oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Ok so we all know these following statistics: 60% of all first marriages end in divorce. 45% of divorced people choose to re-marry and of those marriages, 85% also end in divorce. So why do we OM/OW, maintain a relationship with a married person and still have hope they will leave their spouse for us? Are we looking for adventure and challenges?
Art_Critic Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Are we looking for adventure and challenges? A MM is not an adventure or challenge.. they are only heartbreak and drama and only capable of providing loneliness So a Ow must be looking for drama, heartbreak and loneliness
herenow Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Ok so we all know these following statistics: 60% of all first marriages end in divorce. 45% of divorced people choose to re-marry and of those marriages, 85% also end in divorce. So why do we OM/OW, maintain a relationship with a married person and still have hope they will leave their spouse for us? Are we looking for adventure and challenges? I think that some people are looking for the excitement that comes with an affair. I don't think people look at statistics when they get involved in an affair. Everyone wants to believe that their situation is different. And I guess since there is no 100% statistic, some are different.
pricillia Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I think that some people are looking for the excitement that comes with an affair. I don't think people look at statistics when they get involved in an affair. Everyone wants to believe that their situation is different. And I guess since there is no 100% statistic, some are different. For me I went into the realationship unknowingly, not for excitement but for love, now that I know I am trying to let go but having a hard time Ac is right it is lonley... very sad
Author oyster Posted December 5, 2006 Author Posted December 5, 2006 For me I went into the realationship unknowingly, not for excitement but for love, now that I know I am trying to let go but having a hard time Ac is right it is lonley... very sad I went into it kind of unknowingly. She said they lived seperated lives, that he cheated on her. Now she is confused, back and forth. He knows of my existence, he is trying to hang on, she wants to leave. I had enough of the triangle. I will date and she has 31 days to make up her mind. We are now in NC mode. Even if she divorce, I think marrying her is fighting the statistic. Might just live together if it works out. Holiday will be lonely so I have to find another girlfriend for the holidays.
herenow Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 For me I went into the realationship unknowingly, not for excitement but for love, now that I know I am trying to let go but having a hard time Ac is right it is lonley... very sad Obviously if someone didn't know that the person was married, any statistic would be futile information. I think this question is about people who enter into affairs knowing that chances of the relationship working on a exclusive level is slim based on statistics. My point is that most people who enter affairs do not think about the statistics. I think that if someone is looking for excitement, it's usually the married person. That's what I mean by some people are looking for excitement in affairs.
bonehead Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 statistics go out the window. But lets look at the statistics from another viewpoint. As an OP looking in it can be turned around OK, s/hes in a first marriage, so odds are in the OPs favor by the numbers. Seeing as how only 40% last.
Chapter2 Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Ok so we all know these following statistics: 60% of all first marriages end in divorce. 45% of divorced people choose to re-marry and of those marriages, 85% also end in divorce. So why do we OM/OW, maintain a relationship with a married person and still have hope they will leave their spouse for us? Are we looking for adventure and challenges? 60% of all first marriages end in divorce and out of the 40% that succeed, 20% of those are miserably still together. Why on earth do people marry then? Because they will be the exception to the rule, oif course. Their love is different and they will be the 20% that are happy and thriving. A MM is not an adventure or challenge.. they are only heartbreak and drama and only capable of providing loneliness So a Ow must be looking for drama, heartbreak and loneliness I guess that means everyone who is getting married is ultimately looking for divorce, abandonment and loneliness since the odds aren't in favor of marriage either. I don't believe that but if you make it as simplistic as you are stating the reason people get into affairs then that's certainly what they must be looking for. People want to hope that they will be different and that their love is above all others.
herenow Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Marriage statistics only prove what is legally bound and really doesn't take into account long term relationships as a whole. I think it is very hard to believe any statistics about infidelity since that would require people to be honest about something that survives because of lies. So, I don't think statistics are of any help when it comes to human relationships.
Art_Critic Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I don't believe that but if you make it as simplistic as you are stating the reason people get into affairs then that's certainly what they must be looking for. People want to hope that they will be different and that their love is above all others. Show me the success of OW/MM relationships.. at least with 2 single people getting married they have around a 50/50 shot of lasting forever. A OW/MM relationship has just the tiniest of a percentange of even the 50/50.. more like .5/99.5 chance of even getting married let alone lasting forever
herenow Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Show me the success of OW/MM relationships.. at least with 2 single people getting married they have around a 50/50 shot of lasting forever. A OW/MM relationship has just the tiniest of a percentange od ven the 50/50.. more like 99/1 People like to believe that statistics don't apply to them. And as I said, I think it's very hard to trust statistics when it come to human emotions. Too many variables.
blind_otter Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Holiday will be lonely so I have to find another girlfriend for the holidays. I found this statement to be profoundly sad. The desperate need to be with someone, anyone, to stave off some kind of internal emptiness will always lead us to make bad decisions when it comes to matters of the heart.
herenow Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Even if we did trust the statistics, when someone wants to believe something, that slim chance is enough to keep them going. Remember when you were a kid and you ignored all those warnings from your parents because you were sure that it would never happen to you. Same denial going on here.
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 5, 2006 Posted December 5, 2006 I found this statement to be profoundly sad. The desperate need to be with someone, anyone, to stave off some kind of internal emptiness will always lead us to make bad decisions when it comes to matters of the heart. Statistics aside ... THIS is the one common denominator that remains consistently true!
