and all the theorists (Doc. Love, Carlos, etc) go: "wait 5-9 days; you don't want to come across needy". All thoughts are mostly welcome. I doubt my thought is welcome but here goes. This rule is the stupidest load of crap I've seen yet. If a guy waited 5-9 days to call me I would wait 5-9 days to tell him he's an idiot before asking him to not ever call me again.
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 This rule is the stupidest load of crap I've seen yet. If a guy waited 5-9 days to call me I would wait 5-9 days to tell him he's an idiot before asking him to not ever call me again. ahh b_0 but what if he tells you he'll call in a week or so? thats what I do. I give 'em the whole "i'll gonna be real tied up this week" line and tell them I'll ring 'em up after that. would that be OK? It works for me.
SmoochieFace Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 ... How about just calling whenever you feel like calling?! Why the stupid 'rules'? I am beginning to think that these 'rules' were devised by neurotic people who have been seriously burned in their relationships... jeez.
BARBGURL Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 ahh b_0 but what if he tells you he'll call in a week or so? thats what I do. I give 'em the whole "i'll gonna be real tied up this week" line and tell them I'll ring 'em up after that. would that be OK? It works for me. Tied up by whom?
Green Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 We know the theory: 5-9 days. That is, guy gets girl's number, and all the theorists (Doc. Love, Carlos, etc) go: "wait 5-9 days; you don't want to come across needy". Oh, that dreadful notion, needy. But I've got a situation here. See, I go to this gym class regularly, mostly every other day. Its a kick-boxing class, and I've been eyeing someone there for a while, admiring her terrific high kicks. So I finally get her number (incidentally, I was actually inspired by the member KMT - who wrote somewhere something that hammered into my mind constantly, something like "even if she's with friends; just walk up to her and ask for her number. don't be a wuss". ). But now, I am going to see her in class every other day - does anyone still think that I should go for the 5-9 routine? Wouldn't you think that getting her number, and not using it while seeing her is, somewhat, hmmm... silly? All thoughts are mostly welcome. Sounds like something I would have written, so get over there and throw some game on her, chat her up, make a joke if you know it will be funny, and then ask her for the number. Definetly dont call it right away if you get it, and as far as seeing her in class just act the way you always did whether you get the number or not. I say wait atleast 2 days but not over 5 in ur case. and try to call her with a plan in mind, like if you have the class tommorow then either call thursday or monday and try to get her to hang out that day say for coffee, lunch or dinner or something that will allow you to talk in person. I say avoid asking them out on friday, or saturday, even posibly sunday at first because those days are alot of pressure. If you call and she doesnt answer dont leave a message, just call back some other time, you dont want to put yourself in a situation where your waiting on her call she might get nervouse or who knows and then ur playing the waiting game lost all the power.
blind_otter Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 ahh b_0 but what if he tells you he'll call in a week or so? thats what I do. I give 'em the whole "i'll gonna be real tied up this week" line and tell them I'll ring 'em up after that. would that be OK? It works for me. Well, that would be ok. But the whole mysterious disappearing act is pretty dern dumb. I've had losers pull this crapoooola on me before and then get all huffy with me when I reject them. WTF do they expect? I am the prize. I must be won. You can't win me by acting like you don't want to compete.
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I am the prize. I must be won. screw that man!...i hate women who think like that. In reality it is alphamale who is the prize and must be won. Few females are worthy.
Author josy Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 Something about games. I can sit here behind my keyboard and write 1,000 words about how I am not playing games blah blah. Truth is, I am prepared to play "games", or should I say, I am honestly prepared to adopt a certain behavior that I believe will get me to where I want to be. When alphamale says he'll tell her he'll be busy and call in a week, it is surely a "game". But this "game" has a purpose: its purpose is to win the damn game! Everyone is only as experienced as their own experience goes. And mine, recently, has led me to believe that there is a certain type of behavior that women, generally speaking (of course; how can ignore that women are so uniquely different...) are atrracted to. So some may say that this a load of crap, and everyone is so unique, and you can't formulate rules and so on. However, mind you, repeating the tiring mantra that "everyone is unique" is also a load of crap, plus, it formulates its own rule too. Of course everyone is unique, and people are different blah blah. But then again, you get Desmond Morris writing 20 books or so about female behavior vs. male behavior. Neatly formulated, laid out clear-cut rules of how men and women behave sexually, what turns them on, and what turns them off. Everyone are free to blithely ignore this, and just "be their true selves", and send her tons of flowers and sweets to the office, call her twice a day, because "hey - I really feel good about it, and I want to do it". Now this is certainly honest and courageous; almost as courageous as approaching a lioness and make out with her. The point is: we are animals, and animals are attracted by a very specific set of behavior patterns. Oh yes, like no other animal, we are arrogant animals that have a documented history, and we also have strong feelings about guys who have our number and won't call (jerks@#! why did they ask the number for anyway?!), but at the end of the day -- my personal experience proves in an uncontradicted way: you either play the game, or you end up writing beautiful poems in your blog on how much you miss those loving days. That's my 12 cents of philosophy. As for real life. Sure I can ask her out in the gym. Hell, why did I ask for her number anyway?