Chapter2 Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Excuse me....I wasn't questioning the success or failure rate of OP/MP success or failure...I was referring to your overall statement of "So a Ow must be looking for drama, heartbreak and loneliness". Calm down. Everything's gonna be okay. Show me the success of OW/MM relationships.. at least with 2 single people getting married they have around a 50/50 shot of lasting forever. A OW/MM relationship has just the tiniest of a percentange of even the 50/50.. more like .5/99.5 chance of even getting married let alone lasting forever
bonehead Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 In life that NO ONE can dispute or overcome is that 100 out of 100 people born will die. Everyone plays the odds. Living life is a gamble. By statistics I should have been dead 10 years ago. lol
GreenEyedLady Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 In life that NO ONE can dispute or overcome is that 100 out of 100 people born will die. Everyone plays the odds. Living life is a gamble. By statistics I should have been dead 10 years ago. lol Like your way of thinking, BH!
bonehead Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Like your way of thinking, BH! Look at EVERY aspect of our lives. Its all about calculated risks. If people looked at pure numbers lottery wouldnt be a profitable venture for states because no one would play. Automakers would be out of business, and the airlines would be rolling in the dough. Statistics look good on paper but statisticly speaking they dont mean much.
Antheia Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I would rather take a 0.5% chance on things working out with someone I'm in love with than 99.5% with some single guy that worships the ground I walk on but I feel nothing for.
frannie Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Ok so we all know these following statistics: 60% of all first marriages end in divorce. 45% of divorced people choose to re-marry and of those marriages, 85% also end in divorce. So why do we OM/OW, maintain a relationship with a married person and still have hope they will leave their spouse for us? Are we looking for adventure and challenges? I'm not sure where those statistics are from, but 60%..? That's extremely high. Is that the US? I would have thought nearer 40-50%, or is that a projection of what may happen to those getting married today? Anyway, all those figures say to me is that people getting married often get divorced. And I can't see that that's a great message for anyone, no matter what their status. I think the reason more second marriages end in divorce is that if one has been through the divorce process once, one knows the score, and it's not frightening or felt as a huge stigma any longer. So, if the second relationship is going badly, people are more likely to call it a day earlier in the process. I'd really question the idea that a marriage or relationship altogether 'failed' because it ended. Sometimes things are meant to end. That doesn't negate the whole process. Sometimes it's all about the journey. So what if it doesn't last forever? If we all thought 'I'm not doing it if it doesn't last forever' how many of us would begin anything?
Author oyster Posted December 6, 2006 Author Posted December 6, 2006 I'm not sure where those statistics are from, but 60%..? That's extremely high. Is that the US? I would have thought nearer 40-50%, or is that a projection of what may happen to those getting married today? Anyway, all those figures say to me is that people getting married often get divorced. And I can't see that that's a great message for anyone, no matter what their status. I think the reason more second marriages end in divorce is that if one has been through the divorce process once, one knows the score, and it's not frightening or felt as a huge stigma any longer. So, if the second relationship is going badly, people are more likely to call it a day earlier in the process. I'd really question the idea that a marriage or relationship altogether 'failed' because it ended. Sometimes things are meant to end. That doesn't negate the whole process. Sometimes it's all about the journey. So what if it doesn't last forever? If we all thought 'I'm not doing it if it doesn't last forever' how many of us would begin anything? I wonder why the concept of "Leasing" has not been popularize in relationship. The car industry is big on leasing. My point if you approach a relationship like a 5 year lease, towards the end, you reevaluate things. Decide to extend the lease, buy it out or walk away.
Art_Critic Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I would rather take a 0.5% chance on things working out with someone I'm in love with than 99.5% with some single guy that worships the ground I walk on but I feel nothing for. I would put to you to look at things with a role reversal look since you are set to believe that the MM really feels what you feel... Him telling you he loves you doesn't mean he does.. actions speak louder than words and by him staying married and letting you live a lonely life that should tell you that he doesn't really love you.. he just tells you he does to keep you hooked and to keep the sex coming in. So... speaking of role reversal... while you would rather take that chance on the .5% because a single guy worships you and you don't feel the same... Well ??? Are you the single guy in this instance and the MM is you, who does not feel anything for you ? Something to think about....
BUTAFLY Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 45% of divorced people choose to re-marry and of those marriages, 85% also end in divorce. I hope this is right...I can't wait for MM's life to fall apart. (he married his ow from first M...and started A with me.) But, unfortunatly it looks like things are going strong...2 years for them in this Febuary:(. when is the Karma or at least Statisics gonna kick in?
herenow Posted December 6, 2006 Posted December 6, 2006 I hope this is right...I can't wait for MM's life to fall apart. (he married his ow from first M...and started A with me.) But, unfortunatly it looks like things are going strong...2 years for them in this Febuary:(. when is the Karma or at least Statisics gonna kick in? I think Karma is already living with both of them. Look at it this way, they are both cheaters and they are living a life with no trust. He will most likely continue to "date" while married and due to the fact that she was the OW herself, she will most likely just live with it or "date" herself. Even if they stay together, they will never experience true love. You, on the other hand, have that opportunity and as they say, the best revenge is for you to live a better life than he does. I hope that makes sense, I tired today!
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