DanielMadr Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 These xdays "rules" are proven and possible reasons are here: 1. when you call in 3 days....WHY? You could have asked her out when you were talking to her for first time. You can call sooner if it is an emergency only. Calling sooner has neon sign 'OH PLEASE DONT FORGET ME'. Call her when you have oportunity to take her out and it can be in 3 or 5 days. 2. If it takes longer start by saying 'Sorry for not calling sooner but I was busy and didnt know if Ill have time'. If you was really busy....for good consience. 3. Or call sooner to let her know your number ('Hope you get home in order...this is my number) 4. Major test is when she tells you 'I will call you next week OK?'. Wait for that call, dont panic (panic=virgin(male) in my language ) If she havent called, call her after that period and be a little bit sarcastic 'Oh I didnt know you are workoholic'. If she doesnt apologize or doesnt sound happy you are calling, forget her. She wants you to chase her or she is not interested. Kickboxer.....dont call her, ask her out when you see her. Or use #3. Face to face is better. Watch your solar plexus and kidneys 1
BenThereDunThat Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 gah...I hate games and so-called rules when it comes to dating. If you have to sit there and plan for a "day 5" call, screw that. I'm not saying call every day in the beginning (no need to talk every day unless you're serious and exclusive or living together). If you're not calling because you're actually busy, fine. But to just sit there, doing nothing, because some imaginary proper amount of time hasn't yet elapsed, that's just dumb. When I see guys doing that, it turns me right off. We can always tell when you're doing that, you know.
DanielMadr Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 gah...I hate games and so-called rules when it comes to dating. If you have to sit there and plan for a "day 5" call, screw that. I'm not saying call every day in the beginning (no need for that unless you're serious and exclusive) If you're not calling because you're actually busy, fine. But to just sit there, doing nothing, because the proper amount of time hasn't yet elapsed, that's just dumb. When I see guys doing that, it turns me right off. We can always tell when you're doing that, you know. yeah yeah the ones that say 'I hate playing games' are the biggest players. Naive girls(I know 2) dont know what 'playing games' is. Girls say 'Please tell your girl what are your feelings for her, I love it'. Sure you love to hear IT but you dont love HIM for it Waiting a few days is not playing games. He is holding back. It is respectful for himself and for you. Playing games is when you say or act like you like him but you dont or vice versa.
Author josy Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 We can always tell when you're doing that, you know. No you can't. You never can. And you're just dying to know why are we not calling. Does anyone notice the obvious rules of sexes exercised out in this very thread, or is it just me?
norajane Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 No you can't. You never can. And you're just dying to know why are we not calling. Girls who are inexperienced with dating might not understand that you are calculating your investment for an expected greater return. The rest of us have forgotten you by the time the 5-9 days rolls around.
Green Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Waiting a few days is not playing games. He is holding back. It is respectful for himself and for you. Playing games is when you say or act like you like him but you dont or vice versa. Great point. Its not like hes playing an evil game of telling a girl hes in love with her and wants to mary her so he can get in her pants and ditch her. Hes putting on some game when he shows that he doesnt call right off the bat. He cant just show up to a job interview in street clothes High five the person who is going to interview him and start bouncing a ball on the wall even if thats the kind of guy he is. Same goes for girls you have to have some basic game if your a guy, Like even if I felt I was madly in love with a girl the first time I met her I would know better then to just admit it, although it would be romantic to let the girl know after you had been dating for a while, but bad idea to say it right away, and thats what we mean by game those rules you need to follow when courting women these days. 1
alphamale Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 We can always tell when you're doing that, you know. No you can't, not always at least...
Author josy Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 Girls who are inexperienced with dating might not understand that you are calculating your investment for an expected greater return. The rest of us have forgotten you by the time the 5-9 days rolls around. Sure. You get so much forgetful that you have all your social net find out where I'm at every evening.... put differently: These are my rules; and if you don't like them....well, I have others. (adopted from Groucho Marx) 1
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